I have been married for 13 years to a man I love very much and to whom I have 3 children with.WE rarely fight but when we do it is always about the same thing.S.E.X .We have been together for 16 years so basically these arguements have been going for probably 14 years.I am not really alowd on the computer when he is home or at night ,so I am rarely on at night.But I have to accept him being on his adult sites which nowadays is not really that often maybe once a week ,as i have told him many times how I feel about him looking on these kind of sites.I have told him if he wants to look at those sites don't expect me to want to make love when he comes to bed.
Last night he was on his sites then came to bed and wanted to make love and to avoid fights I just got out of bed and slept in the spare room.Didn't have a very good sleep and I know he didn't either.I dont think I am being unreasonable.He expects S.E.X 2 times a week and if he dosent get his weekly quota he is like a little boy that didnt get to play with his favourite toy,little tantrums and the whole house suffers because of it not phyically or anything like that he is just very moody.I have told him on many occasions the more he gets in these moods the more he pushes me away and I tell him it is hard to then go to bed and expect me to want to make love to him.We do sometimes watch adult movies in the privacy of our own bedroom ,but i will not look at the adult sites with him as our computer is in our lounge room and I just dont feel comfortable with it.I feel that his S.E.X attitude is starting to put a lot of stress on our marriage as I have just about had enough of the argueing over it.He compalins most of the time when he does get it because he says I don't fullfil him.I like the feeling of closeness and to make love but sometimes I just feel like it is just S.e.x .I do enjoy it when it is not preempted and it just happens and I have asked him many times not to expect it and just to let it happen,i really don't like sleeping in the spare room and really want to try and fix this problem in our marriage but I am just at my wits end of how to get him to understand that i am not his toy or the woman that looks after his house and kids.I know my husband loves me very much and I should feel flattered that he does still after so long and quite a few extra kilos added over the years ,that he still is turned on by me but how do I get him to understand that all his pressure is not helping only pushing me further away.
I'm in agreement with everyone, basically because it is blatently obvious that you my poor love are being taken for granted to the point of being used. He is also undermining your personal rights (by saying when you can use the computer AND when you have sex (because when he slam bams you after being turned on by some chick on the net...it's not making love, it's blowing his load.)
I don't see how you could go on living like a blow up doll shaped door mat, you are a women first, a wife second and a mother third. That is to say that when you do not feel good about yourself everything else suffers, when your relationship with your partner is not in good shape, your kids are effected...everything starts with you and your self esteme and filters through growing in love and momentum thats why you love your kids sooo much.
Your hubby sounds like he is becoming a bully in the most spoilt brat and childish and selfish sense of the word. You both need some marriage counselling. If you could fix this yourself I'm sure you would have done so by now. he doesn't respect you so he's not hearing you, he needs a clip upside the head and told whats what by a third party and if he still doesn't get it, you get on....with your life without him before he kills your estem entirely and you are a shell of your true and beautiful delf.
It looks like a double standard issue here, that really suits his needs. You are not being unreasonable here at all. He does not like you on the computer when he is home or at night, but its ok for him to be on his adult sites to excite him? i think its disrespectful on his part as a husband to you, and you have every justified right to not share a bed when hes ready for loving!
You also mentioned that when he does get it, he complains that you didn't fulfill him,- he has even got you there too.He gets moody when he doesn't get it and complains when he does but isn't full filled?
Let him go through his moods and tantrums because thats what children do, so expect to treat him like one. Sorry for sounding harsh but it really makes me want to put in my 2 cents.
Adult movies should be a mutually agreed decision to watch together and to watch on your own with out your spousal approval is a trust violation.
Can you talk to him explaining how this really makes you feel? That it hurts your feelings as a woman to expect to full fill him when he has been watching adult movies without your permission/regard ?
I think if you want to use the computer anytime, you do so and with happiness with a cuppa tea, and i am sure that will get his attention!. If it hurts him, then maybe he can see where you are coming from but it wouldn't measure up to what you have been going through all these years.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.!
I agree with crystalmoon, and let him read what you've written, and talk it over with him. If he doesn't want to listen to you, then just ignore him. I hope everything works out for you very soon. Hugs
oh sweetie i feel for you as my hubby is the same looking at the sites and the mags and dvds and he too gets moody if he doesn't get his either, i have found that if i just let him get it off his chest, once he is finished i just say i am going to bed now and when he is in a better mood then i will think about it, i to don't like to be pushed on the subject .
i hope that this has helped in some small way and no you are not alone on this one
Why don't you let him read this(on a separate piece of paper though) surely if he sees how distressed you are he will try and curb his childishness.Men often equate how much sex they get to how much you love them.........I have the opposite prob LOL (I am the one with the man's mind and appetite PMSL) I do sympathize with you....My hubby had to sit me down and let me know my little tantrums were not gonna get me wot I wanted gggrrrrr Oh well I just take a lot of cold showers LOL may be he should as well.I hope you both can work something out hugs Crystal
LMAO. My partner and I both have your problem. LOL. Our trouble is just finding the time with all of our kids.
At wits end: My suggestion is if he has to look at these sites why not make your own home movie. Let him get turned on by you instead of someone else. I hope you can both work this out. Cherine.
Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.
I meant your post not mine ROFLMFAO
