Lorranna | July 6th

Hello everyone I am new and I desperately need some advice on child rearing here.   My mother has been no help to me because she always lied to cover things up when I was growing up so I obviously do not want nor solicit opinions from her. I have a wonderful husband who is currently a stay at home dad. My oldest daughter has been emitting a lot of emotions lately about missing her baby brother. I was 20 weeks pregnant and she obviously was not there when I was induced to labor for him and see him or anything like that, so she has had no closure with his death.  On the other hand my grandfather passed away which was her "Grandpa Chocolate" she was very close with him, so I allowed her to go to the showing and the funeral, she was 4 at the time and I was 9 months pregnant it was February 7th 2007, and one week later on February 15th 2007 we had a brand new baby girl.  The year previous I was induced on January 31st and had my son stillborn at 20 weeks on February 1st.  My husband and I were an emotional wreck because we had been trying to get pregnant for over two years and we finally gave up and boom I was pregnant and very excited I sort of knew that I was having a boy because I had a lot of different type symptoms thant I did with Hannah (My oldest) she was a little over 3 when this happened.  I had to explain to her what had happened and what went on, and I did not want her at the hospital because I did not want her traumatized.  My mother wanted me to just avoid it and not even tell her (Like she wouldn't have known, when the baby was going to be coming and never showed up??? How much sense does that make they know a lot more than some people give them credit for.  She was very sad at the time, and I explained to her about how people are created by God and then sometimes God takes them much sooner than we had anticipated but there was always a reason.  I got pregnant that summer and found out 3 weeks prior to my original due date of my son.  I was very emotional sad, and happy and I  could not still come to terms wtih my pain let alone address my daughters.  This was over two years ago and she is 5 1/2 now and asks alot of questions about it because I think that she did not have that closure that she had when my grandfather passed away and when my husbands grandmother passed away.  I feel that taking her to the wake's and the burial served a very important part of her life in experiencing the cycle of life.  However, she does not understand why he had to die and why now she has a sister that she resents because she replaced her baby brother.  She is terrified of death and cries a lot lately and get's very emotional.  I do not ignore the fact that it happened, when people ask me how many children that I have had I tell them three, but that I only have two physically with me.  I got to hold my 5 ounce son and see him and hold him and took that with me, and I am glad that I did.  I do not feel that a 3 year old had to experience me so drugged up that I could barely feel anything but the epidural and numbness in my heart and soul and let alone function at all.  My pastor came to visit me at the hospital on numerous occasions which was a blessing and huge comfort to me. My husband was there and he held his only baby boy that he would ever have.  My third pregnancy took quite a toll on my body and I had gestational diabetes and borderline high blood pressure.  I was on insulin and checked my blood sugar constantly  and took my insulin shots 3 times a day and my husband held me to a very strict diet to help me with not gaining a lot of weight and controlling my insulin and sugar levels (He is the absolute best) After what happened with the second and third pregnancies I decided I didn't want to go thru anymore and that two was enough.  Financially I can provide much more to two that I would have for three.  I am the worker right now, I make excellent money so finances were never really an issue (Other than overspending here and there, when you make more money you tend to spend more right?) 

I hate to give out the whole entire life story here but I really need to know what to do when this occurs.  She cries for a good thirty minutes when this happens and I end up crying with her just so that she knows that she is not alone, but that he is with God and Jesus and will  meet us someday.  I am at a loss for words, how do I express what a blessing her baby sister is and that she doesn't need to worry about her baby brother because he is being taken excellent care of IMHO.  I don't want her to resent her sister because she essentially replaced her (Unexpectidly) baby brother.  I don't know wht to do I am at a loss for words for this.  I have a memory box with his hat and a couple of pictures and his wrist band and I had a memory bracelet made with his name and birthday put on it.  On occasion she asks to see the items which I let her do, which is all I can offer to her as a type of closure.  I value life more than I can say and i know how precious it is, but I just don't  think I am expressing these things to her properly right now and I want her to bestraight abut it before she tgoes to shools this fall.  How do I address this and give her a peace of mind about what happened. It is sort of crazy when I am on the phone at work and I get customers swear up and down to me I would never know how they feel because I could have never lost a child, and well yes sorry to tell you I have and I do know how you feel, so don't assume that you are the only one you know what I mean.  I am just really stressed about this lately for my little girl, I want her to enjoy and love her sister and not worry about our baby boy. I got my tubes tied because of the house that we bought and the problems that I had, and now my gynecologist has died in the last couple of weeks so I don't know what to do.  Does anyone have any advice on how to address this issue before she goes to school and tries to make a big deal about it? Should I  get here into counseling? WHat do I do? Please help!
Lost and Confused

Lorranna

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