My father-in-law had the same trouble with his youngest. Whenever he spoke to his mum on the phone or went to visit her he would be naughty for a few weekes afterwards. This ws so very frustrating for us all! He eventually stopped this. We just treated him the same & showed him lots of love. Make sure she feels just as important as the baby & she will eventually get back to normal.

Good luck, my thoughts are with you!

tell her that you love her and it really makes you sad to see her so upset. Let her draw pictures about how upset she is and maybe that will make it feel better to let the anger go. You could also have some hot chocolate w/marshmallows afterwards, that always makes anyone feel better.  Good luck!

It will get better.  My hubbie and I call it re-training.  Every time our kids come back from seeing thier mother, they need to be retrained in manners, etc.

It is hard for them (and the rest of the family), but we've noticed that it takes less and less time to retrain after visits.  She'll start to be a stronger person for it.

I agree with all the other ladies, just shower her with your Love and she'll come around.  Build up her self esteem and sence of self-worth, and it'll stop affecting her as much,

I wonder if the mother said nasty things, so your poor little one is having trouble reconciling all these conflicting feelings.  The best way to fight that is just to be as sweet and Loving as possible, so she can see that her mother is wrong.

Also, try to keep as positive as possible.  Kids can really pick up on thier parents feelings, and understandably, you've been worrying about this for a while.  Try to focus on all the good things, rather than the negative.

Good luck and be happy.

Just  keep telling her that you love her , she hurting at the moment    and probly confuse as well . As time goes bye it get easier on you and or daugther . She might be feeling reject as well knowing that her mum dosen't do much with her  and when she dose its only for a few hrs  .

So just show her all love you and your parter has for her   best of luck  to you and the faimly

I think you just have to re-enforce over and over again your love for this little girl.She would be feeling very much abandoned at the moment,I know you love her and nurture her.But she will probably never understand why her Mummy doesn't keep her or want her.Look at this through her eyes,she sees you loving and caring for your bubby(even though you do her too)and it would be making her confused and hurt and yes very angry because her Mummy doesn't do this for her.So she is hitting out at the only people she can.She is only 4 so she is justing reacting to her pain,not meaning or understanding the hurt she is inflicting on you all.Please just bare with her and keep loving her.Hugs Merle

I have the same problem when my son ( 9) comes back from his  dad
He feels like his head has been messed up
He has a journal where he writes all his own thoughts down and that helps him
Maybe you could get your 4 year old to draw pictures  of what she is feeling, it really helps them, keep everything and like has already been suggested.
Document everything

can you document everything and stop the contact through the courts? If there are no court orders, document everything anyway and stop the contact. If she goes through court to gain access show everything you have been documenting.  That's not fair that a child of that age would be feeling that way, it's certainly not in the 'best interest of the child' for her to come home feeling that way.  Good luck with it, and show her love and affection even if she pushes you away, she needs your support right now, you are the mother figure in her life and you need to be strong for her.  She needs to know you are the mother figure, even if she doesn't call you Mum.