Minti - To smack or not to smack?

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anonymous | April 2007


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To smack or not to smack?

Lately there has been a lot of attention regarding parents smacking children.
I do believe that the 'positive parenting' strategies/techniques could work with older children. But i highly doubt that it works for children under 2, who do not even speak yet. So my Question is for all those anti-smacking parents - how do you 'explain' to a 18 month old not to touch a Hot Oven.......i have tried to 'explain' it to my son, but the only thing that stopped him touching was a smack on the fingers and repeating the word 'bities'. I dont like to smack him, but i really feel that sometimes it is the only way to get him to understand what NO means?

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| samantha

To smack or not to smack?

yeh i personally think its all a bit crazy at the moment, i know there are some parents out the that take smacking too fare but seriously.. i do not think there is anything wrong with smacking a young child for touching a hot stove, running out into traffic, going near a deep river, dam, or whtever, even touching matches, going into a dangerous shed anything that could harm them, beacuse quite frankly at such a young age they do not understand, they will learn to understand but who wants to take such a risk when they are so young, (my parents smacked me when i was young when the felt it nessesary and i don't don't harbour any hard feelings lol) if any of my little ones did anything that could harm them in any way i would smack them to make sure they never did it again, just until they were old enough to realize the danger, but this is just opinion

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| RebeccaDorant

To smack or not to smack?

we used to use smacking on the hand if it was somthing like that dangerous and it got through that if he touched things like that it would hurt... but for everything else there are other ways of getting through like using naughty spots/room...unless they are in the middle of a tantrum... in that case a cold damp flannel on their cheeks usually snaps them out of it...

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| MadMel

To smack or not to smack?

haha I love the flannel idea !!! I will give that one a go haha

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| RebeccaDorant

To smack or not to smack?

yer it does work really well with logan, he used to do it alot (in the middle of a shoppingcentre mall usually...lol...) and we just put the flannel on his cheeks and it shocked him out of it for just enough time to get a word in tell him he was being silly and he stopped... no need to smack for tantrums esp in public and i actually had compliments for the idea (secretly my MIL told me it... because she used it on her three boys)... :)'s4u mel

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| breannababy

To smack or not to smack?

Hey go one bigger ......... a spray bottle and squirt them HEH HEH HEH HEH

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| natansey

To smack or not to smack?

I had a lot of trouble with this, my son wouldnt leave the knobs alone, he would turn them on all the time and when I was cooking in the oven he always touched the door.

The only way I could get him to stop it was when I wanted to start to cook to let him turn them on (with supervision), he eventually got sick of doing it and now leaves them alone, he was around the age of 2

My daughter also started doing it and i told her it was hot and showed her how to see if it was hot and we have n problems with her touching it now, she was about the same age

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| mumof2b

To smack or not to smack?

Wow what a can of worms..... I think that what people need to keep in mind is that a little smack here and there is okay as long as you are in control of the situation and you use other methods to teach them as well, smacking alone does not work. You need to talk to your child and explain things to them, even if they are 12 or 18 months old the earlier you talk to them the earlier they will understand and if you use a calm but serious voice they will get the seriousness of the situation. I use both methods with my boys ages 6 and 2.5 but i ALWAYS warn them that they are about to get a smack ig they don't stop what they are doing, it is my last resort. The thing to remember is to always be consistant so they know where you draw the line.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| kazy

To smack or not to smack?

I agree.. i always explain things to them both, and get them to explain it back to me so I know they understand.. If they show complete disrespect, to someone, hurt someone, break something etc, Ill ask them how they would feel if it was done to them.. I will never smack if Im feeling angry or flustered, instead I send them to their rooms and then go talk it over with them when Im calm.. My boy is in the phase of testing boundaries (and boy is he doing a good job lol).. Ive just got to stick to my guns and be consistent.. If he ignores me I warn a smack is coming.. if he keeps going he gets a smack on the bum.. dh gives them the option of going to their rooms or a smack.. they will usually pick the smack!! So it cant be all that bad?? I know when I was that age id rather my room anyday - especially with the toys and stuff they have these days :)

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| Deborahsc2203

To smack or not to smack?

as all children are differnt and respond to differnt ways etc,, I give a huge loud firm no and have shown him what hot things are etc,, he has felt the warmth of things ,, when he has seen his bottle away on the bench with hot water in it ,, he sees the steam and says to me hot ouch , this is only because i always say things like that when im sterilizing it , hes gone close to the oven and he has felt the heat and he alsos says be cafeful dont touch hot ouch,, this is again because i have taken him near to it so he also can feel the warmth of it ,, a pat on the bottom and a loud voice is something that i would never say no too either , always better safe than sorry , kids will always try to touch things thats how they learn and its up to us to teach them about anything that is harmful to them for the rest of their lives . each to their own i say do what works for you and baby

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| mewannaboy

To smack or not to smack?

We taught our children and cousins children about the hot oven by reanacting the situation like a little game.Or we would put our fingers or whatever on the hot plate (not while its on) and begin to cry and say "ouchy thats burny" or something similar.My eldest who was 2 at the time touched the hot plate while i was holding her ,she just lent out and did it...she never did it again.(not recommended...lol)

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| mewannaboy

To smack or not to smack?

Also id like to say i used to smack my children for things they did wrong and i began to get sick of it.They werent listening ,as kids rarely do and it didnt seem right.I looked at it in the way a women who is abused may see it.If you spoke out of turn or were late home or dropped a coffee mug how would u like your husband or partner to smack or hit you every time you did "wrong".I feel thats all children see it as also.

I no longer smack my children...I only do it for extreme circumstance like purposely breaking others toys,touching electricals or being evil or nasty to strangers,freinds ,relatives or pets. They do not get time outs but get things taken from them for bad stuff they do.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| cazza

To smack or not to smack?

As a foster mum and a mum of 3 under the age of 12.... We do not smack in my house, but when we have have kids that come into our house that are under 2 we have in place where they cant reach for hot items, so that decreases the risks of them harming themselves... We say in a Firm voice to the little ones NO if they go to touch a power point in the lounge/Bedroom,.but then we do have covers on them as well... I was abused as a child, and it all started off as a smack from my parents, so i think if you know that you are able to control your self and feel that smacking is the right thing, well no-one is going to feel comfortable to tell you otherwise... The law does state that you must not smack your child above the shoulders or around the head. I often witness a lot in our community where children are very unruly even with getting smacks, now im not saying my kids are perfect.,but they dont even leave the backyard without my permission, and they know the diffrence between right/wrong... I dont think my kids are going to go out and breakk the law or rebel because we didnt smack them.. Please thats just how i feel, so please do not get offended, or have a go at me, as i feel that every parent has a right to raise their children in their own way.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| kazy

To smack or not to smack?

You know your kids better than anyone.. If what your doing is working for you all, then there is no way anyone could be offended.. As parents we look out for whats in the best interest of our kids.. As long as thats your main driver, who cares how you raise them (within reason of course :)).. Good on you for finding a method that works - especially with children other than your own :)

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| breannababy

To smack or not to smack?

I think that all kids are different as are parenting methods,I feel we can only do what works for us and our families remembering that none of us are perfect nor are our methods......I too have found that what works one day does not necessarily work the next.There are some days when B is very receptive to talking her through with out time out or a little love tap.But others where I am tearing my hair out trying to get through to her.I found she was able to talk and understand pretty well by 2.However some toddlers are not, gee there are some who understand perfectly but are very wilfull and talking just doesn't seem an effective method.we just need to design a discipline system that caters for our children and our values.I feel most of us have common sense and a desire to rear well behaved children so usually do find afore said system and isn't this a great place to share our ideas well done parents minti group hug LOL have a great day smiles Merle

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| ckelly

To smack or not to smack?

very well said and very diplomatic.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| kazy

To smack or not to smack?

I think different kids respond to different things.. Some respond to strong firm commands like "NO".. others dont.. My daughter responds well to this.. but my son just ignores it.. He responds to a smack on the hand or bum though (the only places I will smack personally).. I read somewhere that the legally accepted thing is "Never smack a child above the shoulders, and never smack below the shoulders if it is going to leave a mark for more than a few seconds".. or something like that.. :)

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| nell18-3

To smack or not to smack?

I used to smack my children
The rules I kept to were only to smack for disobedience, which meant telling them not to do something, if they disobeyed me then they got a smack. I wouldn't automatically have smacking as my first option
I would never smack if I was really steamed either, I would remove them from the situation, calm down then show them when I was calm what the problem was
Most important never use anything other than your own hand

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| lucky321

To smack or not to smack?

I use to say no to my kids , if they kept going back after the frist time , need the oven when it was on , iwould take them by the hand and put it close enough just so they felt the heat and say hot , .its bites .Sometimes if that dosen't work for all kids, and a smack on the hand dosen't hurt.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| dcsmom

To smack or not to smack?

Some people won't like this, but I yell if my little-man is going to hurt himself.

I'm not a yeller as a rule, and I don't agree with berating a child, however, I found that if my son was going to do something that may hurt him, the quickest way to stop him in his tracks is to yell "NO!".

He just freezes, and it gives me time to grab him, get down to his level and explain why. So far I haven't had to give him a smack.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| proud-mommy

To smack or not to smack?

i definatly agree with this too... its not even yellin its just raising your voice, being firm. i mean what is your first reaction if you see your child reaching for a boiling pot of water and your on the other side of the room and you know you're not gunna get the the child in time, you yell/raise your voice.. very good chances are is that they're gunna snap their hand back so quick, and they dont get burnt.. i think mothers these days are too sensitive.. i mean as long as your not beating your kids, like hitting, punching, kickings, screaming and yelling all the time, youre fine.. i mean look at the kids these days, no wonder why our society is goin down hill.. because they know that if they do something bad all they're gunan get is a talking to, or they think their parents dont care and they can just deal with the consequence.. let me tell you i was hating being grounded or having to do chores or have that kinda consequence more than the "natural consequence" and i learnt my lesson..

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| hermy

To smack or not to smack?

ryan was with his dad by the bbq and dad told him no several times......he ended up burning his finger was very sore.....ryan now knows no its hot ......he doesn't go near it.......no smack needed......

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| MadMel

To smack or not to smack?

No smack needed but he got burnt! I would have prefered a smack to risking the complications of burns

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| hermy

To smack or not to smack?

true.....but dad has a bit more patience then me.....now though as soon as we say hot!!! he moves away quick smart......

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| proud-mommy

To smack or not to smack?

i dont agree with that.. hes only young and got burnt, it couldda been more serious than just a small burn, a smack wouldnt be serious as what it couldve been.. iam sorry but that just "sickens" me that somebody would want to teach their child about "hot" by then gettin a minor burn rather than a small "smack".. iam not trying to anger anybody.. iam just writting how i feel

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| allyp

To smack or not to smack?

I agree.. 100%

My mom has a child, got burned(and it was real bad) so NO I would never let my child ever touch something hot.
I would rather give her a small smack on her hands and tell her NO and if she does it again, I would do it again.. That's what I do now.. (ok people are gonna get mad but I'm raising my child, NOT you)
She hits me, so I smack her hand(i don't hit her) and if she kicks me I smack her foot/feet. She's gonna learn some how and this is how I was taught so..

This is how I feel and if you don't like it, too bad..

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| proud-mommy

To smack or not to smack?

exactly your not beating them, thats how i was raised, and it worked for me.. i was never hit (abused) ive really only ever gotten smacked on the hand or i think i remember only a couple times on the butt!! but let me tell you thinking back on it now, id much rather be smacked by my mother because she can control the seriousness with her hand, not with her fist, spoon, or belt, never anything like that. you can control the seriousness of a burn.. that would be the same thing with oh ill let her play with a knife and if she gets cut well at least i dont have to smack her.. its all the same thing. so id rather be in control of something like that than let my son who doesnt know any better have control over that.. does this make sense to anybody or???

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| hermy

To smack or not to smack?

I think you both have blown the whole comment out of proportion......Ryan was told two times to move away and not to touch, he tried again and that’s when it all happened... to quick for a reaction. I do tap my child on the hand if necessary but I do avoid doing it to often I really think that’s not necessary...it was not like we just let him burn himself to teach him what hot is, that’s really ignorant.....I do not believe a child should be smacked that often all you are teaching them is violence and I really think we already have to much in this world don’t you? Further more this yelling and smacking , what are you trying to teach your children to be petrified. I have already bought up two children and they didn’t turn out to bad, I think I am not really doing that much wrong....I do not believe that we should make our children scared by trying to show them how powerful we are.....I think that we should try and make them understand first......don’t you......

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| MadMel

To smack or not to smack?

Well said sweety :)

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| hermy

To smack or not to smack?

thank you mel........

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| breannababy

To smack or not to smack?

Well said Sandra,I am glad you took the time to reply.I am sorry though that you felt you had to justify yourself and family.Those of us who know you understood where you were coming from.hugs Merle

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| hermy

To smack or not to smack?

Thank you Merle......

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| allyp

To smack or not to smack?

it makes perfect sense to me.. 100% sense...

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