I read that you son has a younger brother that has asprgers.  I only now a little about this syndrome because  my sister works with children who have this syndrome.  I am sorry if It is not a syndrome, I am not sure what to call it. I don't know, but I would ask you how much time and special attention he needs?  I would then talk to your 13 old or have someone he relies in and will tell anything to talk to him.  Maybe he has filled himself up with anger because he feels that his younger brother gets more attention and he knows deep down that his brother needs that extra attention, but he still feels angry that he does not get that much or extra attention.  One other thing I would ask you is if your husband talks to you that way or if you are divorced does he talk about you like this to your children or even talk like this to his wife?  reason for saying this is because my one sister's husband talks to her like your son is talking to you.  when I saw her last her 14 year old boy talked to her the exact same way.  One minute he was sweet to his mother and the next time he was telling her to shut up and that she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about.  She told me that she feels the same way as a waste  of space.  My other sister has a son with a heart condition and she and her husband gave him a lot of extra attention. He has a brother 16 months younger than him and it finally came out ,when he was 15 .  He showed signs, that he was full of a lot of anger and was taking it out on other kids at school. He is doing great though know, he has seen a pshychologist and was put on some anti depressants.  He is know 22 and has gotten a degree in business and has just gotten his first job as a cpa.  I am sorry if I offended you but it is really hard to give someone good advice when you don't know everything.  If you would still like to talk to me, or would like to tell me a little more so maybe I could give you better advice please email me at askjenn2@hotmail.com

I just thought I'd add a suggestion many people don't think about. Perhaps you should try cutting out artificial additives from your kid's diet. I have a friend who's children were nuts, she cut out all sorts of lollies, take out, sweet drinks anything with artificial additives or preservatives and suddeny their behaviour improved. They say during adolesence when the hormones are all over the place artificial additives become even more potent.

h  i have a 14 year old that doesnt seem to have any feelings when he has upset me or any one else in the family, but in he paper published in our sunday times was an article about teenagers and i thought of you so i have typed it out and it might help you understand you teenager a bit more goodluck!

BRAIN IN TRANSIT   Most teenagers are accused of being rude,lazy or difficult when the mood takes them.   But their bad behaviour could be beyond their control.   Scientists say rapid changes make the brain in early adolescence make it difficult for teenagers to interpret emotions in others.   They appear sullen and selfish.   Researchers also found that the part of the brain controlling empathy and recklessness did not develope fully until early adulthood.   A study by the british goverment's policy research bureau supported growing evidence about problems of adolescence.   Far from being in control, the teenage brain is seen as a "work in progress".   While adults make decisions using a part of the brain linked to empathy and understanding, teenagers use a completely different area.   This means they do not have the ability to consider how their actions affect others.   Scientists also came up with an explanation for teenage lie-ins.   Teenagers apparently have a different way of producing melatonin, a hormone that regulates waking,meaning that they sleep longer than adults.   Last year scientists from the university college of London came to similar conclusions.   Sarah-Jayne Blackmore, who led the research,said the prefrontal cortex was the key when adults made decisions.   Scientists believe that this region, which associated with empathy,understanding and guilt, is what "makes us human".   In teenagers, most decisions making activity takes place in an area of the brain not linked to emotions.   The prefrontal cortex goes through a growth spurt in puberty, enabling adolescents to become more emotionally attuned.   Thinking strategies change with age said Dr Blackmore, a neuroscientist. "Ateenager's judgement of what they would do in a given situation is driven by a simple question, 'What do i do?'.   "Adults, on the other hand, ask 'What would i do, given how i would feel and given how the people around me would feel as a result of my actions?'..

 

dear Leelee.

I recognise much of what you say.  When my middle son was around 15 he became a very angry person and despite my attempts to get to the root of the problem - doing lots of things, like punishment, talking things through, sending to family to talk to, getting help from the school, doctor and then a psychologist, nothing really worked other than he repressed his anger and learnt to pretend all was well.  He has now at age 22 had a kind of breakdown and suffering depression.  It is only now he is beginning to speak to me and talking about the things that have worried him for years.  Because you have depression yourself, I think your son sounds as though he is very sensitive to what you go through and perhaps some of his anger comes from feeling unable to make you happier.  I would recommend you take your son to the doctor for some longer term support - he is unlikely to tell you his worries as he probably sees that as adding to your problems.  Don't give up on him and don't blame yourself but do find help as it is likely that something is at the root of his anger.

hi i'm also a teenager and gave my mother a lot of grief when i turned 13. it's a frmae of mind that now i'm 13 and i can do and say what i want. i went to an amazing camp that tought me how to deal with my anger. my brother who is 3 years younger, fought like...well really bad. we'd throw axes and knives at each other. i've now turned out to be a pleasant child. i think that there is something bothering him that he hasn't shared with anyone. the same happened with me. my parents got divorced when i was 4 and i blamed myself and then my mom had really shitty hours of work so i did stupid things to get her attention. maybe a counsellor could help you as it has helped me. i don't know the situation with you but maybe you should hug him every time he has a anger fit. punishement doesn't work. we just think that you hate us at that age and that (in most cases) i'm the older one who always gets the blame for everything. i don't know if this will help you but it's what i've and my family have been through and i wouldn't give a comment if i didn't know!!!

good luck and all the best

Just another thing I wanted to add to sorry for the late thought I have written an article about the rock and water program it is available through most schools and I found it great for my 14 year old so maybe look into that through the school???Just a thought...
Cheers
Angie

I have to agree with what the girls have said here, please take their advice you have nothing to lose right? also if your son has issues with anger you could maybe take him down to the local police station where a police officer i'm sure would be happy to have a chat to him and to try and find out why he is so angry. The police deal with alot of angry people but they also deal with alot of kids and maybe they could help or give you some advice on how to help your son. I wish you all the best.

Best Wishes Blond.

try taking him to the doctors I had a friend whose son was like that and they found out he a problem with his testosterone levels also it could be amillion other things to but i would suggest rulling out any medical problems first and then if nothing shows up take him to a spychologist

Hi there I would go to your local child youth and menat health and talk to them...They will then decide if he needs to see a social worker or a psychologist...Him most boys flex their muscles with the pecking order but not in this manner at all...It is usually with their father...That is my advice to you any way...Just because the words mental health are used  does not mean a mental illness they do alot of work with teenagers who have problems they just need to work out where they are coming from thats all....Hope some of this helps and good luck....And to your last comment Darl...A wise mintier wrote a comment on one of my articles once and it has stuck with me....You have not failed you child when you are still there helping...This is soo true...If you had failed him then you wouldnt be here asking any questions...You take care of YOU too and if you would like to have a chat then minti mail me...Take care
Cheers
Angie