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The Father
Hey everyone, hope everyone is doing good. I have a question about the father of my unborn twins. He now lives in Idaho and has told me that he wants to be involved but will not help support these babies. I don't know if I want him involved with MY BABIES. Part of being a dad is to help raise them and he doesn't want to. he wants to be able to come and go as he wants but wants them to call me daddy. I do not want him to have any contact with my children. He also thinks that I need to give the babies his last name and I disagree, they live with me and I am raising them I feel that they should have my last name. We are not married nor will we ever be married. Am I a bad person for feeling this was, I am I wrong for feeling this way. I could see he point if he was send money to me or something but is has made is clear that he will not send money to me or things for the babies. What do you all think I should do or not do?
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Re: The Father
Hey there,
Gracie's sperm donor made the decision to run out of the delivery room whilst I was giving birth so he pretty much showed me how much he didn't want to be involved. He has seen her once when she was 4 days old and that is that. He never once paid child support or offered any other kind of support and while this is going to sound really nasty, it's the best thing he could of ever done. Sure I get the questions (where is dad? etc) and I answer them as honestly as 7 year old can handle. I do believe that a child has right to know each parent but all the factors need to be taken into consideration. I mean, I could of put his name on the birth certificate but he was refusing to do it, I could of gone to court (glad I didn't), I could of done things differently. You can only do what you feel is best for you and the twins. I'm fairly certain that gracie is going to go through hating me for not having her dad here, she's going to resent me for not finding him etc. I made the decision that if she wants to find him she can, only when she is legally allowed to. I never ever speak down about him infront of her nor do I make him into something he's not.
Hunni, if you don't want his name on the birth certficate etc than don't do it. No matter what anyone says the decision is yours and if you feel that he's not offering what you know the twins are going to need than do what you feel is right. This is only my opinion but he doesn't sound like the most responsible fellow. It appears he wants all the fun side of parenting and not the responsibilty of being one. Again, only my opinion.
Take care and let me know how you go,
fi xoxoxo
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Re: The Father
I walked out on my eldest daughter's father when I was 12 weeks pregnant, he is not on her birth certificate, and she has my maiden name as her surname (but uses my married name as an assumed name). Her biological father surfaced when she was around 12 months old. I then made probably the hardest decision that I have ever had to make as a parent (well so far!) Whether or not to allow him into my daughter's life. I decided that I would.
Why? Because I had seen friends that had grown up not knowing who their fathers were, or not being allowed to see their fathers, and the damage that it caused to them personally and in their relationships with their mothers is something that I never wanted to put my daughter through.
My parents separated before I was 4, and I grew up with my dad. To give him his credit, he never once ran my mother down in front of me. My grandmother on the other hand was the exact opposite and took every opportunity (and still does to this day!) to run her down, and guess what? All it did was strengthen my resolve to see my mum. So for that reason, I never run off at the mouth about my daughters biological father (well not in front of her anyway LOL!)
No you are not wrong feeling the way that you do, it is instinctual to want to protect your children, but just because the relationship between you and the father of your babies hasn't worked, doesn't automatically give you the right to deny your children the chance to know their father and to decide for themselves as they grow, just what their feelings are towards him.
My daughter is now 11, and no longer sees her father, but this was her decision not mine, because she grew up knowing him, she knows that she is not missing much, whereas if I had denied her the opportunity to know him, she would have built fantasies about him, and if and when she found him, would have had her fantasies and her heart shattered, which would have been far more damaging to her than swallowing my pride (and my anger) to allow him to see her ever damaged me.
Hugs.
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Re: The Father
That is very harsh. Do you think I'm terrible for not putting my daughter's father on the birth certificate and for giving her my last name? You don't know any circumstances and why should the children have a different last name from the parent they live with? Fair enough if they had joint custody or something, but no way would I have even for a moment considered giving my daughter her father's last name!!!!! That just would never have happened, she lives with me, I am her mother, I am her parent, I am the one who is raising her, paying her bills, she is on my Medicare Card, my pension card, I pay her childcare fees and I will be the one to put her through school! She will have my last name. Her father is not going to take the credit just because they shared a last name, when I was the one who put in the hard yards and did it all without him. Think what you like, but she deserves better than to have anything to do with him. I'm honest, she knows who he is, she doesn't know everything of course as it is too much for a 3 year old to take in. Sorry, that just really got to me saying that he must be on the birth certificate. I don't get child support, I don't want child support, it's more hassle then it's worth emotionally. As far as I'm concerned, she is just my child as he has not had anything to do with her. He can't be acknowledged as her father if she doesn't even know him. He had the chance, he blew it. I'm not going to push and I tell her to forget him she has lots of other people who love and care for her. I don't want his money! I can make my own money!
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