Im not an expert but it seems your daughter may feel like the unliked child in your family and possibly jealous of her siblings. Maybe you could try and organise activities or jobs she can do with her sister to help work on their relationship. If the two sisters were closer maybe the resentment towards her would stop. it seems like the more you punish her the more she sees her sister as being the favoured one. Also try to show you believe in her still by giving her an important job or reponsibility to take care of and use this as a way for her to prove herself to you. She probably feels like you will always distrust her or never believe her. You should let her know trust can be re-gained and that you are 100% committed to doing that. If all else fails buy a safe and a whole bunch of padlocks are hope the next 5 years go past really fast. Only joking but best of luck believe me your not alone when it comes to this age problems.

There are some advice, comments, blogs, etc which may be able to help you.

The only thing I can think of is to get tougher/more disciplinary. Embarassment can work as well - I remember reading recently in the news that in America, a mum was so fed up of her daughter's bad ways (which included stealing) that the mum made her stand on a street corner of their town holding a sign up for a few hours which stated, "I stole money and now my mom is making me do this" and it seems to have worked. You could probably look this article up on the internet, I think it happened last week or the week before.

Hi
Welcome to the magic age of 14 year olds
This is when some alien life form comes down and steals the lovely child that you have been growing up with and leaves the evil twin in its place
Eventually they do come back and give you your child back in about 6 years
All you can do is ride it out, usually stealing is a cry for help over some deeper issue.
If the issue is not resolved then it escalates to other stuff.
Watch her for emo behaviours such as secrecy unexplained  wounds or scars etc
14 is a hard age to deal with
Does she feel that being the oldest she has too much responsibility or not enough attention
Just a few suggestions for you after having been there and still going through it with my darling  (monster) teenager. 
Luv Deb

I'm not sure of all the circumstances you're dealing with with your child, but my first reaction is that you may be overreacting.  I wouldn't consider a book that stays in the same home in a different room to be stealing.  The money thing - yes it is stealing - but I must confess to having done the same when I was a teenager, and yet I've never stolen outside the home.  I'm not saying its right or that your child shouldn't be punished, but I think its still a huge leap to taking without asking from your parents who have always provided everything you've needed in the past, to actually robbing strangers.

I must admit also to disagreeing with the "name and shame" idea (sorry Kellz).  If this had ever happened to me I am sure that would have driven me to rebel totally.    Even thinking of the idea just rises up in me a rebellious tide that I don't deserve to be treated with such contempt by the people who are supposed to love me the most.  That doesn't mean I don't agree with discipline, but you can discipline a child and still allow them to keep their dignity.

I can see that you're really struggling over this so I apologise if what I've said is no help.  I really do wish you all the best and hope your daughter can learn to get along with you all in a much happier way.

hey i have done that wen i was bout the same age stealin money etc nd alcohol  for school i no i no wat the hell was i thinking i honestly dont oops sorry mum, owell...  i jst got over it in time really

Hi there,

This is a very difficult thing to have to deal with and i understand your frustration as I've had to deal with it in the past with my teen . .  My advice is this:

YOU HAVE TO GET TOUGH! . . . . Start checking her room daily  - never at the same time! Everytime a stolen item is found (name and shame her - I did this by putting a notice on the wall near my front door it said "items that #$%#@% has stolen this wee") . .She really hated it but I had to stop the stealing . . .

I also wrote out a list of punishments from which she had to choose from EVERY time i found something!!! Some of the things on the list included: washing to toilet, doing poop patrol out the back, vacuuming entire house, dusting, wiping and washing up, cleaning windows, no T.V, No stereo, No pocket money . . . She was never allowed to pick the same punishment twice in a week.

Finally I spoke to a local police officer and explained what was happening - he very kindly offered to come around and speak to my daughter, he told her that even though she was only stealing inside her home that she could still be charged if her  sisters wanted her charged etc . .  The look of fear that crept across her face was priceless.

It took around 6 months of Naming and shaming and harsh punishments but it did work . .

I wish you lots of luck  . . . Cheers Kellz

Hi Joe this sounds very distressing, and disruptive for you and your family... It would be such a worry if she did do something like this outside the home.  If you haven't yet done so, I really think that you need to seek some sort of professional advice - even if you only start with a helpline or checking online to see what avenues are best suited for your daughter, and your family.

Does she have an explanation as to why she does it?  Have you asked her what motivates her to take things, and how she feels after she has taken them?  Ask her if there is anything that you can do that would encourage to stop this behaviour, instead of punishing her after the event.