talk to her about what just happened and let her know that you love her ,, talk to her about the word hate ,, have talks about how it got to this stage where you both where real mad at eachother and how you both can suggest together how to make things better and show eachother love ,, we all do and say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment ,, its working out how it got to this stage finding differnt ways to resolve things ,, time out etc,,, talks about whys shes soo mad at you etc,,, talk to her about why the word hate hurts you soo much but no matter what you do love her etc,,

Why is that a term that is not allowed in your house? You "Hated" your little girl saying it so much that it Pushed you to the limit of your endurance. Hate is a strong concept and I doubt your little one knows what it means. We all have our limits, and you poor thing have learned like the majority of us, what your limits are. It's aways a shock and as long as we learn from it and change, we can forgive ourselves. I understand that to use "I hate you" is unsettling to a loving parent, or any bad language for that matter. However most of  the time, I think kids use it because they're under stress and dont know how to express themselves.I would, Hug your little girl, explain why you were wrong and help her to understand that we are all human.What she said was not good,and what you did was not good and you could both learn togeather about expressing your frustrations. Best wishes.

Sadly at that age they dont quite understand that Hate is such a hurtful word, They can sort of understand that love is hugs and kisses from mum and dad type thing/ felling but hate is just not liking something. My 2 kids say I hate you to both me and their dad when they get in trouble and to each other when they dont like each other but I have learned to deal with it by telling them that you cant hate something it is dislike. I have found that re directing them it has cut it down a lot.

I used to get my mouth washed out with soap or chilli powder put in it. I still have nightmares about it, i also get flash backs when my husband disaplins my kids. It will pass and she will stop saying it, at the moment it is just a reaction to what she has heard. Hate is used alot.

Good Luck

I think that it is over reacting, she merely voiced her opinion, and it is hardy a dirty word, or a swear word... She is a very young girl, finding out about the world, what is she supposed to think of that, and is it even good for her health? I also think that making a big fuss over it and acting like that would be more likely to increase her resentment toward you. 

Of course you could have made it clear that, that is a very hurtful thing to say, and that it has upset you.  Then used your naughty/thinking corner or spot for an appropriate amount of time, then had a talk to her about it again.  It could have been a positive thing to reinforce how upsetting it is, how you never want her to use the word again, and how much you love each other. 

In fact - it is never too late to make up and apologise to each other - so if you haven't already, then you should.

Now please anyone dont think I am being nusty or anything I just want to know how do you wash someones mouth with soap I dont get it. Do you use liquid or put a bar of soap I honestly dont know and dont get it. I am not saying is right or wrong or comenting on the question its just that I have heard it a lot but I have no idea how is done. I know about the chilly and that but not the soap.

My daughter went through a faze of saying this and each time I simply said, "And I love you." Sweetly as and ignore any further comment to the situation unless it was positive... ie, an apology or hug. My 2 nearly three yr old says , "I don't like you anymore" when she can't get her way and I reply with, "I love you and that makes mummy sad." She immediately apologises and gives me a hug. Relax, they will grow out of it... until the teenage years that is.

Hi its Ian here,  I think you are right for not tolerating the dreaded "H" word,  and it would make you,  as a parent,  feel downright lousy,  especially as you would no doubt love and cherish your child like no other,  however,  I have found no surer way to get a child to repeat (often at the most in-opportune moment!) an undesirable word or phrase,  than to make a big fuss about it,  if the child realizes that saying it will ensure a reaction out of the parent,  you can bet they will do it! i have had my children tell me they hate me amongst other things,  and all i usually do is say to them that i think its what I'm doing/stopping you from doing,  that you hate,  not me,  and that I'm not interested in that kind of talk at all. upon saying this,  i immediately go about my business as if nothing was said, and ignore any further attempts to get my reaction.  I might also add though,  that when my first child said it to me all those years ago,  i was devastated and thought i was the worst parent in the world to be able to make my child feel that way,  but now,  nine  children later,  i tend not to let it bother me as much!  I'm sure your little one doesnt really hate you, also i think every parent who cares about their children, will feel guilty every time they have to discipline them, when receiving discipline as a child myself,  my parents often said "this will hurt me more than it will hurt you" as a child i thought it was a crock of...well you know, but  as a parent i understand what they meant.

Hi there,

Firstly you need to calm down. Of course you little one will be upset - she just tasted something really yucky!
If you back down now you will have accomplished nothing and will in fact open the door for more bad behaviour.

That being said, at 4 your little one doesn't really understand what "I hate you" means . .  She has obviously heard it somewhere ad was just mimicking . . 

Perhaps next time you could reply with a shrug and say "oh is that right, well okay but guess what? Mummy still loves you" and then casually walk away and act as if it doesn't matter . .

cheers Kellz

I agree with winja on this. She really doesnt understand what she is saying so take her aside and explain to her how that made you feel and you dont like her saying things that hurt you.  Most kids in a life time say it bec its life but deep down inside they dont mean it.  Unconditional love!!!!  Washing your childs mouth out with soap is not what i would do but you are her parent and you will do what you do. I think its uncalled for but as i have been told b4 that was a method how to stop kids from doing things years ago. Good luck and hope things turn out for you

Hugs Tee

My "darling" little one says it all the time and the stock standard response is "and I love you". If she persists with saying it then it's off to the naughty corner for 7 minutes followed by the two of us sitting down and talking about it. I usually say to her that "mummy doesn't say those kind of things to you so you shouldn't be saying them to me". As for the washing out with soap..... not my first choice but if it works for you then it works for you. I know of a lot of kids that pull out the "I hate you" all the time. They don't mean it especially at 4 as they don't fully comprehend what it means. It's something that they have learnt from other kids or t.v or wherever. They know it's going to get a reaction so for me.... I don't usually react to it.  No reaction and she'll usually stop and then come and tell me that she loves me.

Best of luck,

fi xo

At that age they really have no idea what it actually means. They are angry and looking for a response and they don't really know how to express themselves. When it comes to emotions and children, everything is to the extreme.......Don't take it personally.......just explain to her that comments like that hurt your feelings and that even though you may get angry, you love her with all your heart.

Amanda xxxx

My kids know that I do not tolerate the "I hate you" in my house. When they say it I tell them that they can not like me as much as they want, but the day they say "I hate you" they are out the door. Took the first boy all of 25 mins before he said it again, he had to pack his bag and leave by the front door. Didn't think I was serious til I closed it behind him. Took him 1/2 hour to say sorry, and he hasn't said it again. The other two have only had to have the warning. My oldest was 4 when he said it. Worked a treat.

Leisa

Well yes she is only 4, no not acceptable but does she really understand what that means??  I personally would never wash my kids mouths out with soap or anything else, rather sit them down and explain what it means and how hurtful it is and that it is not acceptable.... I would then explain if I heard them say it again they would have their favorite toy taken from them....  She has obviously heard it from somewhere and is just repeating like 4 yr olds do, if I was you I would be going and giving her lots of love and giving her a little talk on what love and hate means.....  Good luck to you x

personally i wuld ut her in her rom for 4 mins starting from when she is calmand i wuld also take away treats for the rest of the day

hope this helps a litle

calm down and just explain quietly that she should never say that again and that it made you feel sad, she would have heard it from someone else and prob doesnt understand what she said.

i would leave her there a bit longer then make her say sorry. i use tobasco or chilli sauce on my kids the soap didn't seem to work. Don't feel guilty about it, she will learn what words she is or isn't to say. Hang in there.

Good luck

theresa