HELP, my nephew Jayden has grown up without his dad (my bro), his dad beats and mentally abuses anyone he is with. So how does My nephews mum tell her son about his dad. She doesnt want my bro anywhere near Jayden , I understand this. Nor does his dad give a hoot about him and hasnt seen him since he was 6mths. What do we tell a 4yr old whom thinks his dad could be as cool as spiderman....... His mum is super sad and cryin cause he doesnt want her son to think his dad doesnt love him. All this has been triggered by a "fathers days stall" at school. Thanks for help
I can only imagine what this poor little boy and his mom are going through..Even though it may be tempting to be bruatally honest, a 4 year old does not need this "adult" information right now..I think it will only upset and confuse him..When he is older, that would be the time to explain things in detail..For now, let him think positive about his dad, proving him wrong will only hurt and confuse him at a young age..
Thank you all for replies, my nephew has a great family and we all love him, there is some awesome advice here, i will ring her this morning and read out your replies.
I agree with these others, my daughter has experienced similar but has no interest in knowing her father which makes things slightly different for us - complex and easier in different ways. Any time we talk of him I keep to the truth but I don't include any bad bits if I can help it (lying by omission??). I think the worst we have discussed is that he made a mistake and he isn't around now.
At one point he said he disowned her and a year ago he tried to establish contact legally and then never turned up at court etc, so officially he has messed it up pretty big too. Anyhoo - I have made sure she has people around her who love her and show her in different ways cuz we all know actions speak louder than words.
As for his mum, big hugs out to her, I know those tears well. I hope her family are as supportive to her as mine have been to me.
Your nephew is old enough to understand that all familys are different, I'm sure he sees that at school too. You know some only dad, only mom, mom and grandparents, 2 moms - I think you get the idea. Mabye he'd undersand better that way. This is how it is now - mabye someday he'll get a stepdad? Just reassure him that he is loved by all his family and try to focus on the positive people in his life rather than even mention the negative ones who are not. Hope this helps. I'm glad it sounds like he has a good support system.
The way my Mum explained it to my brothers and I when we were little was this......
She said that it's hard being a grown up and that some people just don't cope with grown up things and that one day he'll get some help. Keep the focus on the problem being with him and not the child.
Try and make father's day into a fun thing. We used to give our father's day gifts to our Mum and joke around that she was both our Mum and Dad.
This is what we did for my sister (we have diff Dad's)
We said to her that her Dad live the other side of Australia and that one day she will meet him (they are as thick as theives now).
There is no need to say he is violent, but you could say Daddy is sick and cant be with us atm, but maybe one day, or until Daddy is better we cant see him. stuff like that. the truth but in a child understanding.
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