Hey there,you sound exhausted..........I feel it might help if you go to your local neighbor hood center and see if they can help out.Could you also see if your local council has a youth center/group.Try your local churches,some run youth groups on friday nights/weekends.I feel your kids know exactly how to press your buttons and sound to me they are having fun doing it.......Why not get all the kids helping you to do chores(you with them)it may not be perfect but may bring you all together and learning to co-operate.They may whine about it but u could make a competition out of it and the winner gets to choose the meal that night etc.Rather than singling one sibling out over fighting or such put them all in 1-2 bedrooms(not youngest ones)make them stay there till they a)get along or b)apologize for their behavior.They key here is consistency(I know it is hard)frog march them back to their room each time they leave.Reward the siblings that are staying in there with praise but state that they all stay longer if the others keep leaving the room.That should at least encourage the well behaved kids to keep the escapees in the room LOL.I feel you could also see family services and find out if you are eligible for any respite care/help.The best way to handle them is to try and remain calm.......they do feed off your anxiety levels.Chin up regards Merle

Wow I really feel for you.  We used to have a family holiday at the end of the year.  We had this big tin and at the end of each week my mother would put a gold coin into the tin for each job we did WITHOUT ARGUING.  At the end of the year, around October, she would take it into the bank when she got home with figures on how much was in there, we would sit down together and work out our holiday.  It was always either a holiday up to the North Qld rainforests, or down to the Gold Coast.  It always gave us incentive, as the more we did without fights, the better the holiday we got out of it.  With so many kids, maybe put 50c into a tin, or come up with a similar idea.  There was only 3 of us too, but even if you came up with a similar idea to buy them something special at the end of the year with the money and the more money the better it is for them.  I agree with the family meeting idea too, it's important to bring order into the family when there are so many of you.  The kids might be feeling anxious from the lack of control too so it's becoming one of those vicious cycles.  I hope this helps in some way and I really do wish you all the best.

I agree with the idea of a family meeting--maybe even having a meeting with the two older children and talking to them as the older ones. Tell them how they can set the example, praise them for the things they are doing right. Look for opportunities when you can give them positive feedback--and do it.

I am sorry that you don't have any family near by to help. Do you have any other support system--neighbors, friends, church? You definitely need to find some way to get a break. (I know you already know this.) Maybe you and a neighbor could trade off watching kids?

Also, relax your standards a little bit. It's okay if the house is messy during the day. Pick up before bath time in the evening. Make it a game--put a timer on and challenge everybody to see who can get the most done in 10 minutes--or something like that.

Hugs to you.

 

my heart goes out to you!!! BUT ... they are the children and you are the parent. Sit them all down in a family meeting. Explain to them how difficult they are being and how much they are upsetting you. tell them you want everyone to be happy but to do that you all need to start getting along. The older ones need to set examples for the littlies. Try a family routine and continue with the job list. Set a goal for the year or month even and have a planned reward to work toward. If finances are good it could be a holiday or theme park/show ticket/ movie ticket, if finances aren't so good how about a trip to the pool or water fun day at home with soapy tarps for slip and slide, sprinklers etc. Try not to concentrate too much on the negative things they do and really praise them for the good.... best of luck, I hope this helps you. (((((((HUGS))))))))