I'm not up to that stage but having worked with children I have found out something that certain  children who like to be aggressive do not like.  That is put somewhere and ignored.  So I don't know if it will work but if you have a room that is safe i.e if he has a tantrum only has cushions or if you can make an area like this.  When he hits pick him up do not speak do not say anything and firmly put him in the room.  Then shut the door and leave him for 5 to 10 minutes.  Then go back in and if he starts again put him down shut the door.

Your not hitting him and your right you shouldn't.  But he is not getting what he wants and no body should ever get what they want because they hit, your being consistent with the ramifications, he is not getting hurt and no one else is getting hurt.  Hopefully overtime he will realise that hitting gets him put in  a boring place and that is all hitting does.

Also last bit of advice never ever ever not do it i.e if out put him in his pram strap him in then turn it towards a wall.  or put him in the car seat.  But make sure he understands hitting gets him ignored. 

It might work I just found that ignoring naughty students worked better then trying all this find out what the matter is.  Children want to be part of the action.

Oh and last big bit of warning when you first do this he will start blue murder.  be prepared the first time do not go near the room until he is quite.   This maybe longer then ten minutes and do not yell at him, tell him to be quite, try and comfort him. 

Hi there, my sister has showed me this Q&A asking me to answer because I had a lot of behavior issues with my son (who is now 2).

Time out can be used from any age really. I had my son sitting in the corner at 10 months. He got the gist pretty fast and I can say by a week he knew that when I said "if you do ______ again you will go in the corner" i meant it and the behavior was often stopped before he even had to go in the corner. Even now it works. There is a corner everywhere you go. The shops, bus, in the street i can find one and on more than one occasion I have used it. People may stop and stare but I am the one having to deal with it at home and you can't threaten punishment at a later date (when you get home you are going in the corner), especially at that age. 1 minute per age and if they cry and scream and kick start the time from when you have silence. If they get up and walk away start over again. The first couple of times they might be a little hysterical but they need to learn that time out is a place to reflect on the bad behavior. When his time is up get him to come to you and say sorry after you have explained to him again why he was there. "You had to sit in the corner because you hit mummy in the face and hitting is not nice. It hurt mummy a lot. Please say sorry" and make sure he does. He needs to realize that it makes you sad and it is not acceptable.

As for the smacking him back you are right not to do so. You can't smack a child for misbehaving and not expect them to hit you when they are angry with you. I know a lot of parents that smack their children, and it is their choice, but they are the ones who have the violent children. It really sends a mixed message of "if you can hit me I can hit you".

I do not agree with putting a child in their place of rest for punishment. A bed or cot is supposed to be a fun, happy and relaxed place and if you use it as a form of 'time out' then bed time is seen as a punishment. This also goes for prams/strollers/buggies. If you put your child in one to restrain for punishment then you will have all sorts of issues getting them to sit there when you want to go out.

Sleeping alone after having constant parental comfort is hard. I co slept with my son for 12 months then had to stay in his room with him till he was 15 months and I had just had enough. It is exhausting and while it is nice when they are babies, they tend to play on it when they are older by making the time to fall asleep so much longer. I let him cry it out. He was also in a bed at this stage and would get out of his bed and I would take him by the hand, walk him to his bed, lay him back down and leave without saying a word. The first night I think he got up and came out about 30 times but gradually over the week it became less frequent and by the end of the 6th day he was sleeping in his bed without getting up alone. It was very trying the first few days as I thought it would never work but I was persistant and after a while they realize that it wont work and they stop doing it. You going back in and laying down with him that last time until he falls asleep is just encouraging and reinforcing what he is doing therefor he will not sleep by himself because at the end of the night he gets what he wants.

I am by no means an expert and I know all children are different but I hope this helps you as it did me.

my daughter is only 5 months so im lucky enough to not have gone through this yet... but i do have a friend with a 22 month old and was doing the exact same thing, we did a bit of reserch when nothing else seemed to work and found some good articles on the net about the additives in baby food, bread, pastas etc. I cant put my finger on what it was called though!. so she found her solution with exculding any foods that had a certain additive and WOW what a new little boy he was

It is a phase all kids go through.  He is learning about cause and effect and consequences.  You need to find away of confining him for short periods of time when he does this.  eg, if you have him in bed and he head butts you again, put him in his bed, close the door and walk away until he settles down. 

Reacting means he got the attention he wanted, so removing him from the situation is the best.  If he is hitting with toys, take them away from him.  Don't pretend to cry, kids love that, it means they won.  A simple firm no will do at the same time as moving his hands/ head out of the way.

Time out can work with this age. A friend has had the same problem and she tells her son to sit on the 'naughty step' and he does. He knows when he's done wrong. He cries when he this happens but my friend ignores the cries (otherwise the exercise is pointless). If not a step, a chair. My brother bought a little plastic chair for my niece. When she was naughty she'd sometimes go get the chair herself, lol.

Why can't you smack him? I don't mean belting him too hard or anything. Just a smack on the hand with a stern "no" when he hits or throws something. When nothing else works, this might. Just firm enough for him to know you mean business and that he mustn't do it.

When my son went through this, I distanced myself from him. For example, if I was holding him and he hits me, I say, "don't hit mommy. It hurts." I then place him on the floor and walk away a few steps and ignore him for a few minutes (no eye contact, no touching). If you try this, you have to be consistent though.

If your baby approaches you to hit you, then pick him up and put him in the livingroom (or wherever just to put some distance from you) and say the same thing.

When you can, ignore the tantrums - go on and keep cooking and don't talk to him and don't look at him while he is having his tantrum.  When you consistently do this, he'll figure out that he really can't get what he wants just by throwing a tantrum and hitting.

I really feel for you.. my son has been doing this since he was 13-14 months old (he is now 22 mths old). He tends to hit when he is tired, he will get really angry and hit me, the walls, sofa or my husband (thankfully not other kids) It has driven me crazy and I have gone through various stages including taking it personal etc. My son has also head-butted me and I have treated it the same way as the hitting.

Your son is old enough to understand what time out is and seriously, it works! I am not saying it is going to be easy, but if you persevere and be consistent you will see the improvements. When my son hits I will say that is not nice use gentle touches and ask him to show me the sign for gentle (we did some baby sign language) and he does. If he hits again he goes in time out for two minutes, I have even had to put him in time out for hitting me in stores and at playgroup.. and he knows what he has done and will say sorry (or when he was younger gave me a kiss and a hug to say sorry) The consistency has paid off, it is soooo much better, although I am not going to say it has gone away completely... he still tries to push his boundaries every now and again. He would hit me several times a day and it felt like he lived in time out  but now he may hit out every couple of weeks, sometimes he will hit me without thinking, realise what he has done and before I can say anything he will say no, no and hug me!  

I have waffled, but your son is old enough for time out and it has worked wonders for us.. it feels at times like it will never get better, but it will.  Also make sure you use positive reinforcement when he uses 'gentle touches'. I am still working on my son's throwing, he has great accuracy and alarming strength for hisage, but will throw things at you (like a hard ball or toy) when you are not expecting it, again we use time out and he is getting better.

Good luck!

Lorna

Hi Amb,

Your totally right if you was to smack him back that would only show him that this is ok . My daughter is 22 months she is currently going through a stage of smacking the cats and her sister . This isnt acceptable therefore i have been punnishing her with timeout in her cot. You can only give time out for a minute as he is only 1 but if u do this everytime he smacks or hurts yourself or your dog he will begin to realise doing this will just end him in timeout .

Good luck i hope you can battle it soon before someone gets hurt.

Emz x