Oh, oh, the terrible 2's, and yes, they can start this early.

This is a very trying stage for all parents, not matter how many times you go through it, but you have to try and stay calm and ignore the behaviours as much as you can.  Her having an audience means she gets the attention she wants and she will keep the behaviour up.

I have for the most part had my partner around all the time.  However, when he was working, I barely made it through, never left the house and became severely depressed, something I have only overcome in the last 10 months after 4+ years.

Is there a playgroup near you?  Are you ok with the idea of daycare?  Maybe some time apart, even for a couple of hours a couple of days a week, might take away some of the issues.  Look into playgroups where you can meet other mums and talk about these sorts of issues while she has a good play with other children.  Think about the daycare idea.  It might prove to be what you both need.

Most of all, remember that you are the one that is there for her, and no body has the right to make you feel as though you are doing a bad job, not even yourself!

I can't help you with the bed issue, my 2 year old is currently warming my side of the bed while I type this.

You are definately not useless. I know things can get ontop of you, especially when they're so young and always demanding attention, you never get a break.

You have 2 choices with the sleeping issue. You can either try Controlled Crying, on your own or contact a Tresillian midwife. I did the week long stay with my first child and I highly recommend it, they were my life saver. Or you can have her sleep with you in your bed, this may save you lots of sleepless nights and even more stress. With my youngest (he's 3) he still likes to cuddle with me in bed or on the lounge while he goes to sleep, but he's much easier to get to sleep, as my oldest only liked to be rocked while I walked, he wouldn't let me sit at all. I've accepted that my youngest likes it and to be honest I don't mind at all.

You need to do whatever you're happy with and whatever will make your life easier.

Good luck.

Amanda xxx

Hey now there, you are so not useless, you care about your little one enough to seek help, that is great and shows how much you care about your Bub. Sounds like the terribble two's have set in, though a rather challenging time for you both it can be gotten through.  

The trick in getting the behaviour you wish to see, in my oppinion is consistency and staying strong to your goal. Not alway's easy, but you can do this with love and encouragement. I hope this helps and worked for both our girls.

Tantrums I find tend to lessen, if your attention is removed. So when Bub starts to let rip, walk away saying you will talk when she is calm. If there is no audience, then it is a waste of energy. Each time you walk away, if we are consistent, the tantruns should  lessen each  time. Does not happen over night,LOL but littlies are bright and they get the message if you stay at it and dont give in. Throughout the day, give loads of praise and attention when Bub is behaving the way you like. So whenever she does something quietly or helps you, or is chattering nicely, praise,praise, praise.

You say both you and bub feel "miserable and grumpy". Is it the catch 22?  where you feel miserable, due to her tantrums and not sleeping etc and she feels grumpy because you,feel grumpy and so on in a never ending circle? We have all been there too on day's when it is never ending. Children are good at picking up on our feelings and mirroring us. Quite often if we are smiley and happy they are too. Sometimes if you are feeling a bit down about life it is best to set a goal to smile,smile smile all day, not easy but do-able. Laugh when you feel like screaming, giggle when you feel the world is against you, and make funny faces at Bub when things go pear shaped.

Have you tried controlled crying for the sleep issue and staying in her own bed. I know some parents find it hard, but it does work quite well for some children. http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/157/Controlled-Crying-our-experience/ This advice link has links within to quite a bit of advice on controlled crying and tips to sleeping.

I dont know if any of this is helpfull but I am sure others will come up with more and better advice to aid you. Dont be afraid to chat to your health visitor or Doctor, they quite often have good contacts for parents who feel isolated or are wanting to learn more about parenting. Wishing you all the best and hope things settle for you soon.

Luv Winnie.xx

Hi there

Im sorry to hear that you are going thru this on your own. I know i find it hard and i am only alone thru the week.

Have you tried controlled crying? I did it with my son and it seemed to work. It was really hard at first, but it payed off in the end. If you are unable to do that, then perhaps your could try a comforter for her to sleep with. I also had someone tell me to change my sons room around when he was giving me a hard time. I didnt do it, so i cant say that it worked, but apparently it worked for my friend.

Maybe you could also put her into daycare 1 or 2 days a week. If she has activities that she can do with other kids, it may settle her down. Maybe she gets bored? I dont mean that in a nasty way, i just know that my son gets bored with me and follows his dad around all weekend! Having a day to yourself would destress you a little too. That way you will be more relaxed. She will notice it if you are happier.

I hope this helps.

Cass xx

First and foremost, you are certainly NOT useless. Remove such thoughts from your mind now. Raising a child/ren isn't easy, especially on your own (I have 3 on my own who are 13, 9, & 8 - they were 4, 10 mths, & I was 7 mths pregnant when their father left).

Don't let things be an issue. It's all a matter of learning for both of you & it takes time & patience. Don't give in to tantrums. I know that's hard as all you want to do is stop them, but giving in teaches the child that if they throw the tantrum they will get their own way.

Look for Mother's Groups in your area & playgroups. They are a great way to meet other mums. Your local Community Centre should be able to help you find such groups. Community Centres often have other services available that can help - give them a call, explain your situation, & they will let you know what services are available.

Have you thought about putting into daycare a couple of days a week? It just might be good for you to have a break. When my eldest started school I put my younger two in twice a week so I could have a break. It's also very good for them to learn social skills plus they have a lot of fun.

The rocking to sleep part is easy fixed. Put her in her bed & leave her to go to sleep! If she cries, she cries, ignore it. Be stern when she refuses her bed. I don't you if you smack (I respect that some parents don't) but if you do, just a smack on her bottom, not hard but firm so she knows you mean business, may help.

Lisa, you are doing a good job, don't doubt that. As I said, do not feel useless because you are not. You are being a good mother, no need to feel you can be better. If you are miserable & grumpy then your little one may be picking up on that. Find ways to be happy. For instance, do you like music? I find music always cheers me up - put on some boppy music & dance with your little girl. Play games with her. Anything you think may put a smile on both your faces.

Find those groups, consider daycare, & keep your chin up. xx

 hi lisa, try giving your daughter a comfort toy or blanket/pillow to sleep with.. i gave my son (23months) a little pillow which is his comforter and he has it with him when he goes to sleep and naps. they can associate the comforter with sleep time and its something to snuggle up too..

getting her to go to sleep in her own bed, as painful as it might seem (i did this with my son) put them to bed then wait 2mins, go in and pat her on back to calm her, don't pick her up and only stay for a minute or so then go out room again and wait 4mins, same process then wait 6mins same process and wait 8mins. The idea is to increase the amount of time each time so they don't expect u to go in every 2mins. with my son i went in every 5, 10, 15 mins and would do this till i got to hour and he was usual asleep.. by the next night the time was a little less and the 3rd night even less.  But so long as she is not crying so much that she is making herself physical sick. then i can't help u there...

when she chucks a tantrum - i put my son in his bedroom until he calms down then he can come out and play.. 

good luck hope some of these ideas help...

lisa

I'm sure you'll get heaps of advice on here, its such a great site!  Have you looked up any of the advice articles??

Also i highly reccomend that you contact you nearest Child Health Clinic, book an appointment as soon as you can. Explain your situation and tell them that you are struggling, i'm sure they will be able to help you out as much as they can. They may also suggest getting involved in a local Playgroup, which is great, you'll get to meet lots of other parents having simmilar problems. Just being able to have a cuppa and a chat with other parents is sometimes what you need to get on the right track, and so many parents are in the same situation as you.  Good luck

Maggie