This is just the beginning.  She is this way now and will continue to do more of this weird behavior as she gets older.

I don't think it would be a wise idea to cancel her visits with her grandparents, but I thinks it's time you sat down with your partner and the grandparents and had a talk with them.  Don't let it get out of control, just bring it to their attention and that if she doesn't change, maybe she will have to cut-back on the time spent with them.  Let the grandparents know that it is nothing to do with them and that they should not take it personally and perhaps they can help you follow some of your rules while she's with them.

Grandparents are here for a reason, to share stories, give them history lessons and most importantly SPOIL their grandkids.  She's doing what many others I know have done, but the attitude will change and perhaps more hurtful things will be said to you as she gets older.  She will learn how to get away with things and just rattle your cage for the fun of it.  Be careful, she will learn how to 'play' as she gets older and wiser....set the rules down now and good luck!

Hi,

This doesnt sound like a discipline problem to me. It sounds like a confused little girl who is just not sure how to divide her loyalities to the people she loves. She is loyal and loves her step dad and her mum, then on week-ends she is loyal and loves her grandparents, however, when all of you are together she is not sure how to feel and hence will reject those who she feels more secure with, ie mum and you, as she knows you will love her no matter what.

This little girl needs to know that its ok to love ALL of you and that you and mum will support her to do that. I believe that its important that she sees that you are happy for her to have as many people as possible that love her. She should never hear you and mum put the people she loves down or even her deadbeat dad for that matter as she probably copes with her fathers rejection by building up a imaginary picture of him. Let her have this it is important for her self image.

Teach her that she can love lots of people just like you and mum love each other, your son and her. She can love you, mum, her grandparents and the imaginary father. Thats ok!

Lots of children of split families go through this and thats why its so important that the child does not hear negative things about the people they love.

I think it may be time for all the adults involved to sat down and make some joint house rules that apply to both houses such as a set bedtime, rules about when treats are allowed and discipline for the rude behaviour. I sincerly hope that the grandparents aren't bad mouthing you and then bragging about their absent son - you may need to explore whether this could be happening.

I hope that the bad behaviour from your step daughter comes from confusion rather then playing one off against the other and you must remember that she may be emotionally confused about where her home is, maybe some family counselling involving everyone could help.

I hope this situation gets better for you and always remember that both households have the childs welfare at heart.

Clare xxx

Personally i think your partner should speak tothe grNDPARENTS . i dont feel your step daghter should be seeing the grandparetns so much ecspecially with the way she is reacting whilst they are around her . Also i think they should be disaplining her for such behaviour. II have a step daughter who is 5 and believe me if she behaved in such away she will be punnished .Goodluck i hope you can get this sorted out must be hard for you

I think its time for your partner to Take a Huge stand and let her ex in laws know that she has moved on, and explain to them that to be fair to all that they not speak out of term about you to the little one.....  This needs to be done without your step daughter not being there....

There should be no reason why they cant respect your wishes and your partners wishes on this...

Hope it all works out for you all...

xx cazza

Is it necessary for her to spend quite so much time with the grandparents? Perhaps you could consider reducing the amount of contact to at least once a fortnight. I don't think that grandparents are even entitled to that much contact according to the courts... However, if the matter ended up in court a precedent has now been set that they would not be likely to change.  Perhaps you need to seek the help of a professional. I would get some legal advice and maybe talk to a counsellor as well.