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Pre-teen monsters
I have an 11 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I was a single mother for many years, and have now been happily married for 2 years. We have a baby. The problem: My 2 older children have always fought like cats and dogs. They constantly make rude remarks to the other one, turning idle conversation into a battleground. No dinner, or breakfast, or lunch goes by w/o disruption, some personal remark about the other one. I am literally at my wits end. They rarely have fought physically, until recently, when an occasional poke or kick happens, which I react to immediately.
I have almost always, all the time, been pulled into the middle. I hate it. I feel I need to respond b/c the comments are so visicious (you're fat, ugly, stupid, no friends, I heard that nobody likes you, etc...).
Help!
Tired of the constant bickering, and I do mean constant.
Momto4bangor
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Re: Pre-teen monsters
my eldest kids consist of 3 boys, which are 16, 15, nearly 13 and a girl who's 11 ( and a girl who's also 4 but she's no trouble as yet ) if they do all the things you have mentioned. I make them sit in the kitchen, and make them write out why they were calling their brother or sister these nasty names and have to write 2 pages on it, and i would have to read it, and they have to stay in the kitchen while ive read them all, and if i don't get a good enough reason why they did what they did, they get something taken off them that they really love or they not allowed to go out with their girlfriends or friends for a whole month, and this hurts them big time, so now they don't really bicker that much as they've done this too many times and have learnt by their mistakes etc.
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Re: Pre-teen monsters
good advice cazza................
when you all sit down for a meal ,, make the rules that if you cant say anything nice to eachother then they will have to keep their mouths zipped .
you could still do a chart for good behavour as in if someone says anything nasty to the other they get an x next to their name ,, and if the one thats been spoken to harshly by the other walks away without saying anything nasty back they get a tick next to their name and have it for a reward to build up to to get something they have been wanting etc,,, have a chat about this system to them both before hand if you choose to do something like this ,,,and what rewards for possitive behavour they can get rewards for etc,,
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Re: Pre-teen monsters
Thats no good at all,... But sisters and brothers do bicker... But what i would do is say to them that they need to show each other with more respect..... they need to be told that name calling isnt nice, and when they call each other names, that it is hurtful, and disprectful.... Sit them down and have a friendly chat and ask them in a civil manner how does each one feel when one calls them names.. i always say to my 3, that you need to treat each other the same way you want to be treated,....
Try to take away a favourite toy or actiivity works at times, and losing priviliges is a another way.....
They need to know that name calling isnt acceptable, and be told that their behaviour is looked upon by their younger sibling, and that their influence isnt looking prettty,,,,
Good luck, and hope that you will get more responses and be able to nip this in the bud..
take care
love cazza
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Lisa
