Hello Trundi, been there and done that with the step child thingy. Hard between you and new man 'cos he's known his son a lot longer than he has known you. The thing is it will be impossible to get him to see what you see Trun, men and women see things thro different eyes and therefor form different views on what we see. Cant switch minds undortunatly. The thing is you have to get your partner to see that your problem is very real one to you and screaming and not talking to one another is not going to get the point across. I suggest that you sit down quietly and express your concerns and tell him that you will give him space to try and work out if he can see where the problem lies with his sons stay overs. When these week-ends come along, go spend the week end with members of your own family or friends if no family around. Hubby will soon realise when HE has to take charge of his boy, things are not so easy and he will appreciate what you are up against. It will be hard for you and your babe, but hey, sometimes we have to put a little more out in order to get more in. Time and consistancy will the message across. After all, it wont be your hubs son that will hold his hand in old age, it will be you. Should point that out to hub.! Good luck

hi there

My son has a step brother, there is almost 15 yrs difference between them.  I personally cannot stand my step-sons behaivour at the best of times however considering he only comes over once a week its not a huge promblem.  On that basis and the fact that  there is a huge age gap between the two (similar to your boys)  the need to bond the two together for long periods of time is not necessary.  Its usually on a Sunday we have the older brother over and we do plan the day to include outings seperately as to give the boys their own personal space.

The need to guide and protect our children at such a young age away from bad influences is imperative( but also relative to our own beliefs)  Keeping sanity in place for us adults goes  a long way in keeping the kids happy esp step kids and I believe minimising the time the two kids spend together is beneficial to all.

rue

I agree with the comments about medication.  I have had 3 people in my life with depression and all three have often reduced or stopped medication due to feeling better. 

On the other note, my boyfriend and i have 4 kids between us, I have one he has 3.  We don't live together but we spend alot of time together especially when we have all the kids.  We have sat down and agreed that we need to be on the same page in relation to what can and can't happen with the kids in relation to behaviour etc.  If one of us disagrees with the other we talk about it in private and come to a solution and then discuss that with the kids or implement it.

It is often really hard as we find some of our parenting ideas are very different but ultimately the kids need to know we are a united front otherwise they will conquer us both.

So I would suggest you guys sit down and talk it out without the kids around.  You don't want him to think you are attacking him or his son but your concerns are very valid and you should be able to express that to him without him getting defensive of his son.

Good Luck.

DO NOT STOP TAKING MEDS BECAUSE YOU FEEL BETTER IN YOURSELF..... i know i have tried so many times and ended up on higher dosage. you have been through such a hard time that there is no silver lining and you feel no one knows and wants to know what you are going through, but listen take the meds and take all of the help you can there is no problem in asking and taking help i know i was too proud to do that and i had to pay the hard way by giving my son up wwhen he was 10 months old and that was 8yrs ago!!!! have you any friends or family you are close too? where are you in the world home start are good and they meet weekly just for a break for you from little one they do yoga and meditation and stuff even if your not into that which i couldnt get into i feel asleep for the two hours and no-one woke me or anything as i was my time for me as a break, mail me if you want to talk more.sheila.xxxxx thinking of you honey.

What I know of depression is that you need to stay on the medication until you have had at least four months without any changes in mood due to illness, so you might have your highs and lows but they won't be added to by your illness. 

Your mention of the past suggests to me you really aren't well and are still suffering a lot of the depression you did before.  There is a government scheme to get you assistance, and your GP can help.  They can get you cheap childcare and councelling, which will just help you work through your issues for the outcomes you are looking for.  I would hold of any decision making until you have spoken to someone qualified.

One thing I know from being the mother of two boys, is how much I worried about the influence others had on my oldest child, from a really early age, i would hate him associated with bigger kids and naughty children.  Now I don't worry so much, and am more confident of the values I instill in my son than those he sees around him.  I use time out really consistently (ok so not always consistently, I am human) but I use it to teach right from wrong, as well as lots of praise.  Kids want to do what is right and so will do what they get praised for, unless they feel like they are lacking attention, then any attention may be better than none, including negative attention.

So, all together I would say get professional help, and try and worry less about your step sons affect on your child.  Good luck, take care.

Jodi