Less of the Judge and More of the MENTAL...

What a pack of nasty hyenas to have treated you and your baby that way. I'm sure it wouldn't have been hard for them to see how distressed you both were. This kinda thing makes me mad...sorry.

I think if you are brave enough to attend another hyena gathering, you will need some diversion tactics to get the baby back. Like...oh she's not herself today, I think she'd prefer it if I held her. Or come up with some infectious disease they may catch if they touch her. They'll get the hint soon enough.

I try to pass the baby around as soon as I get to an event. Then everyone gets a hold. then I get my baby back and feed or whatever. Luckily my little man doesn't mind going to other people (mostly) but when he's not in the mood, there is no way I would let him get too distressed and scream the place out, that's not fair for anyone. You just have to take over and show them who's boss. I know it's hard to do if you are shy, but you need to put your foot down or they'll do it every time.

Good Luck Txx

Everyone has pretty much covered your learning to say "No"bit, so I'd like to address the other facet of your question.  I know babies like adults can be very social little butterfly's or shy and reserved and thats fair enough, how ever I am left wondering how often you and bub do actually socialise within even small groups or one on one events where you are feeling comfortable in your own home..so and so comes over and has a cuddle whilst you sit there and chat and it's all relaxed?  I ask because I think it's important that your daughter even though she's only 5 months old does get used to socialising and being handled by other people.  I am also a bit concerned about the amount of stress you apeared to have experienced during this event.  The smokers breath and the dogs licking are really nothing to worry about.  I am a smoker and after I finish smoking outside away from my child, I do breath around her and kiss and cuddle her and she is fine and since getting over my PND I am no longer overly worried by the fact that my crawling daughter licks the dog because the dog licks her...I tell them NO etc. but what can you do..wash her mouth out with Detol everytime?  Think of it as an immune system building excercise.  I am concerned because it sounds like you might be a bit over protective, a bit anti social and experiencing increased anxiety levels and are a bit germaphobe-ish and all those things are classic Post Natal Depression symptoms...you don't have to feel sad and depressed to have it, I didn't feel that way, I felt like you do and I was diagnosed when bub was 6 months old and what a relief that turned out to be.  You DO need to have some social interaction and you DO need to allow bub to do the same and if she senses that you are uncomfortable with it, she will be as well.  Please see your GP or Child Health Worker.  I am not picking on you, I am worried for you, I want you to be a relaxed and happy person that equates to a relaxed and happy Mummy.

Written with Love. xo

No way are you being mean or bitchy. You have a right to say how you bring up your baby - no one else. Next time I would be discussing with your hubby before you go, strategies for you both on how to divide the time between you for baby. Present a united front and it will be easier for you to take control. And if anyone says anything to you, tell them to butt out.

Leisa

Everyone always seems to think they know better what to do with a baby.  I had a number of very similar experiences when my kids were little.  I once caught my ex's aunt feeding my 6 month old baby icecream (until I stopped her!) - after we'd desperately been trying to keep my baby off dairy till she was 12 months old on doctor's advice cause my ex's side of the familys is rife with food allergies.  

The only thing you can do is learn to say "no".  Practice some polite statements at home and just be prepared that people are likely to be put out cause they don't get what they want. 

But this is your baby - you made her, you have to bring her up, so you get to choose how it works.  You have that right and that power in a situation such as that one. 

More importantly (and I think that sometimes this is the hardest thing about being a parent) regardless of how you feel in a given situation, if someone is doing something to your child that is not in their best interests, e.g. smoking around them, letting a 5 month old get into a state of distress, you have an obligation to protect and look after them.  You are the adult and you need to stand up for your child, cause she's too little to do it for herself.

I hope your little one is okay now and that you're okay too.  Take care of yourself.

I am totally behind you here! I would have gone nuts! But, I have been in that situation, and you don't feel like you can say anything, especially when it's at someone else's house. I had been in that situation many times, and it's so hard when people judge you or tell you how to raise your own child!

Try to put it behind you this time, or politely talk to your sister about what happened, letting her know how hurt you felt, but that if it happens again you will put your foot down.

But you have to be strong, as this will happen on many levels again in the future. Just start your sentences with "Sorry if this seems rude, but... (for example) can you please stop your dog from licking my daughter, or I will".

If the other person has anything to say back to you, remind them that you are her mother and you have to deal with the consequences (allergies to the dog, unsettled due to too much handling   etc.).

BE STRONG, remember you are the one who can stand up for your daughter!!!

Hope this helps.

Oh Fifey,

Im soo sorry you had to go thru that!! I know exactly how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that!! Dont feel guilty, mean or b*t*hy. YOU are her mum NOT anyone else. Those people had NO right to do that to you BOTH!! I dont know what happens to people when a baby crys, they all think they know the best way to comfort it. They all should just but out, you are the mother and therfore know the best way to comfort her. I was like this with Bree, but when i had Taj i put my foot down and would just say NO HE"S FINE THNX! He was a really fussy baby and didnt like being held by other people, somethimes even people he knew. Taj would do the same thing scream as loud as he could & for as long as it took  to get to me........
I really hope yous both dont have to do this EVER again.....
Oh another thing. the people that owned the pets should not of let them near the baby, let alone close enough to lick her . Now in my mind that is poor ownership of their pets around a baby.
Im sorry again for your experience at that party for your sister and nephew, it should of been a pleasant time (As you all know, there isnt many chances we get to get out of the house)

Rach

I agree with what everyone else has said, this is your baby and you know what is best for her! I personally wouldn't have given in to anyone, I would have taken her back and no way would I have let them kick me out of the room! That being said I am a very forward person - especially when it comes to my kids! Nobody has any right to tell you what to do with your child - this would have been very traumatic for her. I sympathise with you completely!

Hi there

I don't think, you are being b....y!

Sorry, but I think these people were very rude! That is YOUR child, and they should of had enough respect for you to hand her back, when you asked. Who do they think they are.....?

When it comes to my kids, especially when they were babies.... I put my foot down, and if I didn't want anyone holding her for any reason, I would just say NO... SORRY!

I am the parent, and they should respect what I say and ask, when they have MY baby!

I hope this helps, and you are feeling better about all of this, take care.

 Shelley