I feel for you and I know exactly how you feel. My eldest child was exactly this when she was that age and I can tell you it was so frustrating and draining. Firstly I will say it takes ALOT of patience and outside help. A perfectionist child needs to here from more than one person REPEATEDLY that she has to make mistakes to be able to learn from them. My maris used to scream hysterically in kindy if she got the slightest thing wrong and I was lucky enough to have two teachers who worked with her for two years to improve her perfectionist ways. She still had professionally counselling as well because once she worked out that she had to make mistakes sometimes and that it was ok to do so we found the underlying problem of fears.

I don't know if any of this helps you I really hope it does and if you have any Questions please minti mail me

 Lexi xxx

This might sound weird, but I've found this technique works with my daughter who is only just 6.  When she calms down, ask her why she felt so bad and threw a tantrum.  Help by asking questions to tease out what was the trigger.  Your daughter may find it really easy to identify or she may need your help.  Then ask her what would make it better, what would make it easier for her not to lose her temper.  You might be surprised what might work.  My daughter suggested a note reminding her of some of the house rules and since we put up a note on the wall, she is much calmer and copes much better with the same situations. 

I can't help but wonder if it might be a matter of control for your daughter.  Maybe she feels out of control when things "go wrong" and tries to get back that control by throwing a tantrum.  Perhaps if there was a very strict routine she would find it easier to handle things.  Again, I know my daughter is like that.  She really doesn't handle any kind of change well, but with a strong routine, she copes much better - and has even started taking the initiative for things e.g. getting dressed in the morning.

As a perfectionist myself, can I encourage you not to see her perfectionism as a bad thing, but instead help your daughter to find better ways to channel those tendencies.  Perhaps she could do a hobby like cross-stitch (Lincraft and Spotlight have kits for kids) which requires a real eye for detail or there might be some other interest or hobby she could throw herself into. 

Good luck!

Know that you are not alone, but that as simple as the solution I'm offering you is, it requries commitment and discipline.

So long as there are no major changes being experienced within the family unit - new baby, separation of parents, etc. it's highly likely the solution can be solved by a change in diet.

Try Sue Dengate's elimination diet at www.fedup.com.au for more information on eliminating possibly toxic foods.

Good luck!