All is getting better for my daughter and she seems to have found her soul mate.

I am pleased that he is around her age and has ambitions in life.

Between the 2 of them they earn about $220K/year so they will either set themselves up or burn themselves out...I just hope they don't take too long to decide.

We even met him 2 days after they 1st met and he appears to have accepted our family and our quirky ways. They have moved in together and have been going out now for 4 months and they are BOTH starting to find out what life is all about...the good and the bad.

We don't see much of her anymore but she calls us every day.

Well, I am more than satisfied once again with the excellent feedback from fellow parents.

Of course I have taken and will take more advice but because we are all different I felt indifferent to some as others will no doubt feel indifferent to some/all the things I have to say.

The relationship lasted just 5 days...all back to that trust issue again...girl meets boy, girl and boy not matched and they both get on with their lives...NOT

I still did not meet him and I understand why my daughter didn't bring him home.

He told her she was fat (so now she is leaning towards bulimia) and was not interested in the fun things my daughter wanted to do. Even after just a short time together he was telling her what to wear and if she wanted to see him it had to be when he had time.

He was supposed to be posted here for two years but I have since found out that he was here on holidays whilst waiting to be posted oversees and that it was about 99% certain that he would not be retuning to West Oz. He even set himself up in a $1000/week apartment (that he said was costing him just $100/week and the army was paying the balance. I never heard of the forces paying out like that ever.  right by the beach, cafe strip, bars, clubs, cinema and so on...all sounds too conveinient to me.

I dont think I need go on much more but I am glad that my intuition kicked in and I will trust it more often. I just wish that I could warn other parents that guys like this are out there that are basically preying on young girls/women to use them like pawns (soldiers if you wish) to get what they want whilst hurting anyone along the way.

Please let me know what you think and is there anything I can do to help my now more messed up daughter.

Regards

Rob

My mother's philosophy was you can make the same mistake regardless of whether you were 16 or 60, love knows no boundaries.

I was a child bride, my sister was even younger when she married and both of use will admit it was to escape home - a long and dreaful story.

When my children cam along I gave them unconditional love and trust, I guided and stood by their decisions the good and the bad. I believe that a sound upbringing, (guidance, problem solving skills, loveand a sense of morality etc) and solid support stands the test of time.

Your little girl has gown up, you are working on coming to terms with her man and she will see that you are making the effort but it takes time we cant choose our childrens partners and love's or lovers all we can do is be supportive and there if and when the proverbial hits the fan. There is an 8 year gap between my daughter and her hubby, there is the same gap between my son and his partner her being the older one my son is 22, they now have a son... its not easy sometimes but the kids know they can come home for respite, a hug and a good meal, they can let steam off rant and rave have a hug and no matter what they decide they know I am supporting them. My youngest who had a partner her own age ended up ringing me to take her to the hospital with a suspected broken nose....the reason I have thrown that in is because being the same or similar age doesnt make you OK...my advice get to know this man who has captivated your daughters heart, he may be quite a nice young man who just didnt find the right lady until now.

Best wishes.

Thanks for the feedback guys,   Sounds like things have progressed a bit further in your case and I hope things work out.   Our daughter is talking to us and she knows where I stand on the matter but she also knows that I am trying to deal with the situation the best way I can.   She has met him about 4 times now out of 6 days and he says he intends to cover his entire body with tatts which I dont think she is keen on and he is not interested in the same things as her. She also said that he talks about himself alot and is a bit of a been there done that sort of bloke.   She is also worried about the fact that he is not keen to me us as he feels awkward.   Thankfully though she is a good girl and takes things slowly...I mean she whants friendship before sex and expects her partner/s to get a blood test before she commits further.   But she is getting bored with him already and is talking about a different guy the same age as her...he seems like a bit of a loser but I can deal with that...I would love for her and her partner to experience things together instead of going out with someone that has explored the limits of fun already.   Wow...we must really love our kids.   So, I am trying to remain calm and have my fingers crossed but she knows we will be there whenever needed.   I am waiting for a bit of a background check but my daughter thinks this is a good idea as I talked about it to her and she gave her permission to try and find out more.   She will do what is right for her in the end and I just have to trust that it will all work out.   Kindest Regards   Robert

Be supportive of your daughter and be happy for her!
IF she is happy and he is treating her well, shouldn't that be all that matters!?
Age is just a number and when people live by numbers well - you do the sums! they end up unhappy because they always think of "what could've been".
My partner is 25 yrs my senior and i started dating him when i was 18....he is 45 i am now 20.
Rather than be judgmental, just get to know the guy, for as everyone else says, just because he looks rough, it doesnt mean he is! It's quite rude for one to judge a book by its cover, for its not the outside that counts, its the inner beauty that counts!
Hope you take all the advice that everyone has given you as its been great advice.
Good Luck.

Hey Rob!

I'm in the military, and 80% of us have no posessions and are covered in tattoos! lol.
I know it must be scarey for your daughter to be dating someone who is probably not the kind of guy that you pictured her dating, but my advise to you is to talk to the guy. invite him over for beers and bbq. You'll probably find that he's a really good guy underneath the scary exterior.
The age difference could be a good thing. 19 year old guys are alot more trouble than most 29 year old ones. Maybe she's attracted to the fact that he's more mature, and not only concerned with cars, girls, and having a good time with his friends.

Hi Rob

1st i just want to put your mind at rest! Not ALL Army guys are bad news! Men in the defence forces seem to have a bad reputation wether or not they are good people and i dont understand that? My hubby to be has been in the army for 4 years and he also has tattoos, that doesnt make him a bad person, he is a wonderful & loving guy and a fantastic father to our beautiful son.

Have you actually spoken to this man?

It's possible that he is a very nice person, just because he has very minimal possessions doesnt mean anything, im sure all of his possessions aren't carted around with him to each posting.

So that shouldnt be the big concern for you.

The fact that he is 10 years older is a little bit of a worry but as "ravenheart" said, girls usually go for older men as they are more mature.

I can understand that she is your baby girl and as her dad its your job to protect her and she is a very lucky  to have you looking out for her.

Your daughter obviously likes this man, and for this to be the case  there has to be some good in him right?

Be there for her and make the effort to get to know him, i'm sure it would mean alot to your daughter and may just put your mind at rest if you know a bit about him.

Give him a chance.....................................

Good luck

 

i can understand you worrying, but why dont you try and get to know this guy first. just because he has tattoos and looks rough doesnt mean he is bad. my husband is heavily tattooed and is a wonderful father and husband. it will benifit you and your daughter in the long run if you just except this as you will push her away if you put up too much of o fuss. at least if you get to know him you can see for yourself what kind of man he is, and you never know you might really like him. it doesnt matter what age he is, girls do like older guys. it could be worse, she could be with a guy her own age who is still experimenting with drugs, or running around with his mates picking up other girls. my first boyfriend was awful to me and he was in his late teens when we met. he was immature and i just wanted something more meaningful, maybe your daughter feels the same. please dont stress out too much, im sure if this thing gets serious you will get to know all about him and meet his family. it probably isnt very nice for him not having any family around.

Hi Rob,

Unfortunatley 19 year old girls prefer usually prefer older men because guys that are between 19 - 24 are very immature (usually). Its normal for her to look towards someone older. If you try to tell her not to see him she will most likly do the opposite and run into his arms so its best that you just be supportive and be there for her.

We all want that perfect guy for our daughters, someone with a family we can look upon to see maybe what he will be like in the future. What your feeling is comletely normal and she is lucky to have such a caring dad.

I would suggest you sit down and talk to her about it, it the most friendly calm way possible and just let her know if she ever needs to talk to you or need your help that your going to be there.

Good luck and try to stay positive. Trust your daughers instincts, and if there wrong dont rub it in to her just be there for her.

xoxox

angie