ignore and avoid her as much as posible. all that matters is your husband and your children. i've been there, my husband ended up cutting his sister off completly, and now we sleep alot better at night and so will you. remember, if she dont pay the bills, who cares what she says!

perhaps a 'playdate' for the two of you to catch up. direct is always best, forget the inbetween person who is passing on info.   mind reading will get you no where fast, except upset

Hun, this sounds very much like jealousy on the part of the sil.  i feel she is admiring your skiils, wishing she had them, but instead of being nice and asking for help, her ego is making her behave negatively.

As to approaching it?  I'm not really sure, haven't got that problem yet, but I had a friend like that. In the end, I just told her that I wouldn't play her games anymore and that we couldn't be friends.  She is still 'stalking' me10 years on.

Hi there,yes I would make sure you are being given the correct information as the other person that told you this could be jealous of the relationship you and ur sil have and just want to cause trouble.Before i approach her about this i would make sure you are right.If you ignore it you may end up exploding one day and make the situation much worse then it is,maybe you could also make a comment about your husbands parents oneday and find out what her reaction would be .if she then starts putting them down you then know that it was possible true.Maybe not the best way of finding out but possible see a different side to sil.

                                                                Cham

i think you have two choices.  ask her gently in an openhearted way if everything is okay between you.  if she asks why, tell her you've caught wind of some of the rumors flying around and just wanted things to be out in the open so your relationship can remain positive.  if you don't think she can take such an open view, then i would try to stay out of the flow of information.  don't listen to hearsay and ask the information-suppliers to cut you out of the loop. 

I have a similar situation with my SIL.  Everyone one, including my hubby says that it's cause she is feeling jelous of me.  For various reasons, which I don't see why she should be.  I always say I'm the one that is jelous, but I don't let it run my life, like she lets it.  Unfortunately it may be one of those things where the less you interact with her the better you will be.  If you don't see each other, then she has to room to talk.  I know it's hard and it's at times very upsetting, been there done that.  But also, then you won't be constantly thinking about her and what she might way, harder then it seems, and all in all you will be much happier.  I you wanna talk feel free to mintimail me....Good luck and I hope things can be sorted out.

Hi, I am sorry to hear that your inlaw is not treating you nicely and knowing that she is being two faced can be difficult to take.  However, no one controls how you feel, only you have that control so you can either let her get to you and be upset or you can choose to not let it affect you.  Easier said than done I know but by you giving her the power in controlling your emotions , means she wins.

I also agree with the other lady that responded make sure the info you are getting is correct and not hearsay.

If you find out that it actually has been happening and it is really bothering you, i would approach her.  You say that you don't want to confront her for the sake of the family however, you can approach her in a non-threatening manner, one that is calm and with a tone of genuine concern.  There is no need to be aggressive otherwise you are scooping down to her level.

People who tend to backstab, put others down etc are very insecure people themselves and the only way to make themselves feel better is to belittle, backstab etc other people. She is the one with the problem not you.  

I hope that the two of you can sort out this problem.

Tania  

First how did you find out that she is bad mouthing you???? Can you trust the source or could it just be hearsay??? I would ignore it and be extra friendly to her, if she has been bad mouthing you then she may feel guilty about it and stop and until she does confront you about your parenting skills I would let it go over your head, I understand that it may be frustrating and wounding to hear someone may be talking about you and your abilities as a parent but act like it doesn't worry you then you are the bigger person and she will come across as jealous and childish and eventually people will see that.