Yes.  It does change and I can entirely relate to what you are saying - we go through times like that too.  Sometimes it feels like we are strangers living together - and yet we both have teh commitment to make it work, so we stick with it.  We have been married 12 years and have 2 children - children have both brought us closer together and increased our love and at times make a relationship harder to work. 

You can't be impromptu and just take time out without a lot of plannning.  I have 2 very demanding and touchy-feely children, so I feel all 'touched' out come bed-time.  Mums give a lot all day and sometimes don't have anything left to give when hubby comes home.  The key is to recognising it and making time for each other, making the effort and being honest and understanding when you can't.  THat could be time alone, or often when that is not possible we try and make a fun family outing - often the fun takes our minds off whatever may be causing the arguments.

There was an article I saw recently about teh rate of divorce amongst young families - and it is high, but many of the couples surveyed said afterwards that they wish they had stuck with it.  So often the pressures are just from having young children and will change as your children get older, so if you can stay connected and make a commitment to make it work you can see it through the otehr side and face a different set of challenges.

Hi,I 'm afraid kids do change your relationship. I was with the father of my children for nearly 7 years before I got pregnant. Our relationship wasn't fantastic,we had ups and downs like anybody. But,after our twins were born there were definately more downs. I think to become a mother and to share your love with your partner is difficult when you have a small child/children to take care of. A womans life takes on new meaning when she gives birth and whereas the partner had your undivided attention,he now has to share you.I always said to their dad that my life had changed so much that I didn't even recognise it,whereas I don't think a mans changes much at all.

Have you had time together on your own to have fun without your baby? Do you still go 'on dates'. Do you talk constant 'baby talk' .

I did do these things like having time on our own etc and I made a real effort where he never. He said that the kids where my responsibility  and he just carried on like he always did.

Unfortunately in the end we did split up. I think he was not mature enough to accept the responsibility if kids and therefore when we did try to talk he wasn't really botherd. I hope it isn't like that in your case and hope you can work it out. But I'm not a big believer in staying together just for the kids sake. Give your relationship enough time to 'recover' your baby is only one year old,the first year is definately the hardest. Good luck

you need to have time together when bub is asleep, don't just turn the tv on or do things seperatly, make nice dinners to have together with just the two of you (one night a week feed bub seperatly... you'd be amazed about the conversations that happen over dinner if little ears are not present if you catch my meaning LOL), find a hobby you can do together. my partner and i study martial arts right in our own back yard when our two kids are asleep, we also draw anime together (strange i know but it works for us). i have a friend who does scrapbooking with her husband whilst her daughter is asleep, play games together poker, chess whatever tickles your fancy. it is a bit more of an effort to stay up but all you need to do is be creative with what you have and the time you have. it will save alot of arguing ::) hope this helps, cheers from becca!

Obviously when you have a baby, there has to be some change in the relationship.  I'm just lucky enough that mine was super strong from the start and has only gotten stronger with time.  I also know that not everyone is lucky enough to have what I have.

Maybe you need to look back over your relationship before the baby came along and see if there were problems back then that may have been 'forgotten' by the arrival of a baby.  I really don't think the 'strength' was there enough to begin with and that you need to work through those issues.

My partner RadicalB might be able to help you some more.  Just minti mail him.

i think its very important to take time out for yourselves. Date nights, movie nights or even just a romantic dinner at home etc... you can do alot of things at home when bubby goes to bed if your unable to get a babysitter to go out.

Its easy to get caught up in being parents & forget that you are in a relationship aswell.

It is normal for intimacy to take a backseat when a baby is born, so in order to cope, it is important to connect in other ways: short massage, watch a movie together in the livingroom, get a babysitter and have a date night every once in a while, write to each other (since there may not be time to really talk).

It took my husband and I a long time to get adjusted when we had our first. And like I mentioned, we found other ways to connect. Now we have 9 month old twins and our first is now 3 years old, life is busy and there is barely time to kiss each other hi and goodbye when my husband goes to work. The most we do now is to have short conversations when all the kids are asleep.

Relationship will change after kids, and it takes work to stay connected. I hope you and your partner find other ways to connect. Perhaps you can find a babysitter and go away for the whole day, or even overnight to get things kick started.

I believe that every relationship changes when a baby comes. Your whole world gets turned upside down. Where you used to only ever have to worry about yourself, you now have this little person who relies on you for everything, and some times you can forget that your partner may need a little bit of attention too.

Maybe you could get your parents or your partners parents to look after bub for a weekend and take a break together. Have a Mummy and Daddy time out for a couple of days and just be Husband and Wife. Go out for dinner, a movie, go home and have a bath together. Or maybe go and do something that you enjoyed doing together before bub came along.

If a weekend away isnt possible, maybe just try setting aside an hour a night just for the 2 of you.

I hope this helps and you can work out your relationship problems together!

Arguing, do you both need to be right? Are each mind so focused on being heard that neither mind does active listening?

Silence, really hear, without forming your next verbage, then you both can 'discuss issues'? and negociate a common aggreement??

Does baby go to bed early(does he help with bathtime/reading/putting to bed?) on a schedule so the two of you have couple of  hours together 'alone' for adult time?  Do you make special time for the two of you at least once a month? 

You need romance intimacy, an hour or two of focued attention helping around house etc will bring appreciation, He needs sex, period....lol. 

Find humor and all will come back in order, let him be in his 'cave' for a bit when arriving home, and tell him what specifically you need, he can't and doesn't have the ability to read your mind as much as you'd like him to

hello,I feel all realtionships change after a baby ,especially with our partners.But it working through them and not giving up you just have to try a little harder and your heart may not go flutter when he walks into a room.I have been married for 16 yrs and with my partner for 18 yrs so I was quite young when I married and had children.We have deffinaetly had our moments,with me suffering depression too,but through all these times we have never given up and stopped loving.Why do you not have sex,is it that you are too tired ,does your husband want sex,who does not feel like it?.

Could you get somebody to baby sit once a week or once a f/night so you and your husband can have special time together,and rediscover each other.Once the spark has ben rekindled the rest may just fall into place.What made you fall inlove with your husband ,are you still attracted to him.Do you just lie in bed at night and just cuddle with no expectations,I love a good cuddle and sometimes get me in the mood.The feeling of warmth and intimacy.Ok I realize I have not given you a real lot of advice but a few questions to ask yourself.But yea I would be looking for somebody to babysit to give you and your husband special mummy and daddy time.

                                                                 Cham

Relationships do change, in fact nothing stays the same.  We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary on Monday and it was the first time we had gone out withoout the children for a long long time. After 18 years I would be telling fibs if I said we have not had stormy waters to sail through and I can say our relationship is not the same as it was when we met and when we had children. The way we live our lives has a lot to do with how our relationship develops.

When we get stuck in a rut we often become emotionally blind (familiar) with our partner as so much thought is put into just getting through each day and week.  Planning time alone with each other can help and having regular time to talk to each other helps keep the communication open. (Consider yout timing when you want to have a conversation as most bloke won't want to talk relationships with 2 minutes to go in a football match.)

Ther first few times you get alone to talk you may find that your conversation is canned (shallow talk about the weather and so on) and you may feel you have grown appart and become scared. A good way around this is to ask questions and listen to your partner's replies without interupting or thinking about your perspective. You may find there is a lot of noise (self talk - like pick up the dress from the cleaner, pict a lettuce for the salad, the kids ahve swimming tonight ) in your head which you need to turn off and become a good listener.

Start dating each other again and bear in mind that things are different. Think about the things you like about each other and tell your partner.

Relationships are hard work and it needs both of you to make the effort.

I hope this helps a litlte and good luck.