Thisi s my opinion and my opinion only. I have a step daughter who is 5 she hasnt seen or spoke tp her mother in about 6 months now as she decided she no longer wantedto see her sshe has differant circumstances however i left this her choice. I told her that if ever in the future she would like to talk to or seeher mother i am more than happy to take her and all i can do is be there for her , I  wouldd if i was in oyur position be leaving it u to your daughter and let her see her father when she wants to see him otherwise it will just upset her more. Good luck .

well, i can only speak for myself, but if that was my child, i wouldnt force her. No way. She obviously has her reasons for not wanting to go and to go as far as kicking and screaming. She will only hate you in the long run for making her. He obviously needs to tone down his voice and try a different way to communicate with her. to me it sounds like she fears him. Good luck

You say that your ex is loud and abrupt with your daughter.  I think that itself could be what is causing the issue here.  Your ex needs to change the way he treats his daughter, before he causes her to reject him for good.  Sit down with him and tell him that he needs to understand that she is only 4 and that he needs to be a bit more tolerant of her behaviour.

Hi,

I have been separated from my ex for about 4 months now and my daughter is 16 months old.  When I read your post I got upset as I too think it is important that their dads be very much involved in their kids lives.  I know that it would break my exs heart if Chloe didn't want to see him as he is an amazing dad who loves her dearly.  Could you sit your ex down and chat about your concerns? Maybe bring up your concerns about his abruptness, loundness etc.  Maybe simple changes such as a gentlier voice, being more positive with her could make huge changes.  Also ,you could just begin with short visits and gradually increase the time spent with her dad, that way she is getting reuse to being around him.  Maybe go to a park, have a picnic and a play, the next time have lunch together and play a game. 

Have you tried speaking to your daughter about what might be bothering her? She should be able to articulate what is bothering her.  Ask her things like what makes you sad when you visit daddy?  What makes you happy?  What do you like doing with daddy?  What do you not enjoy doing with daddy? etc These kinds of questions may help you a lot in solving some of the issues.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that it all sorts itself out.

Tania x