Hi cazza ,  I think if  you  sit down and talk this young kid   , you know which way to turn . Everyone deservers a sceond chance in life  and you might fine that he learnt his listen the hard way . I am not saying to forget but you can forgive him for doing such a silly thing in the first place .

julie

Hi Dear Cazza,

                            After the time i have known you, i'm sure you are a good judge of character.....so i'm sure, if you talk to this boy....you will know, on your gut feelings what to do. Whether to allow him, around your children, once again.

Love Janicexxxxx

This kid has issues that may be beyond your ability to handle.  The risk is that he becomes a bad influence on your family.

We had situations like this as teenagers and up until we left home my mother was choosing who we could have as friends. I hated it at the time, and was embarrased if mum told friends to stay away if they were a bad influence. But she was pretty reasonable about it, she sat down with them and explained what she didn't approve of and why they were not welcome at our house (this also went for my older brothers friends who were in their early 20's). In hindsight I thank god she did that for us, as it takes a lot of guts to stand up for your kids and protect their futures, and that's what you would be doing. A close friendship with a disfunctuonal boy will prove disastrous for your family, your children would have to be very mature, wise and of very strong morals and ideals to resist the future ahead (drugs, crime etc). The reason why we are considered adults at 18 is because that is the age where we are out of the danger zone. Don't expect your children to make the decision to stay away from him - make it yourself and explain to both parties why they are not allowed the friendship. A good friend of mine went off the rails at 13/14 and I was no longer allowed to see her. I am friends with her again (true friendships endure years of seperation) and she is a wonderful person, a great mum and is in a loving relationship with a good, honest person. I am suprised that she is not in jail. She still remembers what my mother said to her that day, which had a profound impact in her life. My mother told her she loved her, would miss her and hoped that she will clean herself up. But that she couldn't let me follow her down the same path. If you talk to both parties very clearly about why they are not allowed contact, they will understand. Not only will you protect your childrens future (and your friends son's, but you might help that boy to realise that his behaviour is detrimental to his happiness. Good luck.

You should forgive, but not forget.  This kid obviously needs some support and from what I know of you, you give it. 

I would be supportive of this kid but be cautious.  He needs someone in his corner, even if he screws up again.  Just be careful that you aren't the one that suffers incase he does.

Angela

Cazza i can only give you my opion! I always say i can always forgive but i never forget! Hopefully he has learnt from his mistakes and i would give him a last chance. I would also tell him that as he is old enough to understand.  But in the back of my mind it will still be there and i would keep a eye on him. Sometimes kids need that extra support but its up to you on how you feel and what effect it would have on your family and kids.If my kids were easly lead i would prob have a really hard think but if my kids werent i would feel a little more relaxed with the friendship.You are the best judge as you have had foster kids and sometime they just need some kind of structure. Good luck with it all and hope all works out ok. Hugs Always Tee

Maybe you should take the time to sit down and have a good chat with him.  He is old enough to discuss whether or not he feels that he has learned his lesson or want to change his ways.  He is also young enough to be influenced by nice people (like yourself), and be given another chance.

I understand why you are wary though, and it is difficult when you have your own kids to be worried about.  Try to talk to him though - just to help you with our own peace of mind - whichever decision you make.

thats a tough one . look my sister stole alot of money from my parents and i have the saying once a thief  always a thief just like cheating i say .. but then he may have learnt his leason . so i dont know . its hard depends how many yrs ago you are talking .

 

If he's been in a detention centre, one of 2 things would have likely come from this.

He may have learnt alot from his time there, learnt alot about himself and society, and matured.

OR

He may have not learned his lesson and on top of that learnt bad behaviours from the other kids in the detention centre.

He's still a child, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but keep a very, very close eye on him and pull your kids away at the first sign of trouble.  Make a rule that he can visit at your house, but your kids aren't to go anywhere with him.  I'd be making a point that trust has been broken and has to be earnt back.

Good luck with it it's a tough one.