I don't know why he wouldn't want you there, but I would be very wary of him taking your little man without you.  Can you meet somewhere public, or have them come to you?  Then if he wants time alone, you can give them space but are still nearby if needed.  You can keep them in sight and be in control but he can show his son off - sounds fair to me??

Hi dear Nat, just wanted to add my 2 cents worth in.....i agree with all your friends on this one......you & Tobi come as one and it has to be no other way.

I think it is unanimous, i have to ditto everything said here already!  You are still breastfeeding him right?  Use that as an excuse if you have to.

NAT!!!!!

The answer to this is NO NO NO NO, he can not take tobias unless you are there...... With tobias come you and if he doesnt want you for what ever reason  then he cant take  tobias!.......... I will personally go to tassie even though i cant afford it at the moment to make sure you dont fall under pressure its you tobias and chloe or the highway.              I know you have tried everything not to fight but this is worth fighting about not the other stuff. I would fight this one to the end. Him not being able to look after tobias is one thing but the reasoning behind him not taking you to meet his parents are another! I would be asking alot of questions why, and you know the question that i mean.  You are the bestest mummy in the world  and he shouldnt have any problems taking his son and you home to his parents bec you arent anything to be ashamed off.

Thats all im going to say right now and hope you can get through to him and make him understand why this is.....

Love you chicky Tee 

I found this site about family relations in Australian Government, hope it will give you a direction for answering your questions about family custody and visitation.http://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/

Ok Nat,

Couple of issues I can see here.  Firstly WTF?  You are Tobi's mother.  You have every right to be there when he meets his grandparents.  You need to tell him it is both of you or none of you!  I don't know if you have met his parents or not but if you have, then you should be there and if you haven't  you should be there.

Secondly, hello, Tobi is a baby.  His dad hasn't been around him enough for him to be comfortable with him caring for him.  And he probably hasn't had that much experience with babies and you don't want the first experience to be when he is alone with Tobi. 

I think you are totally in your right to say no.  I like the idea of them coming to you or if that is just too wierd, then why don't you meet someplace public for a coffee.  On neutral territory so no one feels wierded out.

If he persists, why don't you call his parents and make the arrangements yourself.

Best of luck to you lovie-Angela

Hey Nat! Well the answers here say it all - and you already know that I agree with them! There is no way you should let him take Tobi without you...or he can bring his parents to you. H cannot expect to be Tobi's dad instantly - even if a piece of paer says he is...he needs to learn how to BE a dad, care for and love a baby before you even think about letting him have Tobi away from you for a second!

Luv ya hun

Teshia xxoo

well you have some fair advice there and i agree with them all. My hub takes part in Jades life and he still freaks when she crys. Bubs need there Mums.  we dont choose that they do, even though we like it lol.  T is no reason what so ever why you cant all go. Surely his Mum remembers what it was like, so tell him to get buggered if you cant go.

Nik

not for  a heart beat would I let Tobi out of your site,

I went through this, have his parents come to you if they want to meet the baby.

A lot of legal ramifications here and some very hard decisions to be made.

1. Has he contributed financially, paid for medical, clothing, food, hospital etc during or after pregancy?

2. You mentioned he was horrible when you found out you were pregnant, has your relationship continued all the 9months with his supporting  you emotionally, financially, and physically?

3. Google Child Custody Laws for your town/state.  As of now, you have had sole responsibility for t he baby 24/7.  If he takes the baby, and you have no legal papers saying you have sole custody, he can keep baby, take baby where ever he wants, until you have that piece of paper, for sole custody, with financial and visitations set in place, don't let tobi out of your site.

Hi Nat

I'm with everyone else here. I STILL have problems leaving Austin with anyone for more than half an hour and he is 7 months old!! I get that he wants to take an active roll in Tobi's life, but what if something were to happen? Is there any reason why he is behaving like this? It's not like you guys are together so it isn't like you are on trial as the new girlfriend.

I think you should explain to him that you are happy for him to spend any time with Tobi that he wants, but you will always be there with him until YOU are confidant that Tobi will be looked after to your satisfaction.

As the saying goes - Anyone can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a Daddy.

I would be thinking a piece of paper saying they share DNA does not make him a DAD !!!! he has to earn that title and if he alienates you and won't work together with you, then he has not got Tobi's best interests at heart.

Its natural he wants to show his son off, but I don't see why you can't be there, unless he is going to do or say something you wouldn't approve of and that makes him even more unlikely to be thinking in Tobi's best interests.

Is there not somewhere neutral and open you could all meet, that way if it was a park or something you can be there too without it being formal.

What pleasure would there be for his parents anyway if Tobi is upset and crying looking for you !!!!!

Im with everyone else tell him no!!! id want him to see the baby regularly get used to tobi let them bond and give your self some confidance in his ability's too, before he takes him anywere.

Would it be unreasonable to ask his parents to come to you? were you and tobi feel confortable, i cant understand why he wants it on his terms you havent said they cant meet him just your worried about his welfare.

hope he sees sence for you soon hunni,  i guess no man will ever fully appreciate the bond between mum and baby

hugs jo xxx

I would tell him to get screwed.

Maybe that is super overprotective Mumma Bear coming out of me, but there is no way on god's green earth that I would be separated from my child while they went off to meet grandparents for the very first time. He's a tiny baby and it's overwhelming enough meeting new people and going to new places as a baby, let alone without the comfort and protection of mummy being close by.

Fact is, you are his mum, you will always be his mum, and sooner or later they have to meet you and get to know you and learn to play by your rules if they want to take part in your child's life.

omg, I'm getting all tense thinking about someone taking my kids to meet new people without me! I wonder who has separation anxiety!

Firstly ahh NO ... just because he put the sperm in there doesn't mean he is automatically dad. It's great that he is taking an interest but what is the problem with him letting you come? If its going to the parents then why can't you all meet somewhere nutural like a park? I would have serious problems with this as it is YOUR child too and you will have to speak to his parents eventually so why not now.

What is the reason he doesn't want you to go? This is very odd to me!