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anonymous | July 15th


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step dads and sons

hi, just wondering if anyone else can help me with some info etc? my partner who i have been with for the last 12 months (after being single for 4 years) and i love each other, and i know he loves my 2 sons. however, he and my nearly 5 year old clash constantly. it is a constant battle of wills. my elder son who is nearly 12 is fine with him, and he sees his real dad a lot. my younger son is the "result" of rape, so doesnt have a father as far as i am concerned. he calls my new partner "dad", but then wont listen to him if he asks him to do something, and on occasion has told him he hates him and he doesnt want a dad. i have explained to my partner that he is just testing him, and to not pay much attention to it, as he has said he hates me on occasion as well! its a normal kid thing i think. BUT,,,, my partner always gets angry even though i have tried to explain that getting angry is just giving my son the wrong sort of attention. i work in childcare, and have a lot of patience, and think that children learn from us, so us losing the plot is only teaching him to. my partner just doesnt seem to listen when i try to talk to him about how to handle my boy. it is really frustrating for us all to be living like this, and i am wondering whether to give this relationship up, just because these 2 cant get along a lot of the time... what does anyone else think?

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	July 16th \| Arna

Re: step dads and sons

Does step dad see your son as a child of rape and treat him that way? If he does (might not even realise it), then it is rubbing off on your son.

Blended families are always going to have their issues. Family counselling might help you all work these out and come to a suitable agreement on household rules and behaviours.

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	July 16th \| JakeandJoesMum

Re: step dads and sons

thank you for that! i didn't think of it, but now that you have mentioned it, i do think that is a part of the problem. i dont think it is a concious thought of my partner though. my partner has agreed that we need help working things out, so we are going to see family counselling. hopefully it helps a lot!

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	July 15th \| KimmyMT

Re: step dads and sons

Sometimes kids dont liek change he might feel like most of your time goes to him. I loved my step parents but was always jelouse because it was a chnage I didnt like even after they were married for 4 years.

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	July 15th \| JakeandJoesMum

Re: step dads and sons

thanks! he doesn' t like change, that's true, we are getting him assessed for asperger syndrome so that is extra stress!

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	July 15th \| Rukia

Re: step dads and sons

My son is 6 and Autistic (we too are waiting for a re assesment) and he hates the change and having to compete for attention from either of us.

good luck with the assesment. If it is that he is aspergers remember it is a trait and nothing against your partner. My son is very mummy wanting and he doesnt socialise much with daddy and doesnt like it when I am with him and not my son.

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	July 15th \| August88

Re: step dads and sons

I would not make a call for you about whether to leave your partner or not. This is totally your decision but I would say would your partner agree to relationship councilling. If not you could always go yourself and get some for your sons too. Sometimes talking to an outside party helps you.

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	July 15th \| JakeandJoesMum

Re: step dads and sons

thank you!

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	July 15th \| natelz1

Re: step dads and sons

i know this situation all to well. I have often thought about divorce just so my boy can be happy, and i can have peace. But after alot of struggle they have a good relationship. Keep at it, you will resent your son if you give everythign up for him. Get them into counsilling. Minti mail me if you ever want to chat xx

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	July 15th \| JakeandJoesMum

Re: step dads and sons

thanks for that!

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	July 15th \| Rukia

Re: step dads and sons

Its a child thing. Dont let your son rule your life either. You are intiled to be happy and have someone to love.

I can say I know what your child is thinking cause I was him as a child. My parents divorsed when I was 13 months old and when i was 7 my mum met a man who I HATED with a passion. the fact that we were both Gemini's didnt help. But you know what we are good friends now but mum and him arnt together due to personal reasons.

Just give it time. My 4 and 6 year old say to me some times they hate me and my hubby. I think it is just a kid thing.

1 Thing I do believe is and it has been said here a lot. It take a real man to be a father. any man can be a sperm donor. Parenting aint easy, specially for ppl who are new to the family

I dodnt know if you already do this, but maybe "father" and "son" time might be good for them too.

Good luck with it.

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	July 15th \| JakeandJoesMum

Re: step dads and sons

thanks for that! they do have time together, not as much as i would like though as my partner works long and odd hours. the "clashes" seems to be usually when i am around, and its like they are both competing for my attention! my boy is a leo, so he is a stubborn sign, but i just wish they would get along, because i am sick of being in the middle! someone said my boy is probably worried he will lose me. but i tell him every day (many times) i love him and i will never leave him, so i don't know if he is just being a brat or if he is really feeling insecure. argh! kids and men!!!

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	July 15th \| natelz1

Re: step dads and sons

the "clashes" seems to be usually when i am around, and its like they are both competing for my attention! my boy is a leo, so he is a stubborn sign, but i just wish they would get along, because i am sick of being in the middle! someone said my boy is probably worried he will lose me. but i tell him every day (many times) i love him and i will never leave him, so i don't know if he is just being a brat or if he is really feeling insecure. argh! kids and men!!!-

This is EXACTLY what i would say and think all the time. i know how draining it is!!my son is also a leo, in fact, my poor hubby, is the only one not a leo! I wish you luck, and im here!!

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	July 15th \| JakeandJoesMum

Re: step dads and sons

haha! i am a scorpio, so i am quite stubborn also, so it hasn't been easy for my poor man! but he just wont listen to my suggestions, which is so frustrating. sometimes it feels like i have 3 kids instead of only 2 !!!

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