ok.. i havent been around for months .. having given this place up as a lost cause..however, i decided to come back and see it things had improved any and happened to stumble upon this question.. and thought.. this woman must be in in a parallel universe!!!!!!!!!!

My ex an i have been separated for 2 years.. he pays his child support through CSA and complains all the time that he hates giving me money to pay the rent on a house that i shouldnt be living in.. (nevermind the fact that his kids are living with me!).. we are currently going through a property settlement.. and ever since my solicitor informed him that we would be going for 65% ( im willing to setle for 50/50 but he wont be in it so shes going in all guns blazing) he has decided that now is the time that he is going to go for shared care of the kids..

like you.. i have been very accommodating with his time with the children.. telling him on more than one occasion that he can see them whevever he likes.. even encouraging him to see them more often.. but..he chooses not to avail himself of those opportunities.. yet given the new legislation regarding care.. chances are i could be looking down the barrel of week about care.. one week here, one week with him..and why?.. certainly not because he has come forth claiming that he wants more time with his kids.. if he wanted that all he had to do was say so..instead he claims quite regularly that he cant have them on his given weekends because he has "work committments" (this last conflict of interest just happened to occur at the smae time as the  live earth concert was happening in sydney  and he just happened to have work committments in sydney for that weekend..lolol..)but becuase it will decrease his child support payments.. it will decrease my parenting payment... and it will punish me... the new legislation is based on the presumption of 50/50 care...the only thing i have in my favour is the current status quo.. ie.. the children have spent the majority of the time wit me since the split...men ( some men. not ALL men.. before someone hauls me over the coals) are only interested in their hip pocket and punishing the person who walked out on them...

all i can say to you is good luck...but dont let him bully you around.. i refuse to speak to my ex except through a solicitor... save for the hello when he comes to pick up the kids...

Hi chello72,

After deliberating what advice I could give and also already reading thru some of the comments which have already been made, one particular comment made from DEBORAHSC2203- which states something along the lines of "seeking advice from legal aide (at least they will only represent one parent) so you may as well get in first" and "child support agency and not to make a private agreement as this may be too hard to police yourself".

I couldn't have put it better myself.  Im also going thru these dramas (thinking to be fair to my ex)- so he can see his children a little more (20 days infact) other than what the court orders state) only to find NOW that his new partner (wife) and himself are emotionally abusing the children etc.

Having studied psychology and understanding behaviour etc and now studying law (so im aware of the "supposedly" new legislation which will come into play- DONT GIVE IN.  Just stick to what you have already been doing &/or what is in place.  From my experience and what I have learnt thru personal experience- the kids are the innocent ones and yes, it is about the money!!

good luck
love and light

I think, happy mum, happy dad, happy kids, even if you are separated. This is hard because it always looks greener on the other side. I find that going to court only gives all that money that could be going to the kids to the lawyers. Only you know what is best for your kids. If you say you don't need the money and would be happy to take a little less to keep him happy then I would say do it as long as it is not affecting your children. I have seen so many guys go through hard times and not be able to get on there feet because of the large amount of child support and tax that they pay. I don't know your ex-husbands situation but have seen guys even earning that much in financial struggles because of it. Everyone can throw there arms up and shout take him to the cleaners but if he is not happy it will rub off on everyone concerned then noone wins, only the lawyers.

I am in this situation

FIGHT HIM. Don't let him win this one. It sounds to me like its all about the money to him otherwise he would pay it no dramas. But he wants to argue over it. His problem not yours.

Make sure you do it all by the book. Let child support collect the money. Tell centrelink (if needed) about the changes to care. Get a custody agreement written up. This last one if very important because if there isn't one in place, and he decides to not return the kids, there is nothing you can do till it goes through court. He can take them and not give them back and you might not see them for months... and yes, he is legally allowed to.

Remember (and it might pay to remind HIM of this) that you BOTH had these children and are BOTH responsible for material things as well as emotional. So yes he should pay what he is supposed to because its his responsibility. Fight it out through the right channels and if you can help it don't get dragged into arguing with him about it. Let child support deal with it (this is their job) and let your lawyer talk to him and him (that is their job) and you take care of yourself and your kids :)

I don't know what to say since I haven't been in this situation but I can tell you that I'm sure you will do what's best for your kids.  You are their mom and you know how to do it.  Have faith in yourself and good luck. 

Hi  there , have to agree with the others here on this . He just  buffing u  stand your ground and let go for it , as he only see the kids once week and doses oick them up from school at all  and u are looking after full time .

To me its the money thats  is a iusse here with him not u   so just hang in there , all the best to u   and the family .

I totally agree with the other comments made on this subject. My partner tried to get out of paying for my son and I took him to court for payments. I won. He told the court he wasn't making enough money driving his truck and the judge told him to sell it if he could support his son. He was furious. He never even wanted to see my son until child support came up, which wasn't for 3 years! Then he made me have a paternity test which he paid for. Embarrassing, but it turned out that it was the thing I needed to file for child support! It cost him over $8,000 to fight me, and it cost me nothing. Now, he says, he's got his own 'perfect' son and doesn't need to see Jacob anymore. (Jacob has Down syndrome). Strooth. He hadn't seen him since he was 3 months old, so no big deal anyway. But that's okay, it's his loss. Regardless of that he has to put the money in the bank every month as agreed and it pays for my son's herbal remedies. He was hopping mad at the beginning, threatening exactly all the things you said. It's just a lot of hot wind. Just get CSA to collect your well deserved pittence of money that he's required to pay, (and it's a joke considering that we have our kids 24/7) and tell him to put a sock in it.

It is a small world. I am currently in your position. My first bit of advice is dont accept personal payments thru him. I had the same thoughts as you regarding not needing his money etc but soon realised....why should he get off without supporting his children!!!!! I was threatened with custody etc and although it was no laughing matter, i had to have a bit of a chuckle bcause the only time he ever sees the children is when i bring up the subject. Listen honey, dont back down. You just do what your doing and if he has any problems tell him to contact the csa as the matter is out of your hands. Be strong. Feel free to visit my page cos i could help u with alot!! Chin up!!

let him call his own bluff ,,he dosent want to take the kids away from you hes just bluffing and having a tanti cause you wont do things his way

once they go to a private agreement its hard to police it yourself without the support of the agency . i wouldnt do any private arrangement at all .. it might not be about the money for you... but your kids deserve it

I would regarless go and have a chat with legal aid as they will only support one parent in the family its best you get in first ,, even if it dosent go that far its always better to know what your options are etc,, and if you need them in the future and he continue's to behave like a spoilt child then you would of aready started a case with them on file ,,

been there several times myself he threatened to take my boys away from me you name it

mine didnt want them ... but he wanted me to beleive that so he would get his way also

I didnt give in to his tanties either ...

good luck and all the best ,,

oh and if he does take you to court or you do seek legal aid ...arrangments can also be made though them with him having your children with him on school holidays etc,, and he has to be reasonable about this also get it all on paper and signed ....

 

Hi
This is from my situation only and what i would do
I would leave it with the child support agency and tell him to go for it
Tell him to speak to your solicitor through his
Once he sees what it will cost him to even start taking you to court to try get custody he will more than likely back down anyway
Due to the fact you have allowed him free access to his children why would a judge give him custody anyway
Don't give in as once you have a private agreement you have to contact child support every month anyway and tell them what he gives you and they spend a lot of time stuffing this up as well
Weeks that he doesn't pay for some reason or other they will want to know why and want you to chase it up
Once it is in their hands it is in their hands forever.  Whether you have a private agreement or not
I agreed to a private agreement with my ex and it has been nothing but a nightmare ever since.
Just my thoughts
Luv Deb

Let him threaten as it sounds to me that he is just after the money,. and on what grounds would he get your children ...... I personally wouldnt have a private agreement with aguy if that how he carried on. and what he doesnt realise that if he does share care, and u get family assistance from centrelink, he is entitled to some of it, so if he is more worried about money then his kids, then give hime his money..... Fight for whats right for your children as money isnt everything and you defiently have the right parenting skills on what you are writing here....

Tell him to go nad jump in a cold lake and think about his kids for once.....

Hi there

I have never been thru what u r going thru so i wont pretend that i know the answer ok.

From the way i see it, his threats are just that...threats. Why would a judge award custody to a father thatonly sees his kids once a week. If he is so hell-bent on having custody then why isn't he seeing the kids every day? U would think that he would be popping by to see them all the time, not just on his access visits. A judge would look at this and agree.

As for maintenence payments, i would be sticking to what the law says. Its no good doing a private agreement. Its too easy for him to get out of paying if he changes his mind. In a perfect world where ex's get along it might work but in general, its not worth the hassle. Let him threaten to take u to court, I bet he chickens out within a month!!