I know exactly what you are talking about, it happened to me when my kiddies were babies.  Everything you say seems to be ignored as they know better of course.  It got to a point with us that we just didnt accept babysitting or even asked as it always ended up with us stressing about it .  We didnt end up enjoying our special & rare alone time anyway.    Its not fair on you or your bubs.  You are the one that has to deal with the consequences.   

Let them know how you feel & what happens when the routine is disrupted.  It is not a bad thing to control when they babysit, after they are asleep is a good answer.  You and your family routine needs to be respected, and you are deserving of that.  It just isnt worth the trade offs sometimes. 

Hi rockclimbr,

I am pretty lucky with my mum and dad, as they follow the main rules we have set. Like bed times/ nap times, not junk b4 bed or meals. brushing of teeth, u know all the important ones. But i guess now i think about it, the rules and routines we have set for our kids is alot like the once i had growing up. My dad is the worst for breaking the no junk food b4 bed time or meals rule. lol its kind of funny cause he use to do that when i was a kids too, he has always been a big softy for the puppy eyes and the big lip. his excuse is he just wonts them to be happy. But my mum puts him right in his place. lol. When my kids where smaller (like baby age) and my mum babysat for me she asked me to write her the kids routine for the time she had them. (we lived in different towns, so she didnt see the kids all that often to know what their routines where) But this made it alot easier for both parties, she didnt stick to it word for word but she stuck to the main things (bed times, food, ect ect) I dont see my inlaws, my mother-inlaw has only met Taj once when a baby, and my father-inlaw ive never met and he has never met our kids either. so i really cant comment on inlaws babysitting.

Maybe you could try writting your bubs daily routine out for them. And if they still dont stick to it,i would agree and only get them to babysit if bub is asleep for the nite. with strict instructions on what happens if bub wakes in the nite, (like a what to do and what not to do list!!

Hope this has helped, and good luck

Rach

My mother has only ever watched mine while I ducked down to the corner shop and once for half a day and dropped her out to work at 2:00.  That was more of a statement against taking her to childcare then actually babysitting though.  She keeps buying clothes even though there's nowhere to put the ones she's already got.  Every time we go for "coffee" with her instead of just getting a cup of milk and a scone for my daughter she'll buy her a milkshake and some really sweet cake.  These go to waste, but she said she'll eventually like them.  I don't want her to eventually like them.  If she doesn't eat that crap that's a good thing, not a bad thing. Whenever my girl has been babysat I've made sure she's asleep first, except that last time when I thought the babysitter was mature enough to know what she was doing and my child was old enough to listen.  Well, after she was sat in front of an M rated movie I decided getting babysitters wasn't for me.  I go to family friendly restaurants where kids are able to play (not maccas or hungry jacks, real places) and hire movies on DVD now instead of going to the movies to watch them.  I'd rather not have any babysitter since they can't seem to listen.  I don't have inlaws so can't comment on that, and my father barely even talks to her on the phone, so it's only my mum and younger brother that babysit in my family.  If I do need a babysitter I will go back to making sure she's asleep first so nothing can go wrong.

i don't think its wrong my inlaws only did it once and when we came home charlie was still up 2am and hadn't been to bed  the way i now do it is tell them that he will be asleep before (like you are thinking about doing) and that the only time that they are to go into his room is when the monitor is going off,  my smil has never had kids and thinks she knows everything there is to know and takes great joy in telling me when i have done something in her eyes wrong

(sorry for venting) but i hope that this helps

you are right to feel the way you feel,

my monster in law looked after our son once ,, she didnt follow our rules and we are felexible to a certain extent ( knowing that our son is in her place etc,,)

she gave him food that we dont give him like (  chocolates etc,,)

and just found anything that i have done with my son wrong or found little things to winge about in a sly way

she didnt even pack up his bag and we had to go thoughout the house to find all his things ( some we still cant find)

I spoke to my partner about this also as its his mother ,, this is when he stepped in and said to her because she asked if she could have him for the night again ........that this  wont be happening because we do things the way we want to with our son and thats the way we would like it to be respected and if he was to go to her place in the future that she also has to do it our way or he just wont be having anymore sleep overs there again ,,

well she didnt like to be told that but we stick to what we have said ,,,and has kept her mouth shut so far

she had her children and raised them the way she wanted to , now its our turn ..

its good to come from the mouth of her son to her ,, so she cant be finding things to pick on me about also ....