I know excatly how you feel and I even said it recently too..It was how I feel but to hear it out loud made me so sad to know this I felt so guilty as well, they are strong feelings but do not feel bad for your feelings, they are an indicators to protect you. You feel bad becuase you are a compassionate human just as you feel enough hurt to feel resentment, I would find a way to talk through your feelings to you can understand them but not becuase you are a bad person. I know it is hard to harbour this emotion, I personally try and deal with my mum in a matter of forgive but not forget. I forgive her for my own peace and try and not to own her struggles. Also what can help is totally lowering your expectations so you are supprised instaed of dissappionted.. 

no i dont think so i wish allmy family were dead and i would not shed a tear it sounds heartless but i hate every single one of them apartfrom my nans the rest can go to hell for all i care i HATE them all so i think its pretty natural to feel the way you are

I wrote my "Bio-Father" off when I was 21 years old (I'm now looking 36 between the eye's).

I have never regretted this decission.  The pressure of trying to always do the right thing, to accept being let down as though it was okay, time and time again etc, was such a heavy weight on me.

Unfortunately in severing my ties with him (I did it as nicely as possible in a 6 paged letter, explaining that I found it hard work being his daughter, that I felt let down a lot etc & that I would not naturally gravitate towards him should we be strangers meeting at a party, we just are too different in our social and moral values)

I never heard from him again.  I heard from my them 14 year old half sister, (whom in my letter I asked him not to cry on her shoulder and use her as an emotional middle man.......which he straight away DID exactly that)
who wrote to me abusing me for being so cruel to HER father......I wrote back clearing up all the lies that HER Father & her mother had told her all her life pertaining to them "nearly going broke paying maintenance, meeting & getting married after he had divorced my Mum etc.  Mum kept all dated records of everything.  He had to pay $2.50 per week per child in maintenance for the 2 of us & mum had to take him to court 4 times to get him to pay it & that nearly sent them bankrupt HA! and he left us for my 1/2 sis. mother & she was born pre-divorce as papers prooved.I wanted to show her he wasn't the knight in armour she thought he was)

She has never spoken to me since unfortunately, but it was surprising how easy it was to just let her go as well.  I feel no regrets & only think of them when there's a reason to & it's never dwelled apon.

I did think about it when my Dad (Mum's 2nd hubby who adopted my brother & I) died whilt I was pregnant but it was more a knee jerk reaction due to grief & hormones, I thought about contacting them to find out about medical history I may need to know etc, but I got over it rather quickly.

You just gotta weigh up the pro's & cons of working so hard to have this man who were it not for a biological link, would you ever put in half as much effort to know and to please..................................................then you'll have your answer.

Good Luck

No.  You shouldn't feel bad.  But you will.

My Dad is sort of the same.  I mean, he remembers my birthday and stuff, but rarely bothers any other time.  The difference in the way he treats my half-sisters is unbarably painful to me.

Add to that, that when he left my mother when I was 2 (for good reason), he left me with her, and she was very abusive.  And he moved very for away, so he was never available to me.  Just happily moved on with his new family.

I have tried to talk to him about my feelings, but he always makes excuses and I end up feeling worse.  And I hate going to family functions (like my half-sister's wedding), because I can see the differences amplified even more.  I always feel like the outsider, not welcome, embarassing 'past mistake'.

Anyway, I really do hear you, and my advice is to back off and worry about taking care of yourself and your wee-one.  You've tried.  That's all you can do.  You can't force someone to be a parent, and you can't blame yourself for anybodies inability to behave like a decent human being.

Don't close the door completely or anything, go to family things you're invited to, send the Christmas cards, etc.  Worry about yourself, and behave in a way that will make you proud and forget about worrying about what your dad does.

 

I think you should'nt feel bad at all, as you say here you have tried to establish a daughter/father relationship and he not interested... So my advise is let it go, as much as it hurts and i can relate to what you are saying as my biloogical parents pass me in the street on a weekly basis and dont even blink a eyelash... So get on with your life, establish the best relationship with your own children, dony worry about what the rest of the family are doing, and think its their loss and you did your best....

i do understand the stress  and pain you are feeling right now,, you have done averything to make a mends theres nothing more you can do ,, so now its your turn to just have the best life you can for you and your child and dont waste anymore of your precious time stressing.

my natural parents told me that i was a mistake  from birth cause i was born a girl they never named me the nurse did with my sister , the only name they called me for my whole life was bastard ,,they do favour the others also ,,,

i moved on and now have wonderful children and have created my own loving family ,,, thats why i say dont waste anymore of your time ,, you have a wonderful life with the  loving family  that you have created you deserve it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i feel for you hun, my father is the same, adores his step kids over me and has no time for us and never gets back to me when i call him either
it's not fare and yes it will hurt, and you have all the right to feel bad that he does this to you, just remember that none of this is ur fault and he is ungrateful to have such a beautiful daughter and grandson that want to spend the time with him and he doesn't want that then he is the one who will miss out, and as for your grandfather he should know better than to make excuses for someone who doesn't give a damn sorry to be harsh but you are a good person and your son will grow up to be just like you so they should appreciate you for trying to make a mends and want him in ur life, it is hard hun but you will get there and when ur son comes home from school one day and says he loves you more than anything in this world all will be forgotten about what has happened and the rewards from that will be the best gift any parent can recieve, your a great mum focus on ur son he will never give up on you, there is a saying and i live by it "mum is god in the eyes of a child" don't ever forget that sweetie
good luck hun mwah