i absolutely no wat ur sis is feeling it sounds like ur talkin g about me. my baby lived thank god! but was on the edge for 3 mths and we were given a 7% chance of survival and that was optimistic. so i felt like i was looking down the barrel of a smokin gun the whole time while my friends babys were great and my friends pregnancy was great and she did all the wrong things and her baby was fine and i was anal during my pregnancy and did everything right. and my baby got sick and it wasnt fair i dint deserve this and more importanly my baby didnt deserve this. to make it worse my baby got sick from a virus that she caught from someone at a week old and the only thing we knew 100% it that it wasnt from me coz the could test my anibodies to c if i passed it2 her thru the woumb. so it was someone  else, someone else caused this, someone else was killing my child. u can only imagine the anger i felt towards my friends and especially there kids because kids are germ filled its part of life( and its normal) nad i knew this but i was still angry at them. i couldnt help it.she is 15months old now and i am able tolet her play and muck around and get dirty with the other kids but that has taken a long bloody time for ages i couldnt let any of them near her feared even letting them breathe near her. anyway my point being thatlots of the things shes feeling and will continue to feel 4 sometime im sure, arent gonna make sense, not to u or her even, but shes gonna feel it anyway even if she tries not too! and u jus have too try and give her leeway to have outbursts and such dont let it affect ur child but let her feel angry sad happy  or wat ever. she will probably love to see ur son coz shes missing having a baby around and she may b angry at u for being succesful but u jus need to b strong in urself and no that u did nothing wrong and u do deserve ur child. but she cant help it at the moment its natural for her to feel this and u prob would to if situations were reversed. in time things will get easier. she prob dosnt want proff help yet coz like u said noone can give her her baby back so wats the point, and thats my point, shes right! shes not ready to move on,or past it shes not ready to help herself because right now shes as close to her baby as shes ever gonna get, so shes gonna stay here! if u get my point. she needs to b ready to move a bit further away from the pain and from the attachment of her baby b4 she'll b ready to get help. so jus b there wen she does. let her go her own pace and wen u are feeling like u are jus try and think like her.jus listen, she knows u dont have the answers for her i think ul find she jus wants to b able to tell u how she feels and b supported  and not judged. feel free to email me if u wanna chat about it.

I'm sorry to hear of this sad story with your family, and hope i can offer some advice to you..
I suppose age has nothing to do with it but there is a mention of this Girl who seems young and not mentioned as a woman who's so desperate for children, having them and much love for them and the jealousy she had when you were pregnant, those are very powerful emotions she has experienced at a young time in her life.
Now she has lost her son and is experiencing much anger but understand, underneath anger is HURT, we don't know HOW to express Authentic Hurt essentially so we mask it through anger because its easier to deal with the hurt and Other people can foot the bill so-to-speak. She is still a mother now and always will be and she needs validation of that. Remind her she is a loving mother that loved her son soo much that he was too special for this world and needs to watch over his mum now as an angel and that is the purpose of lost babies. Speak to her Wounds like poetry and it will soften her heart to cry it out. She is in so much pain that i cannot know it, only a mother's loss knows the pain.  validate that to her  that she is nursing an angel that you cannot do since your baby is here on Earth, make her feel her suffering is not in vain.  Don't take it personally that shes taking it out on you, she feels safe with you to express her anger, just see that she needs a soft place to fall to grieve. You are being called to help her this way. Much love to you. xx
  

Hi there Okay I am writing this answer as I too have been through the loss of a child....2 months is a very short time so if she only lost her baby that long ago then she is still in the grieving process herself....It has been 12 years for me and come February I still grieve My Jessica....I have written some advice here on helping someone through the loss of a child but then you could also offer to go with her to some couselling....Right now she is probably angry for unselfish reasons at anyone and everyone who has had a successful pregnancy not just you and as hard as that may seem to you it is part of her greiving process...She may need to yell and scream to make herself let her anger out I really don't know... All I do know that going through this sort of loss is a very hard part in her life....Good luck to you with this one and maybe you can find something in the link to help you understand her thoughts....
Cheers
Angie

I know how you are feeling.  I fell pregnant in an unexpected way at an unexpected time in my life.  Wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.  A workmate of mine had a 7 year old girl and had been trying for a baby from the time their daughter was a year old.  No luck.  When I found out I was pregnant I didn't tell anyone at work for a while.  When this woman came in to work one day saying that they have finally got a positive result was when I started getting morning sickness.  I told them at work that I was about 4 weeks pregnant.  The poor woman had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and she took it out on me.  For the first part of the pregnancy, until I discovered I was pregnant, I drank pretty heavily and was staying out til all hours of the night and not being very nice to my body at all.  She had been doing the 'right' thing and I had been doing the 'wrong' thing so why did my baby survive? I left that workplace because I was too sick and even though it was a childcare setting, I was a disabled carer and the work was much more physically strenuous.  When my baby arrived I had most of the staff come to the hospital to see me.  They told me to take her out to work to see the rest of the staff before heading away since I was leaving town for a while.  This woman had suffered another miscarriage when I was about 8 months pregnant.  So to see a newborn a few weeks later was a shock to her.  I don't see her as she was a workmate not a friend or relative.  She saw Hannah who was 5 days old at the time, yelled that I was an alcoholic and an abusive person and not a fit mother and I didn't deserve a baby like she did.  I wasn't an alcoholic and the moment  I found out I was pregnant I stopped drinking and still don't drink often cause i can't afford too many night's out.  I am far from abusive but she had suffered 2 miscarriages in the time I was pregnant with Hannah and she was unplanned while her baby was 7 years of planning and still not happening.  I understood her frustration and suggested she sees someone about it.  I think you are doing the right thing by supporting her, and all you can do is be there for her but if it's getting you down you might need to keep your distance for a while and maybe suggest a few places that she might be able to get help.  I guess it's good that you can understand why she is feeling the way she is but if it's affecting you and your son then it's time she saw a professional instead of you.  I wish you and your sister in law all the best and I really hope she gets help soon because the loss of a baby is the hardest thing to overcome, planned or unplanned.

Sorry dominik was 2 months old and she wanted back in our lives!!