I guess I should have read more.  Why are you having to have your brother AND your sister living with you?  And if she is supposed to be with you, why is she at your parents house?  Doesn't make sense.  And if your brother needs your dad, why doesn't he just go over there?  Why is all of this being done over the phone in the first place?  It seems a bit out of sorts. 

You are raising your own family and having to raise your sister and brother too?  I don't get it I guess.  Keep a journal of your sons milestones...put together a little book to keep track, snap a photo of the moments.  Your parents will surely appreciate that a ton.  And just think, instead of just hearing about it over the phone, you will be providing them with a photo view of what their grandson has acheived.

If I were you, I would tell my brother to go to dad instead of being here with me and tell your sister to get back where she is supposed to be for her issues.  Again, I do not understand why this is all taking place in your house and not your parents. 

I really feel for you and hope it all works out.

xoxo

aaliyah

Ok first off my parents live near Nowra(South of Sydney). My Sister Lives with them not with me. but the courtcase for her daughter is being held here in brisbane. So she has to stay with me for a few days. My brother lives with me for the reason he needed a job and where my parents live it is hard to get a job.

All of this is being done ova the phone and E-mails because it is a 13 hour drive one way between my house and my parents house. or bout 1.5 hour flight.

I am not really raising my brother he lives with me and pays rent and bills just like our housemate does. We all pay the same amount.

But when he got accused of a crime he turned to me for help and i can't help him and I dont want my relationship with my parents and sister to deteriate as it has between My parents and myself with my sister in the past.

Hope this helps you too understand a bit more.

Yes, it makes way more sense than what you originally posted.  If you had posted all those details before,  it would have been understandable why it's not that easy to just walk on over there.  I am sure out of your frustration that you just didn't put that in but please remember that we don't know you or your living situation. 

We only know that you put a question for help and we can only help based on what information you supply us with. 

So yes, this makes a more complete story for your issue and now that you put all that, I believe the advice will be a bit different.

Having said that,  I am a pro at long distance family relationships.  I live a continent and ocean away from my family and I opted not to argue at international rates because there is always some issue that comes up and my mother will call me to complain as if I could just walk over and help.

I am not even in the country where they are and I am coming between family members, lol go figure.  With that, I have just ignored these "moments" and acted as if I am not bothered by it.  I have a journal and I post my biggest secrets in there...and that's that. 

If you are really frustrated, write a letter to your parents expressing how you feel and when you are finished, throw it away.  It helps ALOT.

It still seems however that your sisters situation is pre-occupying them as this also involves one of their grandchildren.  So I stick by what I said before regarding the book for them.

You could buy one of those photo albums that has a space to write a caption.  And take tons of pictures of your son doing whatever you think your parents would love to hear about or doing whatever it is you would call them for to tell them about what your baby did.

Keep a journal of what he does and when he does it.  Documenting this is good all the way around for you and them and him when he is older.

At the end of each month, and I am hopeful you talk to them before hand but at the end of each month or even every two weeks.  Send them this little pictoral update.  They will appreciate it.

Try to call them once a week and even if it is just for that one minute, so be it.  Or if you can not handle this, then write them a letter and send some pictures of your baby doing what he does best...being cute. 

You don't need to spend a lot of money to do the picture thing but I would think, as time pressed as they seem, an email will go unanswered.  If you send them a small little letter with a few pictures and info on the back of the pictures, it will get their attention more than an e-mail or phone call. 

I really do feel for you in your situation and I am glad that you cleared it up regarding the "whole picture".  Not that we need to know every little secret.  But when you ask for help just remember, we can only give you advice based on what you ask/put in a post.  take care and best of luck and if you need an ear...feel free to email me.

xoxo

aaliyah

Thanks and sorry about that I just was never good at putting th whole things in words and sometimes i just don't realise i leave stuff out til some1 has pointed it out to me.

But thanks verymuch for your advice and ill see what i can do and if it helps.

My brother does live with us and he follows the house rules. But he is still very immature at the moment so he doesnt want my help or input and won't listen to my advice... He is 18 after all and thinkd he knows it all the only person he will listen too is our dad that is one reason i need them to know and help.

I have tried to get him to talk to one of these organisations, but he won't talk to them.

I have stood back and let them have room but i just like to know what is goin on cause my sister is meant to be staying with me for her courtcase and unless i ring up to find out when it is they wouldnt call me and one day i would just get a phonecall saying im at the airport can u come pick me up please.

So even thought ive let them have room for months, I still need to know what is happening.Which is what makes this a really difficult situation.

My sister is in the middle of trying to get full Custody of her Daughter at the moment, But the court case has been suspended for 3 months currently but. I rang them up to give them the news that my son was standing up and that phone call lasted 30 seconds i rang them up the night before my sisters court case was due t ofind out if she was coming up that lasted bout 1 minute and in the last 3 months ive talked to them 4 times each and average of 1 minute. But i know they need to concentrate on my sister but they can talk to her just about anytime they want.

So what can i do to help stop our relationship from deteriating ??

its tough especially as you say your brother is in a bit of bind. try to get some legal aid if your  living in australia your brother might be entitled to egal aid depending on his finances.

also some community health centres in your area may be able to give you some emotional support, because whilst you are "needing your parents" they probably feel that your sister needs them more at present

dont delay with your brother because delays dont make a problem go away. legal advice is the best but its costly . so do look into legal aid

you seem to be in a catch 22 situation but talking to a health worker will at least give you some emotional support. write down a list on one side put all the positives in your life and on the all the negatives.

make sure that you include everything even the smallest of gestures.

try to look at the positives. dont dwell on the negatives too much hopefully you have got just as many positives as you have negatives. some positives i can see lready is that you have a wonderful child there that looks healthy and happy and you are part of that

whilst some things can hurt dont dwell too much on them give your parents time as well as your sister.

since communication seems to be breaking down try sending a card addressed to your sister .

lmaybe if she is struggling financially maybe a shopping voucher and just saying im thinking of you. be as sincere in all this try to avoid any mention of you i know its hard but sometimes people think the grass is greener on the other side.

i dont mean you i mean that your family might perceive that you are leading a "perfect life " and you dont have a care in the world. whereas deep down you are craving your family . there is nothing wrong with wanting to pick up the phone and talking about your little one "standing up for the first time"

sometimes though the harder we try the harder the other person backs away. give it a little break i know as you stated earlier that you might be blamed for not replying to emails and the rest but that is why a gesture like sending a card is sometimes appropiate

this way noone can accuse you of neglecting or ignoring them.at the same time you are reaching out without them feeling that the "timing is wrong"

its a hurtful situation your in and a tough one but it needs to be handled with care. otherwise there willbe friction and things could exculate to a negative level which in the long run does noone anygood.

unfortunately right or wrong you will have to be the stronger of everyone and try to diffuse this from turning into something ugly or something you might regret in the future.

it is so tough and delicate because these arent friends that you can just take or leave them when they hurt us

take care

cheers annie

Thanks very much for your help ill try a few of these things. I'll let you know how it turns out.