wow, i think this is a very VERY good question as it seems to have fired a few people up. Hun, my hubby is the same. I believe men still have the mother issues, where things are never as good as there mum did it, cooking cleaning etc. I am wife number two for my husband and his first wife was an absolute clean freak. He would tell me how he would find her cleaning the windows with metho at 2am if she couldnt sleep, i on the other hand only clean windows when they can no longer be seen through! and for some reason, my husband expected i would be doing things like that for him! well...... when he gets on my back about say.... dishes not being clean, i purposly neglect his washing for a week and when he runs out of clean undies then i tell him i forgot... i had to many dishes... it curtainly stopped him in his tracks.

Find out the going rate for a maid and a nanny and present your husband with a bill for each of these at the end of the week - based on how many hours you spend doing each.  I'm willing to bet it will come to more than he is earning.

Tell him that you are his wife, and that is also priceless, and marriage is a partnership and he needs to pick up his act and either look after the kids and take them out so you can do housework then have a rest, or do without you on weekends as you need days off too.

To me it sounds like hubby is the lazy one. My husband used to be like that. When my 2 older ones were little, one still a baby (and they are only 13 months apart), he was on my back about keeping the house etc etc. One day he came home and asked me what had I done all day as the place was a mess. I told him, seeing as it was his day off the next day, I was going out for the day and he could look after the kids.

I got home at about 5, nothing had been done, and my first comment as I walked in was What have you done all day? The dishes aren't washed, the washing's not done, the dinner's not on, and the house is not clean. He has never commented again.

I think that your husband needs a wakeup call. Unless there are mice and rats and cockroaches in piles of rubbish in the corners of the room, I would be telling him to get off his lazy ass and help.

my god reading this made me feel lazy as i am far from a neat freak so i clean when i see things starting to get messy but i dont have it squeaky clean!! My hubby works 6 days a week most weeks from 6-4 and he still helps out around the house whether it be doing the dishes after dinner, bathing our daughter, preparing vegies for me to put on after i fix up the kiddies, sweeping or mopping... whatever i ask him to do he never complains! He even looks after our daughter on the weekends he doesnt work so i can sleep in! Admittedly he does spend a fair bit of time on the computer too but he spends more time with the fam than on computer!

I personally think your hubby is being a chauvinistic pig and shouldn't expect you to do it all on your own...heck you might as well be a single mum if he carries on this way....because you are pretty much doing it all on your own now!
So my answer is NO you are NOT lazy.....hubby is just being completely nasty

Welcome to the world of single-parenthood. Only difference is that you don't have a partner protesting about the condition of the house.

My ex used to be like that, only he didn't work and made more mess than everyne else added together... hence why he's the ex.

When one partner works and the other stays home, the bulk of the housework should be the responsibility of the home-stayer, but not ALL of it. If he works 8 hrs a day 5 days a week, so should you. Whatever doesn't get done in that time should be shared between you.

Whether or not you are lazy is something only you can really figure out. Write down all the little jobs you do each day for a week and how long each one took you to do like its a work timesheet. If you look back and find yourself spending too much day time on the phone, watching tv, and/or on the computer, reading a book, etc; then you need to address your time management skills. Otherwise, at the end of the week, give it to your partner with a bill for your weekly salary and make him realise how unfair he is being and how much you are really worth.

Hi ,

Personaly i dont think you are in the wrong at all 2 toddler to looka after can be challenging work that nap will do u good. But i must say my partner is exasctly the same or was . You need to stress at your hunny and tell him how you feel because there is no point in a relationship if u are  not happy . Remind him having 2 toddlers is a full time job on its own i have 2 girls 1 a toddler and 1 nearly 5 and some dasys i hardly get any housework done simply becauser im too busy with the kids its not fair for you to do everything and not being allowed a break . I think men expect us to have 10 pairs of hands .

Ok 2 big things here that stand out:

1. You live in an area you don't know very well and don't have any friends or family close to you.  That is called isolation!  Been there, and now that I can go out when I want to, don't want to anymore.  Try and get involved with playgroups and other activities in your local area.
2. You have 2 toddlers!  That is like triple the work!  You need to rest up in order to be able to look after them properly!

My point is, you are not lazy.  You are alone and trying to please a man who really doesn't seem to understand what kids are like.  Does he spend any time with them?  For several years, I was isolated while my hubby worked long hours (including travel times) but he is home all the time now (his previous place of employment deserve a kick up the bum) and is the one who does most of the care of our girls and most of the house work too.  Hhhhmm, do I feel guilty?  Yeah, but I also know that this arrangement is working for all of us.

You need to find a balance.  Maybe go on strike and go and stay with your friends and family for a few days to make him see how much you do get done.

Your story sounds EXACTLY like mine!!!

Sounds like you are both doing too much.

Make sure you both know how each other feel...keep communicating.

Some blokes get complacent when they get married and forget why they love you...remind him...Reward him with something REALLY nice when he makes you happy and make him go without that REALLY nice thing when he doesn't...Just an idea.

Most blokes have a S.N.A.G inside them, it just needs coaxing out...some of us are a bit slow.

Wishing you every success.

Robert

It sounds like you and your husband are both having difficulty seeing each other's point of view.

You are exhausted and feel like you do nothing but clean and care for the kids, and you want a hand from him.

He feels like he's doing 'his job' and that you are letting the side down. He's coming home from a big day at work and wants to chill, and neglects the fact that you need to chill too.

Throw in the constant demands of two toddlers, broken sleep, the stress of being the sole income provider for a family, and two lots of feeling misunderstood and let down, then it's no wonder both of you are unhappy.

You want to talk about this and process it, he wants to pretend it's not there by going on the computer or watching TV.

I know with toddlers this is easier said than done, but try and find a time when both of you are well rested and the kids are in bed/ somewhere else. You are both dealing with the stresses in your life with a different way - try and talk through the issues together. Sometimes writing down what your concerns are about what the other person is doing and writing down what you appreciate about them can help. That way you get to say what you appreciate about each other, not just say 'I don't like it when you do this..' This means that both of you will feel that the other person appreciates you, not just saying everything you do wrong.

Feeling sad, lazy and horrible is not a good way to be. I hope you and your husband can reach a point where you can understand and support each other.

hello

i have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr olld and 20 weeks preganet . please dont ever think you are lazy . my hubby use to be the same untill i left him one day to deal with the kids for a hr and he said what amazing job i do and any parent who stays home. my 3 yr old is very engerygic and likes to run all the time so my hubby knows i am always  busy with her and my 1 yr old is just started walking so she is a hand full too .

can i ask what area you are in maybe there is some of us in your area who can become your friend

you can minti mail me

love belxxxx

Like everyone else has said, I don't think you are lazy. I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and i am cleaning all day while the 2yo is behind me pulling everything out.

All my hubby expects is for the dishes to be done, he has told me that he would rather come home to toys all around the house and the kids running riot than coming home to unhappy children.

You need to talk to your hubby and tell him how it makes you feel when you have to do everything for the kids. My hubby gets the kids up on the weekend and gives them breakfast while i have a sleep in. It gives him time to spend with the kids alone.

Hope this all helps. Good Luck. xoxox

No I don't think you are.  This is a genuine struggle for a lot of us mums of young children.  I can clean all day and it is still a disaster when DH walks in teh door.  I know he walks in and wonders what I do all day as it looks the same as when he left - and sometimes I wonder too.  My DH is a great dad, but he doesn't help out with housework - he works 13 hr days and drives 3hrs a day - but I could do with a hand every now and then, too.

If you have children that aren't good sleepers you can end up feeling like the walking dead and a nap is a sanity saver - I know as neither of mine are and if I had the chance of a nap, doubtless I would nap too.  If you are tired and crotchety then noone is happy.

That said, I think you sound like you need some momentum - to get out of teh house and make some friends.  You need things to do to give you focus and you need some fun time (don't we all!). Can i suggest you join a playgroup or mothers group?  Or take up a hobby (if you don't have anytime to yourself that can be hard)?  Or join a gym?

I know that I need adult conversation - somedays I just ring people to get it!  Dh is not home a lot and I have no family nearby, so you need to find other ways of meeting that loneliness and  need for adult input.  I know I also need some exercise and some me time, so my next goal is to set that up for myself.

I hope you don't mind anything that I've said - I'm only saying what I feel as I have been in a similar boat and you need to do something for yourself to keep you going.

can u go out for a whole day and leave the kids with him????? my hubby was like this till i got sick and almost died ( glallbladder) he now helps me clean up and cook and do stuff about the house. he atually prefers to cook and admitted a few years ago he didnt like my cooking. LOL

You're definately not lazy. Your husband is the one who's lazy. My husband is exactly the same, but he doesn't complain about the house as he likes the job i do around the house. I can't stand doing the dishes and occasionally, the dishes are left in the sink for 24 hours, and he does complain at that, and my hubby does the same as yours, and just sits on the computer, and bitches and complains about everything. If you ever need to chat, just minti mail me.

YOU ARE NOT LAZY!!!! I don't mean to yell but I just wanted to make sure you understood.  You did not concieve these kids by yourself....he needs to take responsibility for them as well.  So what if the house is a mess, you have two toddlers for goodness sake.  Would you rather clean or spend time with the kids?  I know what I would pick.

He is the lazy one and just because he works doesn't give him the right to think he can sit on his a**e in the evening and the weekends.  My husband works to but he still helps me around the house (although I do the cooking and washing up).  He has the kids on weekends when I want to get away, in fact he loves spending time with the kids as he works during the week.

You are not the one in the wrong!!!!! He is.

Michelle

NO!

You are most certainly NOT lazy! HE IS LAZY! What a prick! It makes me so mad!! I was once in this sort of relationship. Just like you I had 2 babies at home and hubby did NOTHING. He worked till 6am, would sleep till 1pm then play his PS2. One day I cracked it and threw it across the room and made him help! We split up about a year later because he just wouldn't help.

You need to stand up and say enough is enough. He helped make the kids he should help raise them. And YES that means night duties also. Doesn't matter that he works because you work too and your job doesn't have a lunch break and nights, weekends and holidays off!

As for the house he should also help out there. If he wont do what I did and stop doing his things. I stopped washing his clothes and making his lunches and cooking his dinner. He eventually got the point. It is not ok what he is doing to you and the longer you leave it the worse it will get.

All I can suggest is really putting your foot down. Also when he has holidays, make him have the kids for a WHOLE week and keep the house clean. Go interstate to visit someone or take a week holiday at your parents. I can say he will have a lot more understanding of your job (cos it is a job) after that!

Hi there,no you are not lazy sounds to me you are a little depressed tho,you have no energy and no motivation by the sounds of it.He needs to give you more support and a helping hand.sorry dont really know how to make men more helpful altho mine can be very helpful at times.you will have to have a good talk with him and expalin how you are feeling,communicatin in a relationship is a must.Maybe you could go and see your GP too and have a little chat with him/her about how you are feeling as I feel you could have a little bit of depression.good luck .

                                                             cham

oh dear, that dosn't sound good at all. i think your hubby needs to realise that if he was more plugged in and did more things with you and your kids and helped out around the house, yards ect then you would be alot happier and would be more willing and have more energy to try get more done in your day. the simple fact is that if you are feeling lonely and sad and neglected and unapreciated then you arn't going to wanna run round makeing sure your house is sparkling for when hubby gets home. some men are stuburn and have no clue, so you may have to try reverse phycolgy if he dosn't change. i read this in a book hehe so you don' t have to do it by any means but this is what i read. find something that you know your partner really likes, go out of your way to do something that he will notice and he will be grateful for and you will find it will start rubbing of, he will start doing the same for you. but if that dosn't work ditch him hope this was helpful and that i didn't affend anyone

No, you are not being lazy or horrible. Your husband is the one being lazy & horrible. Go away for a weekend (or a week would be better) so your hubby can get a taste of what it means to look after kids. Also if he keeps complaining, tell him straight - if you don't like it, do it yourself! Men! They think looking after kids & a house is so easy - until they have to do it!

Dr Phil had a husband wife team on one day with your sort of problem.  He sent the wife to a day spa and left the husband at home with the kids.  Needless to say, the husband had a new found respect for the wife and all that she did.  I would try to discuss it starting with comments only about you like "I feel like I am cleaning all the time and am tired because I get broken sleep each night." 

I have to say, my husband is really wonderful most of the time, and respects the work I put in.  It really does get easier, but if you are really struggling and don't get anywhere with hubby, maybe you could try day care one day a week or two part days, so that at least you get some time to catch up on sleep, clean, shop or whatever you want.  I do find that I feel better when my house is clean. 

Hubby and I are trialling not turning the television or computer on until all of the work is done and the kids are in bed.  This has worked fantastically for us, not sure if it would work for you, but it means that we have the kitchen and house tidy before we go to bed, and usually I go straight to bed and hubby does book work, halleluja.

Goodluck with it, I really do sympathise, and know that it is not laziness but rather that hubby doesn't understand how much work looking after kids is, or how depressing broken sleep can be.

Take care.

Jodi

No, you're not lazy! Some people seem to manage to keep their homes vaguely tidy when they have toddlers (but pop in on most of them unannounced...!), but I know I couldnt even keep the floor clear enough to walk on if it were not for my helpful husband! Perhaps you need to leave him looking after them for a few hours on a Saturday and leave him the washing up to do - I doubt he would get it done, and trying might give him an insight into your challenges. Besides, most men cant multi-task all that well, so it's not even a fair comparison!