burying your mother (not a parenting question but one from a child)
Both my parents have had serious heart problems, while my dad after 3 serious heart attacks is back to smoking and drinking without a care or a problem for that matter, my mum who lives 600kms away is starting to suffer again from her heart. We dont have a good relationship and due to her past behaviours hasnt really got anyone but i'm getting alot closer to her esp since my son was born. She could barely speak last night on the phone, problem one: she hasnt even met her grandchild or son-in-law and two: if the worst were to happen tommorrow i'm responsible for her burial and estate. I don't know whether to rush over just incase (we cant afford it esp after the recent flood and other disasters) or just wait it out. Either way, no matter what i decide i still don't know...how do you bury your own mother? She says she wants nothing special but she's my mum...sorry for being so vague...anyway if anyone has had such a responsibility i would really appreciate some insight, mind you any advice would be great...
Re: burying your mother (not a parenting question but one from a child)
All you ladys, please feel free to come and join our group called WOMAN (with out mums and nans) always helps to talk to some one who knows what your going through>>
Take care.
Also, with the costs of funerals there are always charities that help , The Salvo's done my mothers service Free of charge and it was very very nice.
Re: burying your mother (not a parenting question but one from a child)
Hi
When my mum got sick with cancer the first thing I did was talk to her about what she wanted.
The rest of the family thought I was being heartless and uncaring and could not understand why I was doing it.
It was my way of coping knowing that after her death I had no way of knowing how I would be.
She wanted a no service no attendance funeral and then to be cremated. As she said most people didn't come to see her in life why should they in death. She also knows that I didn't want to go to a funeral.
She died a week later. I was able to do everything she wanted to lay her to rest all bar the fact i still have her ashes with me.
Haven't felt settled enough to put them under a rose bush like she wanted.
Still wonder if shes annoyed at me lol cause she was claustrophobic.
As for not taking your child to meet her..how will YOU feel after she has gone. Don't have regrets because they will play on your mind forever.
Those who have a mother
Cherish her with care
For you will never know her value
Til you see her vacant chair
Re: burying your mother (not a parenting question but one from a child)
Do you know what your mother would like. After my MIL died in a car crash and we organised that funeral, I sat down and had a discussion with my parents as to what they would like for their funerals. Their opinions were quite eye opening. Mum has practically the whole service planned out...just in case we do something she won't like! You could open the conversation with something along the lines of "the flood got me thinking about things. I would like to know what you would like etc".
If you can't make the trip, make sure you talk to her daily on the phone. Let her know you would like to catch up so that she can meet her grandson and son in law, after things calm down a little.
Re: burying your mother (not a parenting question but one from a child)
I have to say that Tracy has given you great advice, if you are able to, I would follow it up. If you think that there is even a remote chance that you will feel guilty about not visiting her and taking the baby to see her before she dies - then go. You can't turn back the clock once it is done. Don't worry about burying her until the time comes, the professionals are very helpful, and you can do so tastefully and respectfully when the time comes.
Re: burying your mother (not a parenting question but one from a child)
The best thing you can do is encourage your mum to sort out her affairs (supper, insurance, loans etc) and give you enduring power of attorney. That way, if she is incapable of looking after herslf, you will be able to sort things out for her. If she hasn't written a will get her to do it now. If you have any siblings, a will wil stop any dramas.
I have the benefit of hindsight in telling you this, but I would take the baby and go and see her before it's too late. I regret not visiting my mum sooner, for me it was too late....I was the last to know and flew to sydney but she died before I got there. So, I got to see her, just not alive. It was awful.
I'm not quite sure what else to say except that i'm feeling for you. Please minti mail me if you need any support or have any other questions about this. Tracey xx
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