a great big thank you to all that have helped me with their advice.  i will try anything and everything.

no offence taken to the lady about a little smack......sometimes they do need a tap on the hand or leg.

i appreciate all minti readers for their help.........wish me luck!!

xx shelleyb  

You need to tackle this one little by little and by consistency. Whining ititates the hell out of me and I refused to budge when one of my kids started on it. I would say ask properly no whining, you have to be firm and not give in otherwise she is learning the opposite to what you want. Basically if you give in to it they learn that it works and continue.  I never indulged tantrums or kids in my bed I used stop and out. Sometimes you have to be the broken record for the message to sink in but persistence will pay off. I know it sounds hard and it is when these types of behaviours have become habit but remaining focused on the end behaviour you want to develop helps. When I had a trantrum thrower I went home, left grocery karts straight to the car home. When I want came out sorry I didnt get to finish my shopping. I even had a great friend who would mind the thrower while I took the other three  that helped immensley.  Whatever strategy you choose to adopt from everyones advice, adopt it be firm and consistent, you can win this....best wishes!

HI,my husband worked away for 3 yrs and may only have been home 1 day a week when my  4 children were younger.I know how hard it can be you have to be the dicipliner plus the good mummy when they need a hug or a kiss or some comforting words.My children played many games with me in the beginning like your daughter is doing,although I preferred them to be in my room but they knew when daddy was home that they were to be in their own beds.They soon learnt when mummy said no I meant no.You have to be firm and in a very firm tone with them I dont know what you think of a smack on the bum but it worked for me when I told them to do or not to do something I would also get the wooden spoon out but would not use it but worked a treat as a threat ,as a loud bang on the bench with it made them move.

Sorry with all these new rules out I think some parents are to frightened to give their child a smack and in some cases I believe some kids need a good smack,I am not saying your daughter does but sometimes if they have never had one the shock of actually getting one is enough to shock them and realize mum is not mucking around.With the whining I would ignore it I know it is very hard but she has to realize that she is not going to get what she wants by whining for it,and if she asks for something nicly and if it ok give it to her ,then  she will learn that being nice will get her much further in life.Well you have got many ideas from many members so I hope some suggestions help you and your daughter to get through these trying times.I also hope that i have not offended you in any way by suggesting to give her a smack,I am only saying what worked for me when I was having to manage by myself.

                                                           Cham

 

With the bed thing, I would put up a gate in her doorway. And leave her in there. She is old enough to stay all night in her bed. Or you can do it the slow way, a cot or air mattress by her bed and slowly move yourself out of her room. I personally would go for the quick way, the gate, but its up to you. Sounds like you've had enough. Stick to your rules, and if she is whining ignore her. Try to say things like, mommy is busy, you are a big girl, go play with your toys. You might want to try a rewards system, say one day without whining mommy will take you to the park etc. Hope this helps, good luck!

I agree with the others about ignoring the whinging.  Tantrums and whining and hissy fits get nowhere in this house.  I tell her "I like manners and when you can use them, you can talk to me" and that's the end of it until she talks to me.  With the sleeping in her own bed, I'm not sure because I sleep with both our doors open and if I wake up with her next to me that's fine so long as I'm not sleeping with a knee in my back lol.  I've done her room up now and she loves it.  I made her room how she liked it when she was about 2 and that's when she stopped wanting to sleep with me, although we do have times when she just will not sleep anywhere other than in my bed.  2 nights ago she told me "I'm not going to pee in your bed tonight I'm going to go to the toilet" so I asked her if she was sleeping in my bed and she told me yes but she won't pee in it this time like she did last time.  I was not happy waking up at 1:30am with pee on my bed, my pjs and me!  So she slept in my bed that night, didn't wet the bed thank god, and hasn't been in there since.  So maybe if you have a relaxed approach to it and let her have the choice but try to sway her into sleeping in her room by telling her how nice it is, she might not be fixated on sleeping in your bed.  Hannah always wants what she can't have, and so long as she's allowed to have me to herself, or she's allowed in my bed, or she's allowed to do things that other parents wouldn't want their kids to do, she just doesn't want those things.  Of course there are still rules and restrictions, but with regards to picking her up, sleeping with her etc if she can have those things she doesn't want them.  So maybe that's something to try.  Let her have it, and she may lose interest.  It's allowable therefore it's boring lol.  I have a bright one as well, and it's hard being a step ahead of them isn't it? Also make sure she has plenty of activities to keep her mind, hands and body busy throughout the day, but also a wind-down quiet time for about an hour through the day.  Even if she doesn't sleep, it's important to have a rest time with stories or something else quiet.  They get over the whingy whining stage pretty fast if it's ignored but it depends how often you've given in how long you'll have to persist.  I never gave in, whinging is something I cannot handle, so it didn't last long.

OK, sleeping in her own bed - I don't have a problem with my kids coming into my bed during the night, my youngest still does it at nearly 6, the other boys til they were about 8. BUT if you don't like it, have you tried shutting the door to her room so she can't get out or maybe a baby gate across the doorway? Some have found that this works, if she wakes up and wants to come in, she can't get out but if she yells out you can tell her to get back into bed. "It won't happen overnight, but it will happen" LOL. Persistence is the key.

Whining - I find with my 5 yr old, I will not answer him if he whines. He must ask properly if he wants something. Again, with the crying, ignore it if you can.

When you tell her off, anticipate her comment with a "You know I love you and always will, but I do not like your behaviour right now." If she throws the "You are the best mum in the world" just reply with a "Thank you"

If you send her to her room, simply tell her to go, and if she screams and argues, just keep repeating "go to your room", *she screams* "your room" and put her in there, just saying room to her and nothing else.

She will get used to it in time if you are persistent. Hope this helps you.

Leisa

I read this and thought omg sounds like my daughter a few weeks ago when her daddy was away...

So this is what i did if she wanted to sleep on the couch, i let her...

Another thing is and a lot wont agree here with me on this, was it was chloes bday, and we brought a dvd player and heaps of dvds, and she watches them for half hour, and then falls asleep..

Also just ignoring her and starting a star chart works for some kids as well..