I can't believe you think it's extreme to be suspended for saying 'F$%# you' to a teacher!! Not only is the language offensive (and acutally against the law to use in public) but it was directed at the figure of authority in the classroom. It's not just the language, it is also the intent behind it  - I am not going to do what you tell me to do. What if all students had this attitude? There would be chaos in the classroom. I am a school teacher and I would not put up with this! The fact that some people think this behaviour is acceptable just shows the reason why our public schools are going down the drain! Teachers are not expected to cop that sort of abuse and disrespect in private schools! 

It really does sound like there must be more to it. I hope you can speak with his Dad first about how to constructively deal with the problem. Point out to him that you'll never be able to get to the bottom of the behaviour if your son won't open up either yourselves or a third party and that confronting head on may make him retreat into his shell even more. I was an extremely timid child at school (hellcat at home but that is another story) and would not normally say 'boo to a goose', however I did once have a confrontation with a teacher. I did not swear but I did raise my voice (which I know is not OK), having said that, it was the result of months of pent up frustration at this particular teacher and their sexist behaviour which I found very upsetting. Perhaps this teacher and your child have a history?

Absolutely agree that it is not acceptable to speak aggressively to an authority figure, but I do have to disagree with the language being 'against the law to use in public'. The Australian High Court has ruled in many cases that such words are part of the common vernacular and charges cannot be upheld based on only that- see "Offensive Language and Conduct Crimes/Principals of Common Law 1e, 2000/authors Simon Bronnit and Bernadette McSherry". Such statements, I feel, muddy the waters of the true problem- that is, what would provoke a normally mild mannered teen to that kind of outburst.

I wouldn't suggest that it's acceptable. It sounds like it has to be more than an isolated event or that it isn't the whole story.

I've heard of cases where kids say FU and then after they're told it's not ok, they stop it. But to suspend on the first offense without any negotiation doesn't sound very likely.

I'm trying to alert the parent that the story may not be true and requires investigation.

ok, point taken. :)