How do I get my 12 year old to have more desire to try harder in sports and at school?
My son is very athletic. He loves to play all of the sports. His drawback is that he never tries any harder than he needs to. When I was a boy, I was one of the slower kids on the team. But, I tried every single time to out race and out shoot the more athletic children. I think this helped me immensely. My son is one of the faster kids on his team(s), but if you ever watch him run laps or sprints he finishes within the last four-five every time. My wife even tells me - when I am not there - he will finish last. He simply likes to finish in good enough position to not get in trouble (either by me or the coach). When I ask him about this, he'll reply "I don't want to get too tired." He will also say, "Not everyone can win - someone has to be in 14th place."
Re: How do I get my 12 year old to have more desire to try harder in sports and at school?
I wonder if challenging him more will help at all. Some people play to the level of their competition. If you can put him in an environrment where he is not one of the best athletes or students do you think he'd try harder? I'm thinking things like traveling teams, summer camps, etc.
Also let me ask this question...does he try harder in game situations versus practice? As a child I was similar in many regards to what it sounds like your son is. It was the competition that drove me so you could see a clear discrepancy in how hard I tried in practices versus actual game situations.
Re: How do I get my 12 year old to have more desire to try harder in sports and at school?
Maybe he just has not found a sport for him. While a lot of kids can be good at sport maybe they just don't want to.
You say he likes to finish is a good enough position not to get in trouble by either you or the coach. Do you get upset with your son if he finishes last??? Is it possible that with out realizing that maybe you put to much pressure on him to make the sport not so enjoyable???
I am not saying that you do this, I just find it strange that he thinks he would get into trouble.
Maybe ask him what kind of sports he really likes, maybe there is a team out there made just for him. He just has not found it yet...
Re: How do I get my 12 year old to have more desire to try harder in sports and at school?
Is your son doing sports he wants to do, or is he doing them to please you? Putting any of your aspirations on him might make him do this. Let him decide what he really wants to be doing, no matter how you feel about it, and he might just surprise you.
His self confidence seems to be suffering here, so you need to find out why. At his age, it can be hard to know what is going on in his head, but talk to him and see if there are pressures at school or within his friendships that could be causing this.
Also, is this something that is new? If so, he could just be bored.
Re: How do I get my 12 year old to have more desire to try harder in sports and at school?
Focus on what he "does" not on what "your expectations are"....he may feel he is never good enough in your eyes. Also, pre-teen years are rollercoaster of emotions, body changes, and boundaries with parents.....praise, pick and choose what you want to nag about. Single mom to 12 yearold boy.
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