My son is 3 and 4 months and we've been going through this since he could walk and it's a whole lot better now that he  is older.  When we go out to eat, we bring him coloring books and some toys. He only eats for a short time and we eat leisurely (or at least try to). So in the meantime, he can get busy playing. If the toy/activity really catches his attention, then he sits in his chair very well. If it doesn't, then he plays on the floor, etc. As long as he doesn't walk around and try to rearrange the restaurant chairs, then we let him do what he wants.  At 3 (especially for highly active kids), it is a bit much for them to sit still doing nothing.

In regards to understanding directions, they can understand a lot at this age, especially if it's a direction/instruction that has been repeated several times. For example, I've been telling my son that he cannot speak to strangers UNLESS he is with me or with his daddy. Last week, he told me that he spoke to the neighbors because he was with Daddy at the time so it's Ok. :-)     But of course, independence is very intense at this age..so whether they listen to you or not is another issue altogether.

Have you tried taking him to a restaurant where there is like a playground or something so you can let him have a play and explore while waiting for the food to arrive then just say you can play after dinner but you must eat dinner 1st, If he then plays up you can say well you don't get to play after dinner.

Hi, I also have a child going on three and also a ten year old. I would suggest firstly training your child to sit in a normal chair at home and also  at other familiar places (eg grandparents and friends - to save any embarrassment!). I know that lots of people would not agree with this strategy but our children have always been very well behaved. I believe that after being given, say three warnings, the child has to suffer a consequence of poor behavour. In my experience (depending upon personality of child) one good smack on the bottom usually works very well. Although there will be tears and a performance the next time your child tries to push the boundaries you will have the threat of the smakc up your sleeve and probably will not have to use it very often! If you are uncomfortable with smacking any consequence for bad behaviour will work. Eg. time out in the bedroom or it could simply be missing out on ice-cream after dinner. Actually, I would always try positive encouragement first. eg. "Wow, what a big boy, sitting in a big boy chair". etc.

I believe between 2.5 - 3 years a child should be able to follow all instructions.

Hmm, the independant mind set of a 2/3 yr old is strong, but they should still be able to sit at a meal as long as it's not too long. I think I would set the stage a little by firstly taking him to child orientated places. Thus if he makes a fuss about sitting at table, no one is going to bat an eyelid, when he fusses and you can set your boundries in an enviroment, where other parents will have empathy with you, having gone though this themselves or going through it. Also I find if you have interesting activities to do at table, like crayons, paper and stickers if the restraunt dont supply. Sometimes talking is not going to work and just repeatedly bringing him back and riding through the tantrum is the only way to set your boundry. Good luck and best wishes.

Winnie.xx