There must be some provocation.  With too little a detail, cannot give concrete advice.  But one advice I have: Instead of asking what is he doing to keep me happy and be loved, ask What AM I doing to keep him happy and loved?  When you do that and behave maybe he will change.

You know, some men think they own there partners and can treat them the way they like.  Especially when they are vulnerable, like after having a baby.  I would hate to see you breakup, after all it is your babies father.  I would suggest some outside help first - you know like a therapist - after that if all else failed and he does not have an underlying problem that can be solved, I would leave. 

You are better than that and nobody should be made to feel like that by there partner.

I would piss him off and tell him to go get his other women.He is most likely talking crap and trying to get at you.Sounds very childish and he should have more respect for his wife and not put you down in anyway.

add water to all his favourite appliances, then find a nice naganata do decorate his bonnet and some new pink paint for his car!!!! no??.......ok......seriously, counciling for him to sort out his insecurities and for you to gain your cofidence back so you dont have to be the victum of this abuse. give it your all so you can still say you tried you absolute best and if that dosent work then leave.

I agree with the others here, this is abuse and no person deserves abuse. You don't say how long you have been married,  whether or not there are children and if your husband has been this way for a short or long time.????

I don't know if you still have feelings for your husband but if you want to save your marriage.....you & your husband need to sit down and have a serious talk and if you both agree maybe a marriage guidance counselor, could help.

If this isn't the way you want to go.....you deserve better and life is to short to be miserable and maybe it is time to call it quits.

I wish you the best of luck, which ever way you go.

Hugs Janice

It is time for a marriage counselor. Marriage is hard work, and it's even harder if the other threatens to leave. It is a way too control you. "If you don't do ____, then I will leave you."  Not a good thing in a marriage.

Ohhh good one. Seems like your hubby has entered the world of EGO-ville. Hard to give advice when I'm not sure of a few things:

1. how long have you been marrried to him?
2. How long has been this way...talking that type of smack to you?

All I can say is if this is the 1st time he's ever talked to you that way....you need to sit his @$$ down and figure out what the hell is going on.

If he's always been this way and you've put up with it...and you want to keep putting up with it, then you'll have to let him do what he wants (not my personal suggestion, but just being realistic) and put up with it for the rest of your life as many women unfortunately have.

If he's always been this way and you are tired of this crap then wipe your eyes so you can see clearly cause here I go:

In my opinion, no woman ever deserves to be threatened by a man, period. There is no reason for you to ever put up with that type of behavior. He says what he says because he likes to have power and loves to make you feel inferior.

The more you allow that type of behavior, little by little he will chip away at your soul and you'll be left with nothing...believe me...I've seen it happen...and it's a VERY sad ending - so you have to start loving yourself a little bit more NOW onwards. YOU are the priority in your life, not him. He is just an added bonus to your life, that is - if he's a good man. This life is about no one else but you,  my friend, so you better start looking at yourself differently if you haven't already done so. That is the only way you will survive internally (emotionally and mentally).

Should you leave him? I can't say..I don't know your history with him, but I will say that if you don't stop that disrespectful mannerism he gloats over your fragile heart then you will never escape that dungeon you're currently in, princess.

He vowed to love you...you two are married and you have probably stuck to your part in marriage I assume...so I understand the hang ups you could feel. BUT you also have ONE life that you are aware of ...so you HAVE to make the best of it everyday...so one day when your Maker decides your life's contract is up, you will never have to look back and feel regret that you didn't do the best for your health and, I assume, children??

If you want some female strength sent to you from the U.S. feel free to privately e-mail me....I'm already rolling my sleeves up for you. Enough is enough....and I believe you can get through this.

When i am having trouble with our relationship it always helps me by thinking what would i do if this was my best friend and her husband was doing this to her, what advice would i give , what action would i advise her to take. Sometimes by removing your emotion from the situation and thinking with your head you will know what the right action is to take. Many people who emotionally abuse their partner have low self esteen partners and are looking to control you and your emotions to make them feel better and are looking for you to fight or argue back as they know most of the time they wil leave feeling empowered and you will be sad and upset and it makes them feel in control of you. Sometimes the best way to shock this type of persnality into realising what they are doing is not to react at all but when they least expect it or when they are out get control of your life back and move on. there are so many wonderful people who can help you and if he really is worthy of your love he will soon realise what he has done, but don't let him back in your life until he has sort some counselling of his own and dealt with why he is treating you this way. You deserve better and keep telling yourself this and if he wants your love he has to earn it .

Minti mail if you need a chat. Polly

You know hun, love is mutual care and respect, if that is not preasent, then true love is not there. We all deserve respect, understanding and care from a partner, if that is not forthcoming then it is not a loving and nurturing partnership. If I was you, I would be looking to start loving myself and showing him the door. We can all make excuses for abusing others, but the reality is there is no excuse ever for doing it and no need ever to put up with it. You deserve to live in freedom from fear and abuse. Please go before this escalates, as it will and that is a fact. There are many lovely people on Minti who will testify to that. Go hun, you are worth so much more and deserve true love not control.

Luv,Winnie.xxxx

leave  him love,, if it was me i would say go and rock then,, even if i loved him id never put up with that ,,you deserve better in life xxxxshar

unless you have one of those realtionships where you do that sort of thing i would seriousely consider leaving as i personaly believe that is wrong and is abuse.

i agree with the other minti mums tell to go and spend the night with them and when he comes back you wont be there.you deserve better than that.

love stace

I would ask for his house keys and tell him to go get some elsewhere and not let him back in. That is not ok and you shouldn't put up with it.

Once abusers have your self confidence to nothing they usually start hitting and controlling. Get out now!

Emotional and Mental abuse are only a step away from Physical abuse.   Time to split and let him live his miserable life.  Not easy, but you will be happier and safer in the long run.  If you have kids, then it is even more important for you do end it now.  If they grow up seeing or being treated the same way, they will suffer for life and pass it on to the next generation.

Have courage, and do it!

What a '' Prick''...  i be booting him out the door if nothing you have tried has worked....

If you need someone to chat too, please minti mail me...

xxx cazza

Tell him to go find one and don't come back!

Youdon't need to put up with that.

I agree with all the answers here. Things probably won't get better, you need to leave even if its only for a while to have a think about the future of your relationship. He has no right to be doing this to you, its downright nasty and he sounds very immature to me.

What a terrible situation to be in. What he is doing to you is abuse and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I would say, depending on what your relationship is like in all area's that are not sexual, then maybe write down a list of all the things that he says that hurt you, show him and have a really good talk and hopefully you can work thru the negativity together. However, if this is happening all the time and he is comparing you to other woman in general, and in all area's of your relationship, then i would suggese some marriage councelling.

I once went out with a guy who would say the exact same things to me, he did it to try to control me. If i feared loosing him, then i wouldn't "do anything wrong" It did work for about a year, but i realised that i was living in fear of something much worse than loosing him - being myself.

Hope you and your husband can work thru this together. xox

Sorry sweetie but I would kick his no good butt out the door. Everyone deserves to be loved & sorry but it doesn't sound like he cares about your feelings at all.

Take care,

Dee

Seriously consider whether he is worth the pain, and then probably leave for at least a little while (sorry to be so blunt, but you are way more valueable then to be treated like that).