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Divorce Mediation And Collaborative Divorce,
What are the benefits of collaborative divorce and divorce mediation?
What is the difference between collaborative divorce and divorce mediation?
What is "divorce mediation"?
What happens during the collaborative divorce process?
How does divorce mediation affect my family?
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Ok... so here is my thought for a list for you to address, and hammer out together /mediator /therapist.

Try to be as non-emotional as you can, stick to facts, try to stay away from flaming..  If you are able to resolve these big triggers::::childcare expense, support money,  tax refund check: (who claim the child on taxes), property, and most important, medical/dential/vision**big $$$** , vacations school year...holiday, summer, weekends/ visitation with ex, with grand parents.  I asked for at least two week notice of any change or addition so my plans wouldnot be interupted, ggrrrrrr with a one week follow up conformation.....if you can do all this, then all you need is ask the court, in writing, (using the appropriate forms) to grant a divorce / "no-fault".  The court may have a booklet you can get for free, a how to:  "no Lawyer divorce"

You do need to serve with a legal court representative and file with court for divorce. Custody: either sole legal custody, (all decisions medical, educational, living with one person...the other has esentially visitation/no responsibilty) or joint custody, (shared responsibilty, this can be tricky if abuse is involved, as ex can take kids out of state, or country and not get arrested)  You can not just draw up an agreement between the two of you...has to go through the court system.  May cost you $500./$600 all total...even if court apoints a lawyer for your kids.

I got a dozen manilla folders and did sub-categories of papers I got from his attorney, the court, what I wanted, what he wanted and correct filing paper work.    I got a 5 subject note book, recorded every conversation, who what where when, and  out come of any conversations. Most of all keep all your papers in one place, (sanity sanity sanity for my organized pandimonium!!! )I went to a store that had multi-file briefcases. If your child/children are appointed a guardian ad-lit em, (done by the Judge, their own attorney) jump through hoops to get any information to this person they ask for! *School records, medical records, programs the kids are in.etc.. they represent your child's best interests in the court proceedings, and can be your best friend...just remember they "work" for your kids.   

Very very important, do keep your opinions of each other away from your kids as much as possible.  Expect your kids to be angry, for no reason, or be much more emotional for no reason...they'll pick up or the stress in the  house, they may not feel able to express in words what is going on in their hearts or heads for fear of hurting either parent or confusion about where they will be and what their live will be like. 

and when money & property are involved, so is stress...unfortunately, what one says is not  always what will happen, nor is it the truth, friends can become estranged, and what is the "truth" for one is not necessarily the "truth" for the other. Divorce, it's the worst, next to a death,  I had a roller coaster of emotions, and still can get triggered to this day.

 If you tend to get stressed.... (I did..big time) walking in quiet or with music can sooth the mind, raise your serotonin level naturally thiscan help with anxiety and depression. (I took meds for depression) I love this site...www.flylady.com.....if you're anything like me....lordy the papers....the clutter.... you'll find fun ways to get organized and your kids helping you too!!!  "Finally Loving Yourself"  All the best to you  :o)  Simba1

Hi Hunni even if you both sign this document it has no legal standing in the courts. He can still come and take the kids when ever he wants as there is no formal agreement. They can be removed from the country at any time without your permission.

If you do not wish to go through lawyers for your divorce still lodge the family arrangments with a lawyer it gives you the protection you need hindsight is an amazing thing and I would really not want you to be writting an article in a year or so about kids been taken by their father.

I have an informal arrangement with my ex and it works well but he can still remove them anytime he wants which is scarry at times but he is so disorganised I would be shocked if he did LOL

It may be ok now but you just never know new partners etc this is what can trigger things so just think about it work out what seems fair to you both then lodge it with the family courts. Both of you sit down and work it out. No matter what he agrees to pay it is set by the government exactly how much he has to pay. 

Any money he pays make sure it is into a bank account this keeps a record of it for you both. Any extra he wants is ok but the agreed amount document it. Protect yourself and the kids.

Hope this helps MWHA JEN

like you where saying

everyother weekend like fortnights from friday to sunday

eg ,,, if he comes to get them after work at a reasonible time 6pm and brings them back sunday not too late as they are young

work out the times

holidays half seems to be the thing to do but that also depending on both of your work etc,,,

you should be able to work this out fairly for both of you and the children

put also in writing that times can be changed if things like they are ill etc,, work commitments etc,, but both have to also agree on that ,, but if they are ill they should be with the mum till they are fine to go stay with their dad etc,,

bescides having the usual child support papers i would also have that you both are to pay for any specialists cost or hospital costs regarding your children and go halfs in that ,, if you have private health for them that also should be included that you both are to pay half the cost for your chldren

all these types of things where put in our agreement

i also had that he was to pay for also half all schooling costs and uniforms and books

but these type of things you can have on paper but be re drawn up when the time comes ..

it has to be reasonable for both of you and fair and all of you including the children with subject to change if both agreed cause things do happen its just a guideline etc,,write things out and to be reviewed in like 6 months or a year ,,,

my ex partner celebrates xmas eve so my boys had that with him and then xmas day with me etc,, as they got older things changed as he had a larger family and always went away with family for the holidays so i let my boys spend all that time with them as it was alot of fun for them ..... even without laywers you can still get things drawn up and both sign and both have the aggree ment as long as you are both into being reasonable and not trying to get at eachother etc,, if that seems to maybe the case i would go to a lawyer legal aid to get them to go over your agreement before anyone signs ...happy parents make happier children

it can be so easy to get lost in all the hate with any x when regaring the children

my ex wasnt allowed to have his new wife involved in the any talks unless i agreed as she loved to make all sorts of problems and didnt like to give up a cent either ,,,

this is just a guide line to get you started ,,