Thanks to all who replied I have taken your suggestions on board and the leaving her remark was basicly about leaving her to it not taking off over the situation, anger managment seems to be the last resort as apparently there is no problem there so talk and possibly the doctor is our first avenue as this has only just begun since bub has turned into a todler. Thanks again!

The fact that you are asking the question to me seems as though you already realise it is a bit excessive or looks to becoming so.  Has she always been quick flash temper towards you or is this a new side to her that has just introduced itself recently?  If it's only since the birth of your son it could be Post Natal related, if it's a chemical PND it can go untreated getting progressively worse for years and years until the imballance is corrected with medication and the learned thinking patterns have been counteracted with therapy (both can be free of charge if you go through your district child health centre).  Perhaps when she is having a calm moment you can incredibly calmly and with telling her you have no wish to set her off explain your fears to her and some possible solutions.  ie. when she feels angry with you, no matter what she's doing (middle of dinner what ever) she gets up and goes outside and has a quick walk around, or writes you a letter explaining her feelings (my hubby and I did this prompted by our therapyst, but I let things slide and boil until I became eruptive after about a week of things building up).  Something so that she can let off steam before she comes back and explains to you the reason she feels angry or upset etc.  You must hear her out without interupting (and she you in turn) and then you can work out a way to insure that this wont be repeated if possible in the future.

I have learned to tell myself that my hubby does cook when he's home and cleans up after himself, even though I get wild with him constantly leaving the cap off the tooth paste, the toilet seat up and walking dirt into the house or leaving his beer cans all over the outdoor setting or news papers so they blow all over the yard for ME to pick up.  All little trivial things in themselves but I'm a builder, I build them all up from the pebble to the mound hill to the mountain and then I erupt like Krakatowa (can't spell sorry). 

I even post notes for myself about the good things he does, and as soon as I'm reminded I simmer down immediately, sometimes we wear blinkers and need reminders to open our eyes wider to the bigger picture.

I do wish you all the best, and I would encourage you to have a clam discussion.... maybe even show her these responses (unless you think it'll make things worse) so she can see that you are not alone in YOUR opinion on her over smacking your son.  I smack but never when I'm angry  and only on her hand and only after 3 or more warnings.

Not knowing the full extent of this situation, i'd say she does..But i have also seen this situation before..With my own family...my dad would start on my mum for something..us kids would begin to play up and wack we would cope it..and dad would say exactly what you are saying now..

As i said i'm not pointing fingers here so dont think i'm accusing or anything, because i'm not at all...

Have you sat back and really looked at the events leading up to her becoming angry and smaking the child?

Children can get on your nevers at the best of times..

Did you say something to prevoke the situation?

my dad used to and still occasionally does pick at my mum, especially when she is busy..

He'll winge because this isnt done when he wanted, and doesnt take into account what she has been doing during the day..then he'll get upset because she has forgotten or taken longer than he expected, when he wanted her attention..

Then he'll say something small like ecuse the french (Bloody woman) and thats it argument...

Maybe this is what has happened with you..I have seen it time and time again..

Maybe you should ask her what set her off (NICELY)

Talking about what happened usually makes things better, leaving over a smack..your family..your life..your wife..your child..your home..

Which one is easiest..You love this woman and i'm sure she loves you..Talk about it..listen next time and think before you speak..

YES, she has anger management problems!  What she is doing is abusive, and although you say she would never hurt your child - I get the feeling that you know full well that she is.  Not only physically, but psychologically as well.

I am not an advocate for spanking or smacking - and usually I think each unto their own.  In this case, all forms of physical punishment need to stop in your home.  As she can't control her impulses and slaps your child at all when he has done nothing, she can't be trusted to use this method appropriately, and you need to find some other way to discipline him also.

The buck stops here - you are the father of this child, your job is to protect and nurture him.  If you don't lay down the law and tell her to stop immediately, and seek help - you are being an accessory to this abuse.  I am sure you don't want that. 

Of course there are other ways to discipline a child effectively, there is a lot of advice on here, and other websites in regard to this.  Your main concern right now is to protect your child from your wife, and ensure she understands that what she is doing is wrong, and you will not stand by while she does it anymore.

Well I feel if you love her then no don't leave till all avenues have been covered.......It sounds as though she needs help to work out strategies to cope with her anger.......smacking for nothing is abuse (I feel) some would say smacking at all is abuse.......I  feel you both need to sit down and discuss the help she is to receive and go from there,it is possible without help she could become worse and who is to say your Bub would not be in danger then....especially if you are not around? At the end of the day this is up to you as you know your partner and the situation I can only go off what you have written here.I hope for all your sakes your partner gets some help....I feel for you all Hugs Crystal xx

in my opinion (don't mean to sound harsh) but if your partner is smacking the child because she is angry with you , it is abuse....especially if it leaves a big red mark!
I think she should perhaps go and see a counsellor about her anger so that it doesnt get out of hand!
I am sorry once again if i seem out of line but its just what i feel!
Cheers.