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sluxton
sluxton | June 2007

3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!

I'm tearing my hair out by 9pm when she finally settles.  She still has a midday sleep and is too tired and even more naughty when she doesn't have a sleep.  I know she is over tired as well and hopefully the next 2 weeks school holidays (from preschool and whole routine each day) will give her a break. 

Every night we do the same thing, dinner, then a story with milk, clean teeth, toilet then into bed.  Every night she gets up several times, then decides to go and do a poo and used be ok after the poo but is now playing up that, to which I say "no you cant feed the fish, it's time for bed", or whatever she is after.   Whenever I say no, it's like a licence to scream for her and the tantrums start.  If I dont get cross with her, I feel it's not fair on her brother who is doing the right thing and staying in bed.  I do try calmly to settle her and just when you think it's all ok, she wanders out and I just see red now.  I'm so over it.  I've tried shutting the door, threatening to shut the door, star charts, bribes, smacks, cuddling, lying next to her.  Nothing works at the moment.  Any ideas?  My son was always so good, but because there was only him and me home (my husband worked night shifts), I could do controlled crying at a much younger age and he just seems to know he has to stay in bed unless he needs to get up and go to the toilet.  She tests every boundary she can find!



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chello72
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | chello72
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!

Maybe address all here "issues" before going to bed. For example walk with her to the kitchen pour her some water and patiently wait till she has drunk it. Then take her to the toilet let her do what she has to do. Then patienly say..Thank You for being such a good girl. Walk her to her room and tuck her in.

Also I agree with the advice given about not reacting. If she does get up, silently walk her back to her room and tuck her back in bed. If she needs to go to the toilet, go with her (silently) wait till shes finshed and again walk her to her room...

Eventually she'll realise its all very very boring and you hopefully she'll stop her mid- night tantrums

Good luck with it!



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mumof10
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | mumof10
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
Hi there i just came across this great site from johnson and hjohnsons www.babycenter.com.au/sleep
have not had good look but may have some info for you hope it helps regards Michelle


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MummaBear
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | MummaBear
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
They say Terrible Twos but I think 3 is much worse than 2!  I had more problems with mine when she turned 3 than ever before.  In the evenings I make it really boring for her.  She is usually asleep after story time, so by 7pm she's snoring, but sometimes she just doesn't want to.  Sometimes she has a sleep at daycare which makes it a much later night.  This is when I do the housework and have only a couple of lights on.  The light from the kitchen, hallway and toilet gives enough light for the whole house but not enough for a child to play.  It doesn't light up the rooms at all.  Her toys get packed away before story time and not pulled out again until morning so she really has nothing to do.  The TV goes off and doesn't get turned on until I say so.  She has no books, no toys, no tv, nothing to do so she usually goes to sleep.  Have you tried doing this? Just let her stay awake but give her nothing to do, ignore any noise she makes, if she throws a hissy fit put her on her bed and walk off.  If she follows you put her back and walk off.  Don't even talk to her at all.  I don't have any hassles at bedtime.  Actually bed time is the one time of day I haven't had many problems.  She started with the "I need a drink" and "I've gotta go to the toilet" and all that but I didn't give her a drink and if she had to go to the toilet I told her to just go to the toilet and go back to bed, she doesn't need to come and tell me.  Hope you find something that works.  I think now that mine is nearly 4 I'm not having many problems any more.  I definately think tha 3 is the most challenging age.  But they do turn 4. Each age has a different stage and a different challenge but I really do think that 3 is the most difficult.  Apart from teens of course, but they're a different species entirely!


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LibbyS
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | LibbyS
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!

Hi, friends of mine had a similar experience with their little one. They tried (and had success with) the following technique - I don't know if it might work for you.

They did their normal bedtime routine like it sound like you do, and their little boy was still getting up sometimes over ten times after that. In the end it was recommended that the child was given a card, I think it was their video store card, but you could use anything.

After everything had been done  and he had been put to bed, he had the card. he was allowed to use it once, and once only, if he 'needed' something after that. Sure enough, the first night, ten minutes after bedtime he came down because he wanted a drink. This was part of the rules, so he had a small drink of water, handed over the card and went back to bed. His parents waited.. it worked!

There are many reasons why this may have worked, but do you think it  might be worth trying for your family? You could use if for both your children if you're concerned about reating them the same, and maybe link a reward of some type to using the card properly. Do you think this might work?

Hope that helps.



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yummymummyof3
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | yummymummyof3
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
Oh its so much fun isn't it, just got to love them.....  what has worked for us with our butter wouldn't melt in her mouth 3yr old daughter..... we do the routine as you do, we allow her to get up once for toilet or whatever it may be..... but our magic is complete silence we either take her by the hand and walk her back or we pick her up no eye contact no words, pop her back in to bed cover her and walk out, never sigh, never show emotion just silence and straight back to bed..... its worked for us hopefully it may work for you...  Good luck x


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      AZMom
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | AZMom
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
Great advice! I have not experienced this (yet) but what your daughter is getting from you is a reaction and communication is a reward for negative behaviour.  I have tried this when my son kept standing up at night and nap time in his crib and would not sleep.. this really worked for me after a week. Good luck!


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      yummymummyof3
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | yummymummyof3
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
oh and one more thing re the sleep in the middle of the day, my daughter does not have one, she has a bath at 5.30 or earlier, dinner then into bed by 6.30 we have not had a problem with her for a few months now just on the odd occasion x


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           MummaBear
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | MummaBear
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
Mine doesn't have a daytime nap either and she is in bed having story time by 6:30 and asleep by 7pm.  She used to go to sleep by 6:30 then my work hours changed and we don't get home until after 6 so now it's a 7pm bed time.  I have meals ready in the fridge to heat and eat as soon as we get home (prepare them the night before) then into the bath then into bed by 6:30 for books.  Works for us.  She's tired by then though so I'm working on having an earlier finish at work to be home and have her in bed by 6 then asleep by 6:30 as she is still getting up at 5am.


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                Rachall
5.00 (Excellent) | July 2007 | Rachall
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!

My sons bedtime is 8pm for that reason. His father does not get home until about 6.30-7pm from work and bedtime is harder if he goes down straight after tea so we have tea and then he has a play (wind down) and then he goes to bed. If he gets up more than once he gets put back down and the door closed. We then check on him before we turn our lights off to make sure he is under the covers.

HTH

Rachael



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rockclimbr4400
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | rockclimbr4400
Re: 3 year old and a difficult bedtime.....every night!
This is going to sound terrible, but it works. You set a bedtime, let her pee, poop, take a bath, and tell her not to call for you unless she needs to use the bathroom (for real) and put a gate up in her room.


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