You and your wife know your son better than anyone so if you are noticing changes in his behaviour then its likely he needs support. My son was almost 3 when I left my husband and seemed to cope for almost a year then got angry. I ended up taking him to sandtray (sandplay?) therapy to deal with his post traumatic stress disorder from our car accident and from my marriage breakup. I was amazed what came out .. he was confused and angry about all these big changes happening in his life. The counsellor told me that we as parents needed to sit down together and tell our son why we weren;t together anymore and ensure that he knew it was not his fault. it took 3 sessions but it worked. I hope you find something that works for you. Perhaps start by talking to your wife and then maybe to your son to gether?

Lots of hugs and kisses for your boy he needs reassurance. You also need to reaffirm that he is a good boy and that grown up people make their own decisions.

Your question about mum knowing yes she needs to know and you both need to be loving and reassuring with him, no arguments infornt of him and none that he can hear. Being civil to each otehr is the first step to working out your issues.

Secondly discuss the things that drew you together, rekindle those feelings and I thoroughly recommend reading The Five Love Languages.

If you choose to work things out them effort must be made on both sides for it to be successful and if you choose not to work things out then priority must be made in establishing a positive relationship between you both so that your son doesnt suffer.

Best wishes.

I think your wife, needs to know, what her son is going through and you shouldn't  feel your  making her feel guilty, she is his mother. I know all this is is hard on you...but it is always the children who suffer the most.....it also sounds like your doing a great job with him. 

When you say that he keeps telling you that he loves you and he is being good....sounds to me like, he is very scared that you might leave him also.   Just keep doing what your doing, reasuring him, that your not going anywhere, plenty of love & effection.

Cheers Janice

Hi,

I was a divorced mother of 3 boys and their father never came to see them.  It's always hard on the kids.  The most important thing is to make sure that you let him know that you and his mother think he is a smart, good, wonderful boy and you love him very much. This needs to be said on a constant basis.  The sadness, insecurity and loss that he is feeling is very hard for a child to understand.  My boys would cry and break down too.  I just made sure I gave them love, affection and lots of attention. You sound like you're doing a great job, just keep it up!  If kids know that they are loved, they can get through anything.  

Here's some Minti advice on the subject that might help a bit, depending on your exact circumstances.

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Hope something in here helps.

Coming from a divoreced family....You should talk to your wife about it.  When you talk to her, don't think of it as a guilt trip thing, you want her to know because he is upset, and I know she will want to work with you to let him know that it's not his fault.  Think about how you want to tell him and when you do it someplace public, like a park or something.  Set up for you two to take him to the park together and tell her that you just want to give her and update on how he is doing.  Being in a public place helps to set the tone of calm and cool.  If you try to talk about it at the house, emotions can go whild, as no one is there to sort of make you control them.  And tell her from the start is that your goal is to try and find out why he is acting like this.  Having both of you together talking to him wil  show him that you both care about him and no matter where mommy and daddy live, you both love him and want the best for him, emotionally, physically.  When you tell her, start off with what you notice has changed, don't say what you think the reason is.  Then ask her why she thinks he is acting like this, after, then you can tell her why you think it is and then ask her what she thinks you both can do to help him.  good Luck I know it's never easy in this situation. 

I think the best thing to do is to reassure him and give him so me time to heal...

As long as you and his mom are able to give him stable homes and are able to get along and he is getting the same message from both of you (he is loved and everything will be ok)...I think he will be just fine.

Having not been in a situation like this before - but witnessing one, all i can say its only natural for your son to feel the way he does. Why? Because whilst he is a knowledgeable little boy, he is not truly old enough to understand why you and his mummy separated, so to him its his fault.
I think that so long as you keep reassuring him that both you and his mother love him very much and that the separation isn't his fault then all will be fine.
I do think the mum should be informed of his feelings so that she too, can reassure him. Just let her know it's not a guilt trip of any form, just that your son needs the reassurance.
I hope things improve for you all soon and that the love is rekindled!
Cheers

Hi,

Your son's tears broke my heart so much. I agree with the others recommandations. Your son is your priority therfore I would talk to her mother. You have to solve this together. Meanwhile you should talk to your son and show him that you still love him he'll understand. and please give him a big hug from me

Good luck

Seb

Not much i can add :) so I will back up the previous statements, reassure him :) talk to your wife about it! She might also be too scared to talk for the same reasons you are, if you need to ask her for advice (while she may not have been in this situation before asking her advice should hopefully take away any doubt as to your motives!).
Deb

I should be making dinner, however your little boy is breaking my heart... .

You will need to constantly reassure him, and tell him over and over all the time how good he is, and how much you love him. 

Don't worry about putting a guilt trip on your wife - you guys are in a 3 way partnership regardless of your marital status.  It is the main role of both of you senior partners to ensure that the care, health and happiness of the junior partner are your priority at all times.

Talk to her and work out a strategy for ongoing maintenance of his ego, and ways to make him continue to feel loved and secure with both of you.  Sit down together and tell him that regardless of what goes on between you, you will always love him, he is the best behaved most wonderful boy in the world, and you are the luckiest mum and dad in the world.  Get some stickers printed out that say it if you have to, and stick them everywhere - say it 100 times a day! 

Making him happy will make you feel better too matey, and you could do with some cheering up.

Hi there, sorry to hear about your circumstances.  I grew up in a broken family and I don't remember blaming myself for the demise of my parents relationship.  I think you may need to sit him down and have a big chat with him, make him feel secure that he still has both your and your wifes love.

I think it would be hard for a child to have someone there all the time and the all of a sudden they are not.  But it also depends on your situation, whether the seperation is a grwoing different ways, cheating, space as you said, the whole myriad of adult relationship issues. 

I thought I saw a great article here on Minti regarding seperation and children.  Try the articles and I will look too and see if I can find the link for you.