I have this with my Mil and its hard as mick is a mummys boy.. But now that my mil lives with my sil i see her at school and sometimes at my sil..

What u need to do is do what i did with my mil and hubby and stand up to them and say enough is enough and ava is your responsibilty, so if any thing to happen to her, who they going to point the finger at,,

its nice to have the family support as many dont have that, but your mil and your hubby need to respect your wishes as well....

Hope it all works out for you all...

xxx cazzza

Having the inlaws so close means that they are going to want to come around as much as they can.  You need to put in place some 'house rules' and make sure everyone, hubby, inlaws and Ava stick to them.  If the inlaws break them, you tell them to leave and that you will let them know when they can come back.

Have these rules written up where they can be clearly seen and cannot be disputed.  To make it fair, you will have to ensure that all guests abide by these rules or you could be seen to be playing favourites.

Learning to say NO and sticking to your word is going to be important too.  If they turn up and you really aren't in the mood to have them there, tell them NO and that they need to call first to make sure that you are ok with them coming over.

It sounds like you have an open door policy with them.  Not any more!  They need to fit around you and your routine and your needs.

Your hubby needs a reality check.  He needs to understand that undermining your wishes is going to harm both your child and your relationship.  Sorry, but it will, seen it before and is not pretty.

Keep being firm with your daughter and sending her to her room when she is naughty.  If she says you are mean, then try to ignore it or say that you are doing what is best for her.  A mother always knows what is going to work with their child the best.  Have a cry about it, but not so that she can see or hear.  Or you could let her see you cry.  It might make her upset and want to know what is wrong and then you can tell her.

Everyone must be getting sick of me doing this by now, but minti mail RadicalB (my hubby) he is psychology preped and ready for any questions you can throw at him.  Helps him to feel valid in the Minti community too! lol.

Ok, you have a choice....

Have a bit of backbone with MIL, if she doesn't follow Mother's wishes she is in the Wrong!

If she doesn't respect your wishes, find an alternative place to be, like a childrens group for socialization with typical peers, like the local park, or library.

Pre-school as well is a wonderful addition to a child's world and your sanity...sounds like you have a little girl who's got Mama, Grandma, and Pop all rapped around her little finger!

i haven't seen my inlaws since we moved back to SA from Melbourne, and it doesn't bother me one little bit, as they weren't interested in my kids much, but interested in other peoples kids and spent alot of money on them, and nothing for our children

Hello, I think there are two issues you are facing 1) Visiting inlaws driving you crazy 2) the inlaw treatment of your daughter.

In relation to number 2, there need to be boundaries set regardless of who is in the house or who is looking after your daughter.  My parents (well only my dad now) have a lot to do with our daughter, he has her overnight at least once per fortnight and often he will pick her up from daycare, my mother in law cares for our daughter every Tuesday.  In the beginning it was difficult, there seemed to be differing rules between the houses and Mia would get confused and seem to favour one over the other.  It took for me and her dad to sit down with the grandparents and let them know the effect they are having on her.  Sometimes I dont think they realise.

We came to a happy medium that when she was with the grandparents for shorter periods of time eg an afternoon or morning then they could spoil her or do whatever they think is appropriate with 2 exceptions.  Bedtime and discipline rules had to be the same across the board.

It took a little while but both sets of grandparents came to our way of thinking once we pointed out the effect they were having.  Our daughter is now 4 yrs of age and she knows that what rules are in place at one house are in place for all houses.

As for issue no 1, only you can determine if your inlaws are visiting too much and not giving  you enough space.  It would be no different if you had friends visiting every day.  It wont be easy and you may upset them but soulds like you need to sit them down for a chat.  If this is too hard I would suggest a letter that way you can put it all down in the words with which you would like to say them.

Good luck.

Don't know whether you want to hear this or not but...my mother in law when she was alive we saw probably once or twice every 6 months usually for a weekend. 1 week at Christmas, and the easter holiday as well.

My parents, I try to see them as least as possible, but at least once a fortnight, otherwise mum is ringing asking where we are or popping over. Mum will look after the kids if we have things on, or she will take them out once a month if we have been busy and not seen them.

Even tho we don't see them that often, there is still the same situation as you have, with taking over etc. Connor was 'sick' yesterday, and as I was interstate and couldn't force him to go to school, he went to grandmas. There he was spoilt rotten and has decided that every time he is sick he will go there cause he had so much fun.

So in all my ramblings, I think it would probably be a good idea to cut the visits back to once a week/fortnight (after all you have your own kids to look after), lay down the law esp the wine, however if the visits are less frequent a lot of it shoudn't bother you any more as much.

Then when Ava throws her little tanties, just tell her that NO she isn't going to go to grandmas. Also if she throws them at your MIL's then take her by the arm, deal with it your way, and say as I said to my BIL, MY CHILD, MY RULES! I WILL DEAL WITH IT!

hi there i am in the same situation as u are i see my inlaws 5days a week and it drives me nuts as well so i know how u feel and they only live down the road from me they spoil my daughter lots as well. what i do when i don't want anyone to come around is i lock the doors and stay quiet an if ur daughter asks to go to her grnadmas all the time just tell her grandma has gone out if that not work tell her grandma is sick.

hope this helps.