Hi, I agree with what you have already been advised on. From my experience I found if I melted then everything around me melted, try to stay strong and now concerntrate on yourself and your little one. Always feel positive about yourself. My 3 boys were 6, 4 & 2 when their dad left and it took me quite awhile to except what had happened, I really could not have done without the support of my family and friends so you should do whats right for you and bubs even if that means moving back to the city! I wish you well, and yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Lastly...it's really important to breath and take 5 mins for yourself every now and then. I wish someone had told me that at the begginging. xxx Melissa.

I'm not sure if you want this from the man's side, but I'm going through this myself, but I have a different set of problems, I'm the step dad, and therefore I have no legal right as far as the kids are concerned, I've been cut off compleatly. I know you can move to where ever your most at home, so if your friends and family are in the city, then by all means head back to the city.

If all your support is 4 hours away you will have to make arrangements for access, he'll most likely have the right to have the kids every second weekend, and half of the holidays, during your meadiation (and you will have to do this) an arrangement will have to be made for transport, Unless you dont have a car, then it's his problem. otherwise it's more then likely half and half, but if your on a pention, and he's working they will take that in as well, if he can afford to travel and you can't then thats how it's going to be. but bear in mind that if you get into another relationship and he moves in with you and the kids, then his income will come into play as well, ask me for 3 years I had to drive the kids to thier dad's every second weekend. oh yeah my ex has 4 kids to 2 fathers, for me that was a 200 km trip every other friday each way.

If you want what i know, and I do have some information on this, please get in touch. I just wish she would let me spend some time with the kids, it's really hard for a guy to bring up 4 kids for 5 years and then get cut of totally.

Wildcatgta aka Ron (the evil stepdad) yeah right

At least now you know where you are heading. It feels like almost a death as it is the death of all your dreams but it is a beginning too, of your new life and it will get better. He can fight to keep you in the country but if all your support is in the city, would he do that? Have you talked about that? My ex would not even go to counselling but I don't think that it is a miracle cure either. Sometimes too much damage is done before that. We can only change ourselves. I wish you and your daughter all the best in the future. I had 3 children under 6 when I became a single mother. There was many highs and lows. It still takes mum and dad working together to try to bring the kids up to be happy and healthy and it is so hard especially in the beginning to get past all the emotional turmoil to do the best for the child or children. I do still remember the pain I was in and the first time I went to centrelink I was a mess. I even broke down crying in there as they have to interview you too over here. Now I know it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I needed to experience what I have though, to get to seeing that. You deserve to have someone that loves you!

Hi I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you but believe me it does get better. Although I had no children when I split from my first ( in hospital after just having miscarrage ) he decided that he wanted this other life with a music groupy. Me being very determined to keep my life in one piece I started to look for a job which I got straight away that took my mind of things. That could be a reason that you have to move back to the city with your child so you can earn a living to give the little one the best of care and support of family. If your parents are in the city then you can have g/parent help check this out with c/link, ask a few questions 1. can your hubby look after the child. 2. can he support you. Be a little bit careful because if you are working and earn more than him you are liable to pay him child support. These are a few tips I have picked up from my own experience and my step daughters who has recently been divorced with 3 children. 

hope some of this helps but it does not stop the hurt inside just remember that it is not your fault  keep intouch if you need to talk 

ciao Vicki            

You mention Centrelink so I take it you are in Australia? Then I can tell you that he cannot stop you moving to where you want to go. He can ONLY fight to stop you moving interstate. Other than that, you can go wherever you like.

Have a talk to him, tell him you want to be reasonable & civilised about it. Explain that if you move you will only be 4 hours away so you can come to an arrangement where he has your child on some weekends, or holidays, whatever you both agree to. You could make an agreement where, for instance, you drive to where he is to drop your child off, then he brings your little one back.

I'm sorry things haven't worked out. At least you did try the counselling. As much as you will be hurting right now I can guarantee that things will get better. Please keep him in your child's life. So many split parents argue so much they forget the child/ren & often one parent will stop the other seeing the child. All children need both parents in their lives (well, unless of course a parent is violent or something like that).

 When my kids father left, my eldest was 4, next one 10 months, & I was 7 months pregnant, I've been completely on my own since. You will get through this, it will get easier, & the pain you are feeling will go away. Just take things step by step, one day at a time. Feel free to contact me if you'd like someone to talk to (minti mail your regualr email to me). All the best.

I'm sorry to hear this.  Must be really tough for you right now.

I don't know what country you are in, but here in Australia, I believe that as long as you can reach an acceptable agreement, there is no way he can prevent you moving to where you are going to have the most support.  That is what the courts will look at, where you will get the greatest support from.  4 hours drive is not that far away, and if he wants the divorce, then he actually has no right to keep you from going back to your family and friends, nor does he have the right to dictate where you can and can't live.  He obviously hasn't been as involved with your daughter, so why would he start now?  And if he tries to control everything, it is to hurt you not because he wants what is best for his daughter.

Here in Australia, you will go through a mediation process  This will get a clearer picture from all sides, help you to communicate needs, wants etc and hopefully reach an acceptable agreement that you can both work with.

As for the forms (oh poop!  You are in Australia! lol) I'm a partnered parent and they are sending me a mountain a month to fill out.  Trust me, once everything is sorted out, you will still be climbing that paper mountain every few weeks.

Again, I'm sorry to hear that things have gotten worse for you.  I've never been through what you are going through, but will offer whatever support I can.  Minti mail me anytime you need to.