I find it hard to say that i understand what the issue is ,do you want her not to get pregnant yet because she is according to you "overweight" or do you want her to wait because she has nt been married long.If either are the case really a friend would just stand by and let what ever she wants to happen,be there for support and a ear.

Many people are getting pregnant around our area too and i would not know what your friend must be feeling to see other pregnant or trying and her also wanting a bub.Just let her have her dream,if the shoe was on the other foot how would you take it coming from her.

The way you support her is to say "goodluck,hope you do get pregnant".

There is no quick-fix cure for weight problems... I've always been overweight myself. And who knows? She may fall pregnant even without losing weight...

I have always been a comfort eater myself & have consistently been shamed for it. After awhile even the most kindly & gentle suggestions feel like criticism; the whole issue becomes a raw nerve.. There's a lot of interesting things I've learnt along the way.. I went to an "eating behaviour" group in the 80's & learnt to keep a food-journal that listed how I was feeling (scale 1-10), circumstances (time of day, people around, event etc), what & how much I ate, feelings immediately after eating (scale 1-10), & then feelings (scale 1-10) a little later. It was useful as a bit of a reality-check, to see if the food was actually working... Food can be an essential crutch in my life & I found that some levels of pressure I really couldn't tolerate without it. During the same decade I found out that I was hypoglycemic (overproduction of insulin). This in itself can make people overeat (especially sugary things). Refined sugar hits the bloodstream; causes massive insulin overproduction & thus a blood-sugar drop that is really debilitating. Thereby triggerring a craving for sugar.. So I rigorously followed a diet for hypoglycemics (no refined sugar at all) for nearly 10yrs.. Until I found myself in a freaky relationship & started to secret-eat. Fortunately for me, the highly reactive aspect of my hypoglycemia had passed. But I did have to get out of that relationship to stop the secret-eating.

Eventually I went to wieght watchers & did have some success for the first 18 months; then I plateaued at 100kg so I quit. I learnt some interesting stuff there tho:- I'd always thought I needed to not eat to lose weight; turns out it was the opposite; I needed to learn to eat frequently (hungry or not), eat more raw stuff & wholegrains, take a little excersise & simply choose low-fat options at all times. Oddly, even tho I've gained a little since quitting WW, not as much as I thought I would. And lately, I've been losing again for no readily apparrent reason. And you know in all the time I was doing WW, the weeks I lost most weight was when I had been laughing a lot; regardless of what I was eating. Nowadays I try to eat at least every 3 hrs. Its hard for me b/c I have an old pattern of not eating when I get busy doing something & I don't recognise that its time to eat. There's a little voice that says,"I'll just finish this while I'm on a roll.."  I still eat dessert 2 meals a day... On a long day I'll even have cookies with my cuppa in between. Now I allow myself to eat dessert/cookies without shame, I can keep those things in the house without binging on them.. I even still have a chocolate rabbit on top of the fridge from Easter... OOps; its time for me to eat again!

hugs

Rosalinda

Hi there. Being overweight does not mean that she cannot fall pregnant. If she's having fertility probs they may be linked to something else. I am overweight (very) and have had no problems falling pregnant five times (unfortunately only 4 have made it )

Best of luck to her, though, and your a great friend for caring so much.

hello rukia

i know how your friend feels and like DA said get her to join there is a group beautifull bods i think it is called i am lucky and fallen preganet 3 times but i love working out i am more big boned but i agree also with someone else comment try a diet and also get her to have vitamians now instead of waiting till she is actually preg  evelit it expensive but is great  . i was on it before this one

please keep us updated with your friend

belxx

There's already some great advice given here, I just want to suggest a diet plan that I am on if she is interested. You mentioned she tried the Tony Ferguson, I tried that too, & did not like it as there is bugger-all you can have on it. I have found another one, Betty Baxter, & it is similar to Tony's in the way that you have the meal replacements, but the difference is there is more range in snacks etc that you can have. There is a website, just search Betty Baxter & you'll find it. I've been on it 3 weeks & have lost 13 cm off my waist so far. When you weigh in with Betty Baxter, they have these scales with sensors you stand on. It prints out a complete break-down of weight - it shows your fat mass, water weight, muscle tone, & more. This is great because over-all weight can go up when dieting due to muscle tone & water adding weight, but it shows the fat mass which is where you want the weight to go down. Plus they measure your waist.

I haven't followed things exactly, sometimes having food I shouldn't, but am still losing the weight. It's good to go in & see the results when weighed & measured. To stick to such a diet you need determination & if your friend can focus on having a baby might help encourage her (for me, I keep picturing myself wearing clothes I have that don't fit anymore!)

Best of luck to her.

HI there, I also had 2 friends that couldn't have babies.  One luckily fell pregnant just as they were going to see the ivf doctor and the other has been to ivf but she has got a health problem that needs to be operated first and money is a problem as well.  She is so desperate for a baby and she has lost both her tubes as well...she has been through soo much.  Maybe if you can be your friends inspiration to lose weight.  My friend did weight watchers and she made it her personal goal to help me and it worked.  I really hope it happens for her.  good luck

I think DA has said it all!  Even if she doesn't have children yet, Minti is where she can gain support to help her achieve her goal.

For her, food is a comfort thing, as you have said, and she needs to find a substitute, like writing, gardening, crafts.  That is, when she needs the comfort, taking which ever she chooses and putting the hurts into that.  I do this with my cross stitch, and then when they are complete, I wash the yucky feelings out of it by hand and the end result still feels pure.  Gardening, she could have fresh herbs and other edibles and nibble on them while she works at keeping the garden the way she wants.  Writing, she could write down a poem about how she wants to eat, but has a goal in mind and instead of giving in, is going to write it out instead.  Hey, even 1000 poems by the same author about the same thing are still going to be unique.

I've never been over weight (quite the opposite and I'm happier now i'm a little more visible!), but I do know that crash diets and fad diets really don't work.  A wholistic approach is better.

Healthy food, moderate exercise and self esteem building activities like art classes etc will get her there in the end.  A lot of women who change their eating habits and do start to exercise will give up after a few weeks because they feel they are getting heavier.  Actually, they are right.  Muscle is heavier than fat, so they might put on weight before they lose any.  The proof that it is working is in the clothing size.  A lady I knew took this approach and gave up, only to be told by her gp that it was working and she just needed to give it more time and have some patience.  You know what, 6 months later, and she achieved her weight loss goals and was so happy to have stuck to the plan.

No matter what, the best thing for her is the support of those who care.  I'd offer a womb for rent, but after 5 kids, I really think I need a 100 year break!  I so need to breathe again!  It is hard to see other women suffer, and i feel a little guilty as Puggle wasn't exactly planned, but I think not keeping this one would be more hurtful to people like your friend than bringing them into the world.

Umm... this is going to sound really strange, but get her to join minti. I don't know what it is called but I do know that somewhere on here there is a group for mums that suffer all manner of problems due to their weight, and if she joined that group she could get a huge amount of support and advice from others in similar situations. I do know that even if she didn't end up joining that support group, she'd get a lot of support and comfort from the members here, just as you and I have over the time we've been here.