My daughter was like this too (I gave up on the whole bedtime issue; just restricted her to her bedroom & let her sleep when she was ready). Tho it sounds as tho your's has an extra problem relating to other children mine didn't have. (Of course it may have helped that I had her in a childcare centre one day a week from 30months; it certainly helped the picky eating.) Come to think of it, if you can afford it that may be an idea. I'm not talking about daycare (which is more like babysitting) but a fully accedited & staffed childcare centre. One day or half a day a week would certainly give her a chance to get interacting if she is able to. And the workers are incredibly knowledgable about all kinds of behavioural problems; they would definitely recognise early syptoms of autism or ADHD & be able to refer you appropriately.

I finally decided my daughter had food allergy-related hyperactivity & restricted her consumption of certain food dyes & additives. It wasn't the whole answer; she still tended to be very 'highly strung'. But it did reduce the "hippy on acid", swinging-from-the-light-fittings & bouncing-off-the-walls totally out of touch stuff. I had been taking her to doctors for many years when she was (at 12yo) diagnosed with 'patella femoral' syndrome. Seems she had been in pain the whole time! (Doctors had waved off her painful knees as 'growing pains'.)

There is no easy answer; some kids just present us with challenges. And not all doctors are sufficiently well informed to recognise a problem for what it is. Who knows how many you'll have to see before you get the answers you need? Its scary when you have a child who throws herself about, screaming, turning blue at the lips & being totally inconsolable; for little or no discernable reason. (Speaking for myself here; I don't know if yours does this.) You may end up deciding (as I did) that you need a day off a week to gather in your frayed edges. There's no shame in this; its sensible. I had to keep reminding myself,  "I won't be doing her any favours by ending up in a padded cell myself.."  

Take care of yourself

Rosalinda

At this age, it could be a number of things. I know my daughter can get particularly hysterical if she is overtired. ( I am talking screaming, head spinning, yowling, kicking, posessed ! EXHAUSTING) At this age, their sleep patterns are changing and don't necessarily cooincide with their bodies needs! They get overtired and irrational very easily! Also, if there are big changes coming up and adults around her are more stressed than usual, it can have an effect on the child. I agree with the other reponses that as soon as your family is settled, you should ask for advice from a GP. I also think that the behaviour diary is a great idea. As well as the food she consumes, keep track of how much sleep she is having. It may just be a matter of getting her into regular sleep routines ( there is help available for this) to see a huge improvement in her demenour and behaviour! Some food sensitivities may be interfering with sleep patterns, but if as you said she has always been difficult to settle, it could be that she just needs to learn how to settle to sleep properly and settle back to sleep by herself if she wakes up. It may be that even once she iss alseep, she is waking up often during the night and taking a while to settle herself back to sleep. So it may seem that she is getting enough sleep, but isn't really getting quality sleep. Also, the reaction to the behaviour needs to be consistant. If she is gaining a reward ( gettinng what she wants....even if it is just attention) from her behaviour, then it will continue to escalate. I put my child in her room and close the door. when she says sorry, she can come out. It can be an almost 40 minute to 1 hour stand off when she is in a right state! I  don't raise my voice, I just repeat that I love her, but her behaviour is wrong and when she can stop that behaviour and say sorry, then she can come out. I can repeat myself many times over the time she is in her room. It has resulted in the tantrums and absolute loss of her control over her behaviour improving. I always discuss with her why she was in her room once she has calmed down. I also make it clear that I love her very much, but her behaviour is not acceptable. The worst punishment it seems is to put her in her room away from me. It has far more effect than a smack on the bottom! Good luck! Once your family is with you, you may be better able to map the behaviour. We are always here if you need any more info or advice! Good luck and I hope you have a happy reunion with your family!

I absolutely agree with the behaviour diary. Food allergies and intolerances can cause some extreme reactions, including behavioural, in children as well as adults. If she is always acting out after eating oranges, for example, you can pretty quickly identify the culprit. A good GP will be able to refer her to the appropriate specialist, whether that may be an allergy doctor or a psychiatrist/psychologist.

Aspergers and autism also commonly surface around the 3 year mark as this is when identifiable behavioural patterns start to emerge. Here is a couple of sites that may assist you:

http://www.a4.org.au/

http://www.autism-help.org/

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthandgrowingup/12autismandaspergers.aspx

You might also want to check that she hasn't suffered some kind of trauma (physical or mental) recently or in the past. Being separated from family must be so hard for all of you.

Best of luck.

K

Wow, you are going through a lot.  First I would recommend that a diary of her behavior is kept with details such as Monday 18th August well behaved in the morning, ate blah blah for breakfast was happy, had a banana for morning tea approx 10am, 11.45 am had sandwhich of blah blah for lunch ate half, drank bottle of milk non flavoured slept 2 hours from 12.30pm -2.30pm  woke up restless was having tantrums for 1 hour etc. etc.

This way when she gets here you will have a detailed record that may help the medical practitioners with their diagnosis.  I'm no authority on the matter, I have worked with Autistic and mentally handicapped children but I don't know what the process is when it comes to diagnosis, I just think that with all the things it could be keeping a diary even for 1 week can't hurt and may well help.

It could be as simple as a food allergy, lack of sleep, lack of a structured routine and or dicipline (don't be insulted, I'm just running through what I can think of), it could be Asperges ( don't know of spelling) which my understanding is it's like a mild form of Autism which can effect the behavior, but there's bound to be advice on the subject as several parents of such children are on here.  It might be autism which is I understand usually detected around the age 2 mark, but I'm not 100% certain of that.

I would think that you need to have her seen by a GP who will recommend you to an expert in the field of what ever the GP suspects the problem may be.  It's called refferal and it's really the only way to get to medical experts, it's a pass the patient kind of scenario, but I supose it weeds out a lot of the guess work for the busy specialists.

I hope this might help a little.  You'll want to register your whole family in medicare ASAP, it can get expensive...... is she an Australian citizen your daughter??  I'm guessing you are Australian? Who has worked in Russia for years???  Sorry a bit hard to understand fully your situation but I wish you all the best.

Go to ADVICE here and look up Autism and Aspbergers and food allergies, you might find a match to discribed behaviors to your daughters behavior.

Good Luck