I have a problem I have a group of friends (mums) I have met through school and they all seem to have a group thing going for example they go out together, well recently they have invited me along to some of their gatherings which I have enjoyed going to but sometimes I have had to turn them down due to other commitments or the fact that I may be tired or just don't feel like going. But then I find myself worrying that I will lose them as friends because I may seem too unsociable. Should I do what I feel not just go along for fear of losing them?? I don't want to be alone yet I don't want to be part of a gang (this is what it feels like) because I feel like I can't be myself. I am so confused, has anyone ever felt like this before???
Certainly, I think you don't have to go to everything they go to if you don't feel like it. But once in a while, I think you should join them just to let them know that while you don't want to attend every social gathering, that you appreciate their friendship once in a while. Friendship takes work. While some of them will get to know each other more and more on each outing, you on the other hand are missing out. But like I said, don't feel obligated to go all the time.
I've never really had any true friends who have been there for me when I have needed them, so it is a bit harder for me to answer this question (previous life, you know the one before Minti!).
What I will say though is that if they are genuine, then they will be happy for you to be as involved as you are comfortable with and have time for. No one should ever make you feel bad just because you don't feel like it or have other things planned. If they do expect you to be there all the time, then it's really not worth it, as clearly these ladies would have nothing better but to gossip about other mums and their kids behind their backs.
Trust in yourself and always be true to who you are.
There are no hard and fast rules for friendship - you need to sort out what feels right for you. If you are feeling uncomfortable or pressured, then it is best to avoid people altogether. Say yes when it suits you and say no, when it doesn't - if they are really friends worth having, they will understand. Often our fears and worries about things like this are unfounded, as everyone is in the same boat. If they actually do have issues with you saying no, then you really won't be losing much will you?
So true. Real friends take the bad with the good and hold no grudges and accept you for who you are, regardless of other commitments, etc. Hence why it's easier to be friends with your friends and harder to be friends with your relatives sometimes. Better to have a few good friends than a heap of not-so-good so-called friends.
I'm sure if you explain what's going on, things will be fine. If you say 'it's been a big week, can I give it a skip, I really need to spend some time at home' they will be fine.
Perhaps you can initiate activities when you do have the time and energy, this will show them you value the friendship. I'm sure they will understand.
Something else I've been know to do a lot is leave early or stay late. it's a good way to catch up but still make it home to have a nanna nap!
I will just say that, if they stop being your friend simply because you cannot go places, they are not true friends. Real friends stick by you no matter what.
Perhaps you could explain how you feel to them? Tell them why you can't always go out with them but you do not want to lose their friendship. I'm sure they will be understanding. :)
We have this sort of thing as well. There are a group of 12 of us that go out once a month. It is great. In any one month we can have the whole group there, or as little as 4 or 5. We go out supposedly to celebrate each birthday, but really it is an excuse to get away from the hubby and kids. Because we all worked as volunteers in the school, we need that adult company.
It may seem like a gang, but you will probably find that it isn't like that at all. I felt very consipicuous the first few times we went out, as the new one in the group, but now love doing it. Just go along if you can a few times just to see. If you are tired etc, don't go but do let them know.
If they are your friends they won't drop you for being unsociable just for not going out with them a time or two.
Personally I think you should carry on going the days you can make it and enjoy yourself and have a good time, making sure that you don't fret about the times you aren't able to make it
If you are comfortable with the group when you are with them, relax and enjoy the fact that you have other friends and mums to spend time with, but if you uncomfortable in any way or like you say can't be yourself then I would look around for some new friends. Friends accept you for who you are and you should never have to be someone you are not so you can fit in
My first reaction to this question is - if you are going to loose them as friends because you have other commitments or need a rest, are they really the sort of people you want to be friends with???
My other thoughts are - They are Mums. They understand that Mums have other things to do. They know that you have kids to look after, hubby to look after, washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, shopping ... the list goes on, and on... My point is, they know you have other things to do and they should respect that.
I think you should stop worrying about weather or not you are going to loose them as friends and just enjoy the time you do spend with them.
Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.
