Ah well; at least she's found a relatively harmless way to be rebellious. Its all part of being a teenager, part of their developmental needs. In order to figure out what their own values & choices are, they have to reject ours. After a time of rebelling, they then decide which values they want to claim for their own. At that point thay may well decide to take up some (or all) of our values. But we will be the last to know b/c they won't want to give us any credit! 
If it really bothers you, try complimenting her on her lipstick & nailcolours. Ask to borrow them perhaps? Most teenagers in this phase will find anything their mum likes immediately abhorrent. If not; at least you will have opened communication on a level she's into. And communication is the most important thing... Remember your own adolescence; if you drive a wedge in b/c of taste in clothes or makeup, she'll use it as an excuse to not talk to you about more important things. Like sex, drugs & boys. Its like a test; hone up on your acting skills & get prepared to gush in a loving mummy way over all her latest fads.. 

i really think that this dark "phase" is somthing everyone needs to go through because it explores our personalities so much more than conformity ever could... being a good girl all the time can have it's draw backs and the freedom that this side of your daughters personality gives can be the most liberating thing in her young and inexperienced mind. of course you should protect her safty but dont try to make her conform to your ideals because at the end of the day it's just a face put on by her to try and get the freedom she desires.

I sent you a friend invite I hope I can be of some help I was "GOTH" once and I can maybe answer some questions you may have

 Lexi xxx

lord, i dont want my daugher to become a teen.. i recall as a teenager horrifying my mother and father with the sex pistols and the like... now, i cant say i really liked this music, but it was cool, so i tolerated it ( and personally i think its makes a great alternative to slim dusty on long car trips with dad..lol).. i did the black lipstick...the black nailpolish...the solem/sombre/moody thing. and i was SO not punk..i ALSO did the wake me up before you go go thing.. flouro tube skirts and flouro plastic  shoes. big hair spiked to within an inch of its life.. i did the sneaking into nightclubs at 15 til 3 am in the morning...and i hated my mother every day for a good couple of years.. for reasons that i can't even remember now...

i think what i am trying to say is.. be aware.. know what shes doing, who shes doing it with, and where shes doing it...give her her privacy,allow her to experiment.. but have clear cut rules and expecations...thats not to say let her have free reign, but.. she will experiment with or without you, and surely its always better for her to do it with you...(or your knowledge at least)

its hormonal,its peer pressure, its her step sister moving in, its testing the boundaries, its trying to find who she is and where she fits into this world..i am willing to bet that it is a combination of all of those things...

the razor blades are something of a concern..and i hate to say it, but you have violated her trust by going through her stuff.. i would be really impressed if she opened up to you and told you why she had them , i imagine she'll more than likely be angry that you actually serached her room...and please dont think  im being judgemental here, i am really not.. my daughter isnt a teen yet, and i am pretty sure that  i wil be searching her things at some point or other, but i wont be surprised when she responds with anger when i do...

not sure ive given you anything of value here... this whole parenting gameis onesteep learning curve for us all.. i think the key is to stay calm, and try to remain objective...i wish you all the luck...xoxo

Can I say something from your daughter's point of view? I was once in her shoes as well.

As a teen I put my mum through hell and back. I did everything bad that I could possibly do, short of killing myself. I went through the goth stage, became obsessed with the occult, listened to Marilyn Manson, ran away from home, wagged school every second day of year nine, yes I drank, yes I tried drugs (but thats as far as it went) , and yes I self harmed. In short I was a total bitch and now, as a parent, and an adult, I hate myself for what I did to my mum.

Although I didnt know it then, alot of it was related to depression. My mum tried getting me counselling, both one on one, and by way of mediation with mum, me and the counsellor. Nothing worked. I was in a phase in my life where I didnt want to be helped, I didnt want boundaries, all I wanted was free reign where I could go out and have the freedom that all my other friends got. I lived in a very controlling home environment and I acted out against it.

What Im trying to say is, (and please dont take this the wrong way Im only saying this for fear that if I dont you may lose the bond between you and your daughter) maybe try loosening the strings on her a little bit? Now Im not saying let her run rampant, but as you suggested, let her listen to her music, through the earphones, encourage her to start a diary, she needs a way to escape and release the tension that all teenagers get when they hit puberty. For some the hormones dont kick in till a bit later, and when they do, trust me you'll know it. As you described, they can go from angels to devils almost overnight. Get her lessons in martial arts or boxing or something where she can let loose and hurt noone when she feels she needs to release the anger. I know that sounds extremely violent, but believe me, in a controlled environment, its anything but. That was the one main thing that actually calmed me down. My mum was completely against me doing these lessons at first and once she noticed the change in my personality, she actually encouraged me to go.

I really hope things change for you at home soon, and as much as I know you dont like it, dont try and stop her from being a goth just yet. She is going through an important phase in her life right now where she is trying to discover who she is. Just leave her and all her black lol and you may just be surprised.... From the darkness of her coocoon may emerge a very beautiful young butterfly.

Please let me know if theres anything I can do to help. Love MonyQ.

I was just going through minti and I noticed that you have recently put a blog on about your step daughter living with you now.I was just wondering how long has your step daughter lived with you and if your 13 yr old daughter started with her  new goth fad  could it have been soon after the step daughter moved in?Do your daughter and the step daughter get along ok?And how does your daughter feel about your step daughter living with you ?, the way you mentioned in your blog you must get on quite well with the step daughter ,maybe she feels like her step sister has taken her place.

How you react sets the tone for your relationship, we've been through the black clothes, not goth in the true sense just everything had to be black, then we went through the smiley/ frosty stage where the kids male and female alike would burn themselves with either a hit lighter or aerosol can, we went through the body piercing stage, tatooing stage I am completely unshockable. At the end of it all I have four adults one who for all intents and purposes looks acts and speaks like a regular adult, two who still have spacers in there ears sometimes but the rest of the jewellery is gone, tat's are always in places that were easily concealled and so the boys can work in regular jobs looking like regular people and then be themselves on the weekend and the youngest is an emo, different to a goth, punk style who looks absolutely gorgeous when she's dressed up, her piercings are small and discrete when necessary... fads come and go but the trust remains. The more you rant and rave and invade their privacy the more of the relationship you destroy with them and thats the worse thing I believe you can do to your own child....no body is perfect and yet in this world many of us do not value the individuals right to explore things that are considered unusual/ different. I lost a lot of people I thought were friends because I allowed my kids to explore but I didnt lose my kids, I always knew where they were and what they were doing I was always there as part of their life... to me that was important so I could guide and advise. Kids will do what kids want to do but the difference is whether you know about it or not....my kids were never rudely spoken to me except for the last who turned into the spawn of satan overnight and stayed that way for 4 years, I would put my hand up open palm and say dont speak to me like that, I prefer you to speak politely or we cant have this conversation. It was hard but now she's 20 and says I dont know how you put up with me and my answer is simply beccause I love you. Take each day as it comes, your daughter is sorting out who she is and who she will become, support her but also respect her you can still have boundaries without becoming the enemy.

I also wanted to add that, in her room I found these bands whose music (I think) is less favourable for a 13 year old to listen to. The song titles were enough (death, suicide etc.) So Ive discarded them. Call it an invasion of privacy if you will. Im making an appointment at her school because I feel something has definitely happened. Do you think Ill make it worse by taking this sort of control? Its deffinitely very hard. She was doing so well at school and her books now contain pictures of upside down crosses, grotesque band pictures etc.

What do you think?