My husband has 3 kids who are 10, 12, 13.  The oldest boy has recently started increasing the frequency of his fits and it's scaring me.  I had a baby in April and I worry about what he will think is acceptable.  We have the kids every second weekend and we are just finding out that the mother is badmouthing both my husband and I.  I am very willing to leave my husband over this because I have my own personal and health issues I am dealing with.  My stepson thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules or use his manners now.  His mother is encouraging a victim attitude with him and his 10 year old brother is the target when we aren't around.

What should I do? I have told my husband my feelings, I've gotten more advice from child services people than I can count, I've tried working together with the biomother, I've managed to get my husband to see that his son needs counselling (after 3 years of nagging), I really have done everything.

If I stay, I don't want my stepson to think I'm a pushover.  How can I go about asserting that any behaviour that is to intimidate me or making me feel bad will not be tolerated?  I don't care if he doesn't like me, he needs to show respect to myself and his father.  So I guess my issue is how can I work on myself to at least make life more bearable?  I just don't have the energy to try and help my stepson anymore.  I've met nothing but brickwalls with his father, mother, grandparents, other family, and some cases authorities.  My doctor told me that I can only write a letter to child services because I don't have any rights when it comes to the kids.  It's also becoming obvious in my home too.

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