Controlled crying?
My 6mth old son is still waking for feeds a couple of times a night. I'm sure he doesnt really need the milk (he's bottle fed) anymore, because he's almost 10kg, gaining weight well, drinking about 950mls during the day as well as eating 1-3 small solid meals. But he wont settle without out the feed.
I'm thinking about trying some form of modified crontrolled crying, where you check in on them regularly but limit any interaction (picking them up, cuddling etc) .
I've read that controlled crying can be harmful because it leads to increase in cortisol levels and as a result less cortisone receptors are developed and then in the longer term, there is a reduced ability to deal with stress etc. And that basically they stop crying because they 'give in' and withdraw. (I haven't explained it very well )
I was just wondering if its the crying thats the problem or specifically a baby left to cry on its own.
They say when they cry their heart rate and BP increases, and cortisol is produced. So is it just as bad if you have a colicky baby that cries for 3hours straight. Or is it somehow different when a baby is left on their own. Do they know the difference when you're there and not - because sometimes Phillip (and I know this is true for many other babies) will cry whether I'm with him or not. And often it seems like he doesnt know I'm there or certainly my presence doesnt appear to be making any difference. And occasionally he actually settles better when I leave the room rather than stimulating him by putting my hand on him etc.
Surely, if it is 'being left to cry on their own' as opposed to just 'crying' that is harmful, then if you are going in every 5-10min to check on them and let them know you are there, then 'crying it out' isnt going to be harmful?
But even if you dont go in that regularly to check on them, I find it hard to believe that say 30min of crying on their own (for 3-4 nights) would cause permanent damage (esp if the baby is 5mths plus).
I do think if you left a baby to cry for hours, for many days, this would potientially result in emotional/psychological problems.
However, I still think that if you spend all day responding to your baby and reassuring them and cuddling them etc, but just for a few nights allow them to cry for short periods, that this isnt going to cause a problem.
Surely, all the positive responsive parenting during the day will (this bit is taken from one of the reports I read) result in high levels of oxytocin which will influence positively the permanent organisation of the stress-handling portion of the baby's brain-promoting lasting "securely attached" characteristics in the adolescent and adult.
I cant believe that a positive environment 99% of the time, will be outweighed by a non-responsive ('negative') environment for 1% of the time. There will always be times when we cant respond to our babies.
People are always saying babies are so resilient, they can survive the most naive parent (which we all are the first time round). I find it hard to believe that it would be so easy to damage a babies psyche.
| 
