Hi, I posted a question recently and want to thank everyone for their responses. It made me feel better. I'm just posting another one to say that I not only have the guilt of leaving my child in daycare while I work with other people's children all day, I have my mother telling me that I'm neglecting her and on top of that tonight during our talking time my daughter told me she wants to live with someone else and she doesn't want me to be her mum anymore because I'm a bad mum for not wanting to be with her. She spent half the day with my mother on tuesday who dropped her out to my work at lunch time, and I have asked her about it. She swears she said nothing to her, but she did tell me IN FRONT of my daughter how bad I am for neglecting her and working all the time (which is 8:30 - 5, 4 days a week which gives us 3 full days at home together each week) so she heard everything. I am feeling very fragile right now and am desperately seeking any advice on this topic! Thanks.
Firstly you know that you are not a bad Mum and you daughter know that too please dont be upset with what she said she does not understand. I had to go back to work and I still feel guitly now and that was 3 1/2 years ago. Kids have this way of making you feel that way too. They dont see you all day and they play up on that. You have to do what you have to do to make a good life for you and your daughter. When she gets older she will understand that you worked hard for her. I have to say and I hope this is not too harsh as I am sure you love your Mum, but how could she say that to you knowing that this is what you have to do to make a good life. She ought to be ashamed of herself and I hope that you pluck up the courage and tell her that this has got to stop. Good luck and chin up. Remember you are a good Mum.
I do not know what everyone else has told you, but in my opinion, you need to have a heart to heart with your mother and let her know that what she is doing is wrong and very hurtful to not only you but to your children as well! Alot of mothers work, and children just have to deal with that fact! It dosen't make you a bad parent if you work! If your child see that you are providing a service and that you are happier in doing something constructive with your life, this impacts them too! If your mom is bitter and jealous because you no longer spend as much time with her then she needs to grow up and yo need to tell her! Yo also need to sit your own kids down and explain that just because your job has you looking after other people children that dosen't mean that you do not love them! They will understand this, did your mom ever work? If not then she just dosen't understand how very difficult it is for a mother to have to leave her children to go to a job and miss out on alot of the things that go on in her childrens lives while she is out there trying to make a better life for them! Be proud of yourself and what you are doing and make your children understand that this is for all of you and make the time you do have with them special! You have a voice, don't be afraid to use it with your mom even if ti does ruffle a few feathers. You and your kids are going to be just fine! I went through the same thing myself! Its just another life lesson.
I have not read other responses,however I am sure they are going to say roughly the same thing......I feel you need to pull your Mum into line and not converse about such a sensitive issue in front of your daughter.The plain truth is many Mums work full time life is tuff and we all do the best we can with what we have.I think you need to tell your Mum to keep such negativity to herself and if she cannot offer assistance in fixing your dilemma she needs to step back and be supportive not so bloody anal.GGGGGGGRRRRRRRR Let me talk to her ......I believe you need to step and say that this is the way it is for the moment to Mum and Daughter and then go about your business as you are doing.Sweety you are going to beat yourself silly trying to fix something faster than possible.For goodness sake you are doing the best you can be proud of that.hugs Merle
Just a thought, could your daughter attend the same centre as you? My youngest goes to work with me and is in the room next door and my eldest came to work with me last year also and was in the next door room also. I have great workmates that I trust and this works out fantastically.
This might work if i didn't keep changing jobs. I'm not happy at the company i'm at now and i wouldn't want to have her there. I will take her if they want me to do an open or a close or work for a few hours on a tuesday since she doesn't go to daycare, but those things are very rare. I have worked in 3 different centres sice October last year. She's happy where she is, has been there for over a year now, the staff are great and she has good friends there. I am really happy with that company but unfortunately it's such a good place that the staff aren't leaving so I can't get a job there. Thanks for the advice though, it's a good idea otherwise.
We all need to do things to put a roof over our head and food in our tummy and if it means working really hard then so be it!
I know that you love your daughter very much and one day she will thank you a great deal for providing so much for her..... she probably will realise how hard it is when she has kids of her own and come running to you for advise and saying "mum i understand more now of what you did for me since i have had kids of my own! "
You keep your chin up sweety you are doing what you feel is best!
I have been in the same boat... I work 5 days. Four of those are 9.00 to 3.00 and the other is 9.30 to 6.00. I have two children and my husband works way more hours than that, he usually only gets home just before they have dinner and bed.
Children are very perceptive and it was inconsiderate of your mother to say this infront of your daughter. The best advice I can offer is what I did, "Explain to her why you work. She is not too young to understand that we need money for food, treats and clothes and mummy needs to work to earn money to give her those things." My daughter was able to understand this at three and she coped well. The sad thing is we need to work to live BUT we don't live to work... as long as she knows she is loved which I'm sure she knows it will pass, good on you for doing the best you can. My mother also tells me the same thing, but she worked when I was a child and I turned out fine.
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