my local library has a complete season of the super nanny.  I have borrowed it a couple of times, mainly interested in situations similar to my own.  I think what they say is have routine, drop back a level in your punishment, you have to go overboard for a while to break the childs bad behaviour.  So they use removal of toys etc, and time out. 

I would see if you could hire it, and then for a few days work on putting it in place, time out every time, privledges removed, you will find children comply quickly and you will have a much easier situation on your hands soon.

Good luck.

Jodi

I find natural consequences of decision she makes the best ever teacher. If she dawdles dressin 4 school , remove the distraction point. Like if telly is on and cartoons more interesting than dressing, turn off telly, and if she still not dressed, go out the door and wait, she will soon be into 'snap dressing' if she thinks your going without her. If she wont keep her things off the floor, tell her its ok to leave them there but when she comes home, they wont be there 'cos you put them in garbage bag-----but dont say it if you are NOT prepared to follow thro with it. Put things back when she not see you. She will soon learn if she decides to NOT pick things up----they go missing. Bleieve  me it works. Good luck!!

Hi! Don't know if it is a gender thing or an age thing.  My son is just off 5 and we are suddenly getting lots of defiance and lying.  He is strong willed and always has been but discipline has always been effective - now it is like I'm fighting an uphill battle.  We are getting lots of NO and "I can't" and shrugging off punishment.  In between he is lovely, so I am trying to play on that and encourage that and just being firm with the other behaviour.  It's very hard and the worst part is not knowing if I'm doing the right thing - so I'll be watching your responses!

My daughter was exactly the same and even now that she is 20 we can switch from best friends to aggressors, however we both know we love the other dearly so each argument is usually over pretty quickly

The only thing I did with my daughter, was to zone out and ignore any times she would not talk to me respectfully, when she was polite and courteous always hear her out and give her my full attention but when she was being waspish, I would not argue back or participate in her tantrums.

Unfortunately there is nothing as hard as a strong willed child but there is nothing as loyal either. Just pick your battles, be prepared to let some of the little things go once in a while to show you are willing to work with her but make sure you take a stand on the important things. If you aren't consistent on the big issues you will lose all credibility with her very quickly

xxx

I have a 5yo daughter who I have major clashes with, my husband is usually the mediator.  However, I have found that if I make it sound like she's doing me a HUGE favour she is more willing to help.  Do you think that she's testing you because you're now a single mum?  I hope this helps.

Michelle

Ok, we have a 5 year old and a 4 year old who are the same.  In my case, it is genetic, I was very strong willed right from a young age.  Maybe you were too!

Maybe you could start a rewards chart.  We are going to try this with ours.  Also, our 5 year old is very well behaved at school, or so I have been told.  Theory behind that is your child is either going to be an angel at school or at home, can't have both! lol.  Is this the same with your daughter?

I have two boys and my youngest who is 3, unfortunately has my personality, so we are constantly butting heads and seeing who is more stubborn or strong willed. His brother who is 7 is the opposite. Sometimes it's just a personality clash. Sometimes it's just the age, they have hormone surges. I know I have to choose my battles wisely but when I choose a battle I have to follow through. I don't win 100% of the time but I certainly win most of the time. Stick to your guns, if you don't she will see that what she's doing is working. Sometimes you just have to try and ride it out and hope she'll get better.

Sorry I couldn't be more help.........it's just a few thoughts I had. Good luck.

Amanda xxx

They say the terrible two's are bad but really the first two or three years of school are the worst - they learn independence, they also learn - everything - so they know it all and want to prove it.

Don't argue with her - easy to say hard to do - where possible, get her to prove her point. This is the age where she needs to learn to justify her actions and statements otherwise she will always think she is right.

If the sky is blue and she says it is pink, don't argue, ask her to justify it. You will sometimes be surprised at their logic - sometimes you cannot fight the logic - sometimes you will want to p yourself laughing. It is also the time to point out any holes in her logic.

Work at it and see what happens.

cheers

les

My daughter was, & still is (she's 13), the same. If you said the sky was blue, she'd argue it's pink! She ended up being diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). Now, your daughter may not have that, but there is the possibility. What is she like with her learning & attention?

You say you are recently a single mother (I know what that's like). How recently? Could your daughter be reacting to this? Does she see her father? If so, is there the possibility of him telling her opposite to what you tell her? Sometimes this can happen in split families, making it confusing for the child. If this is the case you & your ex just need to work out some ground rules.

I'm a firm believer in reward charts such as a star chart as a great way of getting kids to do what they should. Give a star for whatever reason you think & when the child reaches a certain number of stars she gets a reward. Rewards can be whatever you think appropriate - a lolly of choice, take away for dinner, go to the park, go to the movies, etc.

When her brother does things, really praise him up heaps on what a good boy he is, what a good helper he is for mummy - this sort of thing can make her jealous enough to make her want to do more so she too gets the praise. Put him on the reward chart, too. When she sees how many stars he is getting, & sees the reward he gets, she will want the same.

Don't fight her. I know this is the hardest thing to do, but she probably wants the attention it brings her. Give her a no care attitude. Tell her it's her choice but explain the consequences of her actions (eg, with my kids, if they refuse to clean their rooms, I'd tell them that's ok, they can leave it, I'll just throw out all of their toys. I once even filled a bag with a lot of my eldest daughter's toys & put them away for a week - she cleaned up more after that).

Hope this helps - good luck!

hi,

im sorry that all his happening with you and i dont know much on what to do but i know there are plenty of members that will be able help.

Something ive noticed with my one of my twin neices who is also 6 is that she loves to push it..she like to win the argument and doesnt give in.I think it may be something to do with age im not sure.

something i can say tho that mat help is try doing a hobby together, have just mummy daughter time, this is what she mite want..

i hope i works out.

Dannii xxo